Snark

Oh, oh. More Americans will die because of unelected judges from the Reagan and Bush administrations:

With some derision for the Bush administration's arguments, a three-judge panel said the government contended that its accusations against the detainee should be accepted as true because they had been repeated in at least three secret documents.

The court compared that to the absurd declaration of a character in the Lewis Carroll poem "The Hunting of the Snark": "I have said it thrice: What I tell you three times is true."

"This comes perilously close to suggesting that whatever the government says must be treated as true," said the panel of the Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit.

The unanimous panel overturned as invalid a Pentagon determination that the detainee, Huzaifa Parhat, a member of the ethnic Uighur Muslim minority in western China, was properly held as an enemy combatant.

"Whatever the government says must be true" pretty much defines the Bush Administation's governing philosophy. And it's the exact opposite that's true.

Always Be Your Own Person

I'm guessing(*) Terrebonne Parish is a G.O.P. shithole stronghold:

HOUMA, La. (AP) -- School officials in Terrebonne Parish are considering a policy that would require all commencement speeches to be in English.

The proposal comes after Hue and Cindy Vo, cousins who were co-valedictorians at Ellender High School, delivered part of their commencement addresses last month in Vietnamese.

Cindy Vo, the daughter of Vietnamese immigrants, spoke about high-school memories, friends and the future. Then Ms. Vo, 18, recited a sentence in Vietnamese dedicated to her parents, as they watched. She told classmates that the line, roughly translated, was a command to always be your own person.

David Bourg, the secondary education supervisor with the Terrebonne Parish School District, is forming a committee of educators to study the graduations at the four high schools and to make recommendations to the school board. Officials are also considering other proposals, like requiring a prayer during the ceremony.

Congratulations to Ms. Vo for her accomplishments, and for escaping that cracker hellhole.

* I guessed right.

Roger's Bible Study

On this holiest of days -- the day off -- we turn to matters theological. Our lesson this morning is from the Gospel of Saint James, whose author recalls the woman taken in adultery:

I don't question Quinn's grief or the sincerity of her gesture, though I suspect that Quinn may have also queued up to receive Communion because it would give everyone at the service an opportunity to get a good look at her on such a somber, star-studded occasion.

Well put!

Seems like Sally Quinn took a bite out of Christ during the Tim Russert Farewell Tour even though she's not a Catholic, and hilarity ensued. Wolcott points out that Quinn, the Marion Davies of Our Beltway Betters, was given charge of the Washington Post's On Faith e-section even though she lacks a certain grasp of the fundamentals. What Quinn does have is connections to a higher power, namely, droning God-botherer Jon Meacham. To Quinn and her ilk, religion is another neighborhood/private school/gala charity ball where knowing the right people gets you in -- and by "you," she means her and not you.

Meanwhile, there are growing hopes that there will be a peace settlement between the Jews and the Presbyterians:

Seeking elusive balance on Middle East issues, the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) General Assembly on Friday urged its members to become "nonpartisan advocates for peace" and "a voice for the victims of violence in both Israel and Palestine."

But disagreement also erupted over the assembly's decision to endorse an Arab-Israeli peace proposal that Jewish leaders say would spell the end of the state of Israel. The high emotions around the resolutions underscored tensions in a denomination that traditionally has identified strongly with the Palestinian cause but has made an effort recently to be more sensitive to Jewish concerns.

...

Several Jewish groups issued a joint statement Friday welcoming the Presbyterians' move "toward balance" on its policies in the region but raised concern about the endorsement of the Amman Call. Jonathan Bernstein, director of a San Francisco-based regional office of Anti-Defamation League, echoed that view.

"It's a sign to me that we need to do more dialogue in educating with the Presbyterian Church," Bernstein said [somewhat incoherently -- RA].

Blessed are the cheesemakers indeed.

(By the way, Quinn's article on Pumpkinhead's passing contains multiple nuggets of found comedy gold, especially Tim's Friday Random Ten, the miracle at the memorial, and Tim's advice on heart health.)

We've Lost Pixar

Digital Animation Studio Objectively Pro-Terrorist, Cries Kiddie-Film Watching Moron

(Warning: Contains link to moron)

Brand Jesus

Another Christian educator has fallen victim to political correctness. John Freshwater wanted to make Our Savior relevant to the youth of Mount Vernon, Ohio, and there's nothing that middle schoolers love more than body modifications. But Satan said "No":

A Mount Vernon teacher undermined science instruction in the public school district by discrediting evolution in his classroom and focusing on creationism and intelligent design, an investigation has found.

