Depends Ends

Roger el-Simon addresses the dupes troops:

I wrote a letter to the Pajamas Media network bloggers yesterday, some of whom took it a bit more personally than intended. We disbanded the ad network part of our business for a simple reason: it was losing money and we couldn't see how in the reasonable future that would change.

Actually that part of our business has been losing money from the beginning, so the people getting their quarterly checks from PJM were getting a form of stipend from us in the hopes that advertisers would start to cotton to blogs and we could possibly make a profit. Didn't happen. No wonder those people are kicking and screaming now that they are off the dole. I might too. (Emphasis added.)

Those of you who had "wingnut welfare" may collect your prizes. Line forms right here.

But exactly what "part of our business" at Depends hasn't been losing money from the start? There is no other part of the business. Perhaps Roger means the part of the business that resides in his bank account.

The questions remain: Who was willing to take losses for such a long time, and why? (I suppose it wasn't that long. November 2005 was when Pamela Oshry was flashing Instacracker at the swanky Depends launch party. Still, three years is a long time to flush money down the crapper and into the orifices of Rog-el and Chuck Johnson.)

P.S. to Rog-el, you might want to take this bit down asap. It's a target rich environment.

Update: Link fixed! This blog still not losing money!

Next

Not all wingnuts are looking to Cookie Puss, Big Pharma and Sharia Plain to save their souls. One New Righty at The Next Right recommends a mystery guest -- try to fit the description to the Saviour before clicking through:

Unpredictable, intellectual, policy-oriented, witty, with a brain the size of a planet. If there a better public intellectual for our day, I don't know who it is. In __________, I see the potential to transform the Right; to tear down the sacred cows and rebuild a much more coherent, effective movement.

Mister Gorbachev, tear down those cows!

To give you a hint, this wingnut also writes that "James Lileks or Mark Steyn, each of whom has the sharpest wit and the most devastating turn of phase [sic]." Adjust your expectations accordingly.

Spectacular Fail

I admit it. I was wrong. Spectacularly so.

Just three days ago, I offered the following economic analysis:

The fatal flaw in [Culture 11's] business model was the failure to line up a neocon sugar daddy who would subsidize bat shit if it spouted an anti-Arab, U.S. imperialist line.

Since then, the market for imperialist anti-Arab bat shit has collapsed spectacularly.

As Tom illustrates in the link above, the failure of Depends is already causing a ripple effect in the form of job losses among financially dependent bloggers. That couldn't come at a worse time, given that Starbucks is already laying off workers.

And, really, Rog-el, a professional writer putting out work like this?

In the last few months we have strengthened the PJTV lineup with shows covering Media Bias, Education Bias, Middle East Update, Sharia and Jihad, Powerline Report, Ask Dr. Helen, Hugh News, Poliwood, Conservatism 2.0, Economy and Finance, National Security, and others.

Shows covering Ask Dr. Helen and Hugh News? Now that's narrowcasting.

Does anyone else suspect that PJTV sent Sam Wurzelbacher to Israel with something more than 3x5 cards and miniature condoms in his luggage?

Congratulations, Cookie Puss!

And the Rancy goes to Michael "Cookie Puss" Steele, a man with paranoid delusions of having bigoted baked goods lobbed at his bonce.

As his first act as Chairman of the RNC, Steele is expected to call on himself to denounce and repudiate himself for his rare moments of honesty and lucidity:

"In Katrina, the president is at 30,000 feet in an airplane looking down at people dying, living on a bridge. And that disconnect, I think, sums up, for me at least, the frustration that Americans feel."

The response to Katrina was "a monumental failure," [Steele] continued. "We became so powerful in our ivory towers, in our gated communities. We forgot that there are poor people." The detachment remained after the storm, he said. "I could see that they weren't getting it, they weren't necessarily clued in. . . . For me, the seminal moment was the [Dubai] port decision.

... "For me to pretend I'm not a Republican would be a lie," he reasoned. But to run as a proud Republican? "That's going to be tough, it's going to be tough to do," he said. "If this race is about Republicans and Democrats, I lose."

