The Rocket's Red Ass

If you had a chance to talk to the man you hope will become the next president, what would you say? Here's what Johnny Assrocket of the Powerpuff Blog would -- and did - say:

John McCain was in town for a big event at the Minneapolis Hilton and a town hall appearance in St. Paul. My wife and I waited for an hour and a half for a photo with the candidate; as so often happens, he was running late. I figured I'd have ten seconds with him, so I wanted to choose my words carefully. I decided to introduce my wife and myself, and say, "Global warming is b***s***." That seemed like the most meaningful message I could convey in the short time available.

Several questions spring to mind. Foremost is: How did Assrocket pronounce the ***s in "b***s***"?

Second is: Why would he say something to the Senator that he is too ashamed to spell out on his blog?

Third: Did he realize that, if McCain was even bothering to listen, he wouldn't understand whether Assrocket was opposed to global warming or denying the existence of global warming?

Fourth: Didn't Assrocket participate in those blogger conference calls with McCain, where McCain pretended to listen at length to Assrocket and his idiot pals? Why is McCain suddenly so inaccessible to Time magazine's Blogger of the Year?

And, finally: Shouldn't Assrocket be more concerned with Our Thousand Year Victory in Iraq or the War on Muslims or reconquista or some other wingnutty obsession than the non-issue of global warming? I refuse to believe the Assman couldn't boil his most complex thoughts on those subjects down to seven syllables.

Not An Upgrade

NBC has replaced a Pumpkinhead with a talking wigstand.

Republican 2.0. And no one should be surprised.

The Right Man's Burden

Kathy Lopez, Grade 5, writes a book report:

I read a lot of contemporary non-fiction. Kathleen Parker's Save the Males stands out in a overcrowded field. With a light and clever hand, this southern lady works to save the males and Western Civ. "You'll laugh, you'll cry" may be a cliché but it's true here.

Save the Males has something for everyone. Young women will read Save the Males and have an appreciation for what their male contemporaries are up against. Mothers will read Save the Males and recognize a familiar story. Hardened feminists may read Save the Males and feel remorse. Men will appreciate that they're appreciated. Everyone should read, can read, and will enjoy reading Save the Males.

You'll spot the problem immediately: There are too many contemporary non-fiction books, but not enough that everyone can read.

Speaking of hardened, Publisher's Weekly summarizes the plot (Warning: Contains spoilers):

According to columnist Parker, men are an endangered species struggling against everything from mere hostility to literal emasculation. Starting in elementary school, where a teacher most likely a feminist will demand that boys sit still and listen and continuing through college, where freshmen must endure rape awareness workshops, men are besieged by disrespect. Belittled by bumbling portrayals in sitcoms, their importance as fathers is so devalued that they are perceived as little more than sperm and a wallet. Parker trots out the usual suspects — mass culture, unspecified feminists, The Vagina Monologues, Murphy Brown, metrosexuals and girlymen — to propose that a feminist campaign is afoot and eager to effeminize, denigrate and destroy American men. Although Parker's deliberate provocations make for lively reading, the majority of her claims are too fanciful and unsubstantiated to be genuinely thought provoking or even interesting (erectile dysfunction is caused by young, sexually aggressive women; women serving in the army put the nation at risk).

Funny. I've had the opposite experience, though not nearly often enough.

One wonders about the circumstances in which this happens -- Is it during sex with a young, sexually aggressive woman whose youth and enthusiasm disgusts you? While having sex with an old and/or sexually passive woman and wishing you were elsewhere? While trying to beat off surreptitiously in the Feminist Theory section of the campus bookstore?

And Parker's publisher doesn't make the tome sound any better:

Exploring our burgeoning "slut culture" and the vividly narcissistic prevalence of vagina worship, Save the Males softens no edges.

Well, that sounds painful. Next time, try a water-soluble lubricant.

Parker is angling to become the Bernie Goldberg of pathetic losers who blame their failures on the opposite sex. Frankly, anyone who believes that men or boys are victimized in American culture because of their gender needs her head examined. And anyone who blames the inability to perform on young, sexually aggressive women needs his head examined.

Porno for Pantloads

Jonah Goldberg admits that he is a consumer of beastiality videos, although, more often than not, he doesn't go looking for them:

Surprising as it may be to some, I'm far from an aficionado of donkey porn. But going by what little I've been exposed to (usually unwittingly), I'd say that video comes up way shy of "bestiality."

I guess that's the hazard of having a mom who brought her work home.

[SALLY] QUINN: I don't know any single person who ever thought that Tim was unfair.

...

QUINN: Yes, but, you know, the thing that is so interesting about it was that everybody believed Tim. There was never -- I never heard anybody say, "Do you think Tim is telling the truth?"