...

For 11 years, other teachers in the school district and people in the community complained about Freshwater preaching his Christian beliefs in class and slamming scientific theories, a school administrator told investigators.

...

The report confirmed that Freshwater burned crosses onto students' arms, using an electrostatic device, in December.

Freshwater told investigators the marks were X's, not crosses. But all of the students interviewed in the investigation reported being branded with crosses. The investigation report includes a photo of one student's arm with a long vertical line and a short horizontal line running through it.

Not only did the kids learn a valuable lesson about the regenerative properties of skin cells, they learned the basics of tattooing as well. What pre-teen doesn't want to look like his or her favorite death row inmate or member of Fall Out Boy? And it's not like Freshwater had reason to believe it was dangerous to burn human flesh.

Sadly, there are some backsliders who refuse to support Freshwater fully:

Freshwater's friend Dave Daubenmire defended him.

"With the exception of the cross-burning episode.... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district," he said.

You can't be a true Christian or a true American if you don't support cross-burning, Daubsy.

Freshwater also gave students extra credit for watching the movie Expelled as well. I smell sequel! And get those folks from Liberty Film Festival on the blower!

I'm guessing John the Baptist's got a entire basement full of spanking videos, and not just The Passion of the Christ, either. Let's hope his coreligionists in the wingnutosphere take up John's crusade so he can get back to suffering the little children by the beginning of the school year.

The Rocket's Red Ass

If you had a chance to talk to the man you hope will become the next president, what would you say? Here's what Johnny Assrocket of the Powerpuff Blog would -- and did - say:

John McCain was in town for a big event at the Minneapolis Hilton and a town hall appearance in St. Paul. My wife and I waited for an hour and a half for a photo with the candidate; as so often happens, he was running late. I figured I'd have ten seconds with him, so I wanted to choose my words carefully. I decided to introduce my wife and myself, and say, "Global warming is b***s***." That seemed like the most meaningful message I could convey in the short time available.

Several questions spring to mind. Foremost is: How did Assrocket pronounce the ***s in "b***s***"?

Second is: Why would he say something to the Senator that he is too ashamed to spell out on his blog?

Third: Did he realize that, if McCain was even bothering to listen, he wouldn't understand whether Assrocket was opposed to global warming or denying the existence of global warming?

Fourth: Didn't Assrocket participate in those blogger conference calls with McCain, where McCain pretended to listen at length to Assrocket and his idiot pals? Why is McCain suddenly so inaccessible to Time magazine's Blogger of the Year?

And, finally: Shouldn't Assrocket be more concerned with Our Thousand Year Victory in Iraq or the War on Muslims or reconquista or some other wingnutty obsession than the non-issue of global warming? I refuse to believe the Assman couldn't boil his most complex thoughts on those subjects down to seven syllables.

Not An Upgrade

NBC has replaced a Pumpkinhead with a talking wigstand.

Republican 2.0. And no one should be surprised.

The Right Man's Burden

Kathy Lopez, Grade 5, writes a book report:

I read a lot of contemporary non-fiction. Kathleen Parker's Save the Males stands out in a overcrowded field. With a light and clever hand, this southern lady works to save the males and Western Civ. "You'll laugh, you'll cry" may be a cliché but it's true here.

Save the Males has something for everyone. Young women will read Save the Males and have an appreciation for what their male contemporaries are up against. Mothers will read Save the Males and recognize a familiar story. Hardened feminists may read Save the Males and feel remorse. Men will appreciate that they're appreciated. Everyone should read, can read, and will enjoy reading Save the Males.

You'll spot the problem immediately: There are too many contemporary non-fiction books, but not enough that everyone can read.

Speaking of hardened, Publisher's Weekly summarizes the plot (Warning: Contains spoilers):

According to columnist Parker, men are an endangered species struggling against everything from mere hostility to literal emasculation. Starting in elementary school, where a teacher most likely a feminist will demand that boys sit still and listen and continuing through college, where freshmen must endure rape awareness workshops, men are besieged by disrespect. Belittled by bumbling portrayals in sitcoms, their importance as fathers is so devalued that they are perceived as little more than sperm and a wallet. Parker trots out the usual suspects — mass culture, unspecified feminists, The Vagina Monologues, Murphy Brown, metrosexuals and girlymen — to propose that a feminist campaign is afoot and eager to effeminize, denigrate and destroy American men. Although Parker's deliberate provocations make for lively reading, the majority of her claims are too fanciful and unsubstantiated to be genuinely thought provoking or even interesting (erectile dysfunction is caused by young, sexually aggressive women; women serving in the army put the nation at risk).