Now that's party leadership I can believe in!

Ken Snackwell, the Hydrox of the leadership race, withdrew in early balloting and tossed his crumbling support to Cookie Puss. Stay tuned to see if Steele's other rivals, an assortment of crackers and mixed nuts, accuse the ex-Lt. Governor and serial fabulist of having the ballot box double stufed.

Your Moment of Zen

The voice and face of the Republican Party are a prescription drug addict and the common law in-law of a crank dealer.

C11 Was A Joke

Perhaps the finest mission statement since the launch of HotSoup:

Culture11 is just getting started. Over the next year we plan to grow our content offerings as well as provide you with even more interactive features that allow you to comment, contribute content and interact with others and connect communities around topics and causes you care about.

And then we plan to launch a line of New Coke and Crystal Pepsi-based wine coolers that the kids will just love.

The fatal flaw in C11's business model was the failure to line up a neocon sugar daddy who would subsidize bat shit if it spouted an anti-Arab, U.S. imperialist line. Namby-pamby wingnuttery from Megan McArdle-ultralites doesn't attract the high-dollar donors or the lily-white eyeballs of the Joe Droolbucket base. You gotta have hate!

I suspect Big Babywood isn't long for this worldwideweb either. How many variations on my career, which you've never heard of, wouldn't suck so hard if it wasn't for liberals can you read?

Fortunately, dear readers, due to low, low overhead and an appreciation for pacing, Roger Ailes will outlive a cockroach's herpes.

He's Lying As Hard As He Can

Who to replace William "Bill" Kristol on the Times' op-ed page?

John Podhoretz, natch.

The Times has traditions to uphold.

Kristol claims writing for the Times was "a lot of work." Well, of course it is.

What Part of "Breach of Contract" Don't You Understand?

All of it, if you're Pastor Brady Boyd, according to The Associated Press:

Brady Boyd, who succeeded Haggard as senior pastor of the 10,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, told The Associated Press that the man came forward to church officials in late 2006 shortly after a Denver male prostitute claimed to have had a three-year cash-for-sex relationship with Haggard.

Boyd said an "overwhelming pool of evidence" pointed to an "inappropriate, consensual sexual relationship" that "went on for a long period of time ... it wasn't a one-time act." Boyd said the man was in his early 20s at the time. He said he was certain the man was of legal age when it began.

...

Boyd said the church reached a legal settlement to pay the man for counseling and college tuition, with one condition being that none of the parties involved discuss the matter publicly.

You're a freakin' genius, Brady boy. Way to flush that confidentiality clause down the crapper!

The Content of They're Character

Fox News must have threatened Wan Julliams with the same severance package it gave Alan Colmes, because Wan's working overtime on another Murdoch organ to inoculate his pale pals on the right against criticism:

Several seasons ago, when Philadelphia Eagle's black quarterback Donovan McNabb was struggling, radio commentator Rush Limbaugh said the media wanted a black quarterback to do well and gave Mr. McNabb "a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve." Mr. Limbaugh's sin was saying out loud what others had said privately.

There is a lot more at stake now, and to allow criticism of Mr. Obama only behind closed doors does no honor to the dreams and prayers of generations past: that race be put aside, and all people be judged honestly, openly, and on the basis of their performance.

I'm happy to judge Wan's performance as a journalist on his inability to punctuate correctly. And his ability to spout right-wing talking points on cue.

Meanwhile, a competent journalist measures performance:

In the five-plus years since Rush Limbaugh uttered those words, the Philadelphia Eagles' quarterback has:

-- Passed for 19,151 yards and thrown 155 touchdowns in 77 regular season games.
-- Has a 6-3 record in the NFL playoffs.
-- Reached the NFC title game three times.
-- Gone to one Super Bowl.

His teammates must be tired of carrying him all these years.

Not only that, McNabb's never bought drugs illegally from his maid, destroyed his own hearing, gotten his ass fired for displaying bigotry, gone on sex tours to the Third World or spent a lonely Friday night hand-washing the unmentionables of his ugly stepbrothers, Fred Barnes and Charles Krauthammer.

I'm off to find Wan's similar column chiding "the media" giving Geo. Bush "a free pass for screw-ups, lies or failure to keep a promise." Don't wait up for me.

If he shouts "Mein Furher, I can walk" right before the swearing in, that wouldn't surprise me:

US Vice President Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back while moving boxes and will be in a wheelchair for Tuesday's historic inauguration of incoming president Barack Obama, the White House said.

"Vice President Cheney pulled a muscle in his back today while moving boxes into his new house," White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said.

"Under his physician's recommendation, the vice president will be in a wheelchair for the next couple of days, including for tomorrow's inauguration."

How All Criminal Sagas End These Days

"It has been an awesome eight years," he went on. "The days are long, but the years are short. … If you ever want a nice meal, come and knock on our door in Dallas, Texas." He waved goodbye over the opening chords of "Don't Stop Believin'."

What happens when you leave blogging to the professionals:

Bruce Springsteen recently came back onstage, joined by 79-year-old folk singer Pete Seeger and a choir (the same one?), for a version of “This Land Is Your Land.”

Seeger is 89.

At least they didn't credit TLIYL to the Five Man Electrical Band.

Bienvenido al Cielo, Senor Boulet

Sometimes there's something worse than speaking ill of the dead. Witness Kathryn J. Lopez's eulogy of John Boulet:

He was such a generous person. A funny thing: He would send me his Ms. magazines so two of us didn’t give them subscription money as we sought to know the enemy! And, yes, John, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found out he always said a prayer for me when he put the magazine in the envelope.

I'll bet he did the same thing with Jonah Goldberg and his old copies of Swank.

America's Most Wanted

Think Progress ranks the worst members of the Bush Administration. I know it's a crowded field, but Johnny Asscrack and (especially) Condoleezza "Historical Document" Rice surely deserve higher rankings than Ari the Talking Penis and incompetent boob Michael Brown. Rice's criminality involved both acts of commission and omission; Asscrack's greatest acheivement is that he's not Abu Gonzales

And has everyone forgotten those career criminals, Johns Negroponte and Poindexter?

Update: Link fixed.

It Isn't Rich

Arlen Specter, who is missing out on a lucrative career as the cartoon voice of Richard Nixon, didn't lay a glove on Eric Holder, President-elect Obama's nominee for Attorney General. 90s nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Joe Conason has an interesting take on the hearing and the subject of Arlen's obsession.

She Reminds Him Of His First Wife

Diaper David Vitter was the lone Senator on the Foreign Relations Committee to vote against Senator Clinton's Secretary of State appointment. Seems the only change Vitter supports involves a pro with a fresh nappy and a five and five ones.

Meet Your Liberal Media -- Failing Upward

Honesty and competence are no longer required to succeed in broadcasting, IYAR:

It's a moment President Bush has repeatedly called a mistake: Delivering a speech on board the USS Abraham Lincoln in the Spring of 2003 with a "Mission Accomplished" banner featured prominently behind him.

But the much-maligned photo-op wasn't the president's fault at all, according to former White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett.

Bartlett, currently a political analyst with CBS, said Tuesday he was the one who actually gave the final go-ahead of the event.

And when exactly, CNN, did Flight-Suit Prancer repeatedly call his favorite photo-op a mistake?

Is This The End of Depends Media?

G.I. Joe the Plumber is out to prove that Sharia Palin isn't the dullest knife in the G.O.P. cutlery drawer:

"I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting."

The kind folks at Depends Media got Joe his passport and his shots, and this is how he repays them? You're giving trained monkeys a bad name, Wurzelbacher.

Joe's For Jesus

If you have a loved one who died in Iraq or Afghanistan, he or she just didn't love Jesus enough, says Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher. The illiquid plumber couldn't cut it in crapper repair, so he's got a new gig pestering Israelis for Depends Media.

"I get to go over there and let their 'Average Joes' share their story, what they think, how they feel, especially with world opinion, maybe get a real story out there," [Wurzelbacher] said.

"If given the opportunity to do some good however minute it may be, or could be something really good, you gotta take that chance. You have to do it," he added, heroically.

Is he scared that one of the Hamas rockets might have his name on it? Not really. After all, as he explained, he's a Christian so God will keep him safe.

"Being a Christian I'm pretty well protected by God I believe," he said.

JtP can convert a few of Israeli Joes to Christianity while he's on assignment, if only to save their lives. And when he gets back, he can baptize Roger L. Simon.

Roy Edroso tells you all you need to know about Depends Media Goes to The Movies aka Big Hollywood, the new website from Drudge piss-boy Andy Breitbart. I liked this bit from Andrew Dice Klavan:

Spider-Man 3, a pro-American, pro-responsibility film with deeply Christian overtones topped the box office in 2007.

I'm glad I missed that one.

Other bloggers at the site include U.S. Representative Thaddeus McCotter, the Virgin Ben, a screenwriter using a pseudonym, an extra from Enterprise and not-Assrocket. Expect posts from Kirk Cameron, Victoria Jackson and Mickey Kaus in the near future, and a 404 message to soon follow.

The Al Franken Sexennial

Congratulations to Senator-Elect Al Franken on his defeat of bent incumbent Nor Loserman.

P.S. to Nor: Election attorneys are not the lawyers you should be spending time with right now.

Power Concedes Nothing Without A Demand

(link)

While we're all feeling satisfied with ourselves today, it wouldn't hurt to remember the children who were brutalized in our own lifetimes, and honor their lives. And also to remember the terrorists of the time, and their sympathizers, many of whom are still with us.

Erick Fail

Over at VegetativeState, Oly Olafson takes the early lead in the race for the 2009 World's Stupidest Fucking Blogger Award (aka the Goldbergy). Says Oly:

Washington Post hires left-wing blogger. I guarantee they wouldn't hire someone from the right.

Well, we really don't need any reminder as to the liberal bias of the mainstream media, but I'll remind you anyway.

Greg Sargent was with the left-wing Talking Points Memo. Now he is with the Washington Post.

I'm sure Greg Sargent is good at what he does, but I'm also sure the Washington Post would not even consider hiring someone directly from the right-of-center blogosphere.

Not now, that's for damn sure.

After someone points out the 800-pound box turtle in the room, Oly yodel-simpers his response:

He was tossed quickly after lefty outrage — and let's be honest, it had more to do with the lefty outrage than later revelations. They weren't going to stand by him the minute the phones started wringing [sic!].

Yes, let's be honest. How does that go again?

On March 24 2006, RedState contributor Erick (Erickson) called the plagiarism allegations "lies" and said that "permissions obtained" were not reflected in the online record.

Or is it more like this?

Domenech said he needed to research the examples but that he never used material without attribution and had complained about a college editor improperly adding language to some of his articles.

Bonus fun, from Oly's comments: "Where does anyone get off insulting the CO-FOUNDER of a blog on his own blog?"

(Story via Memeorandum, and seen on many other blogs -- see here and here.)

Love Changes Everything

I've come back from my break a more passionate and sensitive Roger, open to life's transformative possibilities and with a deep appreciation of intimacy in all its forms. Some might call it mood-swingy.

To reflect my changed outlook on life, I offer you a true story of Love and the Power of the Internet.

Enjoy.

The Defense of Marriage Bankruptcy Act

Now here are some victims of the Bush Recession I can really feel for:

When Marci Needle and her husband began to contemplate divorce in June, they thought they had enough money to go their separate ways. They owned a million-dollar [sic] home near Atlanta and another in Jacksonville, Fla., as well as investment properties.

Now the market for both houses has crashed, and the couple are left arguing about whether the homes are worth what they owe on them, and whether there are any assets left to divide, Ms. Needle said.

"We're really trying very hard to be amicable, but it puts a strain on us," said Ms. Needle," the friction audible in her voice. I want him to buy me out. It's in everybody's interest to settle quickly. That would be my only income. It's been incredibly stressful."

That just tears me up. If the Needles can't make do with two "million dollar" homes and their investment properties, what hope is there for the rest of us.

(It seems to me the article should have mentioned that the Needles are real estate pros, just for context. Apparently the commercial real estate market in Jacksonville is in the crapper too, but you'd think Dave would let Marci keep her job as General Manager if he was so amicable.)

It used to be that an ailing economy was good for Big Divorce:

High-finance marriages are crumbling along with the economy, divorce lawyers say, and because of it, couples who are splitting up are paying closer attention to the timing of bonus payouts and other economic trends in the hope of achieving the best possible settlement.

"A lot of couples who have been living the good life have begun the process of re-evaluating their lives together," said Jacalyn F. Barnett, a Manhattan divorce lawyer. "In the past year, I have seen how the dramatic changes in our economy have had a dramatic effect on married people, especially those who have been used to earning high salaries, and many of those couples can no longer handle the stress."

But now people can't afford to lose the old ball-and-chain, and can't even just scram in the middle of the night and let the bank take over the maintenance. Perhaps God will send us a depression so that traditional marriage can be restored to its former glory.

From The Department of People In Hell Want Ice Water

This just in:

"Some Conservatives Fear Obama Advisers Lean Too Far Left"

Obama's Team Rankles the Right
To Some Conservatives, Advisers Are Alarmingly Liberal

By Carol D. Leonnig
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, January 2, 2009; Page A13

To some staunch conservatives watching President Bush relinquish the reins of power to President-elect Barack Obama, a few too many ardent liberals are now crashing the gates.

Some well-known Democratic activists are advising Obama on how to steer federal agencies, including a few whom conservative Republicans fought hard to keep out of power in the Clinton administration. They include Roberta Achtenberg, a gay activist whose confirmation as an assistant housing secretary was famously held up by then-Sen. Jesse Helms (N.C.), and Bill Lann Lee, who was hotly opposed by foes of affirmative action and temporarily blocked from the government's top civil rights job.

The article doesn't quote a single conservative currently criticizing Ms. Achtenberg for being too liberal or the Obama transition team for using Ms. Achtenberg as an adviser. It does quote Jesse Helms, who now exists in the form of worm excrement. Perhaps the author has a beef with Ms. Achtenberg. In any event, conservative whining about liberalism, real or imagined, is about as newsworthy as the sunrise.

Roger, on the other hand, fears that Carol D. Leonnig is a piss-poor writer:

Besides Achtenberg and Lee, other transition advisers' past positions are sending off flares in the ultra-conservative wing of the Republican Party. None of them responded to requests for comment.

Who failed to comment? The past positions? The flares in the ultra-conservative wing of the Republican Party? And precisely how did the past positions infiltrate the G.O.P. to send off flares from within that party?

Nothing Changes On New Year's Day

I see some sort of unpleasantness took place in the Middle East while I was away. Fortunately many virtual dicks were swung throughout the blogosphere, thus solving the problem before I might have to offer an opinion on the matter.

And speaking of virtual dicks, this post from Marty "The Wedding Singer" Peretz shows why his wife keeps him on an allowance:

One of the ways you can keep up with the world is read all of your e-mails. I don't think I have bad credit. I do not have mortgages on my places of residence. [Of that I have no doubt -- RA] And my payments are up-to-date on my American Express and Visa cards. Still I get solicitations such as the one below at least once or twice a week.


Secured Credit
A Credit Card for People with Bad Credit

New Millenium Bank
2 Wisconsin Circle, Suite 700
Chevy Chase, MD 20815
Attn: Customer Care


I wonder whether the New Millenium Bank has applied for bail-out relief. Bad credit? Why don't you go and borrow from the bank?

Secured credit credit cards, of course, advance the borrower "credit" in the amount of his or her cash deposit with the lender, and carry outrageous origination fees, interest rates etc. for the privilege. (See here for a relatively mild example, if you've been living off your spouse for over a decade.)

Peretz might as well inveigh against those risk-taking rent-to-own and payday loan financiers. Opinion journalism's answer to Marion Davies sure lives a sheltered life.

Next week, Marty complains, "I can get it up whenever I want, but the makers of h3rba1 V1a9ra won't let me be!"