Funny. I've had the opposite experience, though not nearly often enough.

One wonders about the circumstances in which this happens -- Is it during sex with a young, sexually aggressive woman whose youth and enthusiasm disgusts you? While having sex with an old and/or sexually passive woman and wishing you were elsewhere? While trying to beat off surreptitiously in the Feminist Theory section of the campus bookstore?

And Parker's publisher doesn't make the tome sound any better:

Exploring our burgeoning "slut culture" and the vividly narcissistic prevalence of vagina worship, Save the Males softens no edges.

Well, that sounds painful. Next time, try a water-soluble lubricant.

Parker is angling to become the Bernie Goldberg of pathetic losers who blame their failures on the opposite sex. Frankly, anyone who believes that men or boys are victimized in American culture because of their gender needs her head examined. And anyone who blames the inability to perform on young, sexually aggressive women needs his head examined.

Porno for Pantloads

Jonah Goldberg admits that he is a consumer of beastiality videos, although, more often than not, he doesn't go looking for them:

Surprising as it may be to some, I'm far from an aficionado of donkey porn. But going by what little I've been exposed to (usually unwittingly), I'd say that video comes up way shy of "bestiality."

I guess that's the hazard of having a mom who brought her work home.

And When They Rolled Away The Stone, Tim Was Gone

[SALLY] QUINN: I don't know any single person who ever thought that Tim was unfair.

...

QUINN: Yes, but, you know, the thing that is so interesting about it was that everybody believed Tim. There was never -- I never heard anybody say, "Do you think Tim is telling the truth?"

The Late Pumpkin

Tim Russert has passed away. Our condolences to the family.

Republican Family Values: Bottom Of The Ninth Edition

The Republican Koz -- Reagan appointee cum Ninth Circuit Chief Judge Alex Kozinski -- tries to increase his hit count by posting some rather eclectic photos to his website. The pictures were taken at Kozinski's hospitality suite during a recent gathering of the Federalist Society.

One of the highest-ranking federal judges in the United States, who is currently presiding over an obscenity trial in Los Angeles, has maintained his own publicly accessible website featuring sexually explicit photos and videos.

Alex Kozinski, chief judge of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, acknowledged in an interview with The Times that he had posted the materials, which included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as "funny."

...

The sexually explicit material on Kozinski's site earlier this week was extensive, including images of masturbation, public sex and contortionist sex. There was a slide show striptease featuring a transsexual, and a folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches as seen through snug fitting clothing or underwear. There were also themes of defecation and urination, though they are not presented in a sexual context.

Philistine!

The judge said he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest years ago.

"People send me stuff like this all the time," he said.

He keeps the things he finds interesting or funny with the thought that he might later pass them on to friends, he said.

The majority of the images were sent to Judge K. from clarencethomas@uscourts.gov.

I don't care what Kozinski likes to look at, or finds interesting or funny, but his explanation -- that people just send these things to him -- seems pretty dubious to me. But at least he's taking a judicious approach to editing his blog:

Kozinski said he would delete some material from his site, including the photo depicting women as cows, which he said was "degrading . . . and just gross." He also said he planned to get rid of a graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.

That one was, on reflection, not as funny as he first thought.

The idea of Patterico scouring the 'net for beastiality content -- "I think I may have found the video with the man and the aroused farm animal," he crows -- is, on the other hand, a laff riot! (No link)

More: When I said family values, I wasn't kidding. The family that posts non-sexual urination photos together stays together.

Hey Hey, Ho Ho/Howie the Putz Is A Lying Ho

In comments, Liars For McCaca points out this "Note" from Howie Kurtz's June 6 online column:

(Note: The original headline on this column was "Hey, Ho, Please Don't Go," which is, of course, a play on Vietnam-era antiwar chants that often began "Hey Hey, Ho Ho." It frankly never occurred to me that some readers would seize on the "ho" and view that as a disparaging remark about Hillary Clinton. As someone who has criticized some of the sexist treatment she has received, I regret if anyone took that the wrong way.)

And my references to Howie the Putz are, of course, a play on the golf stroke that often occurs on the green.

Howie's column, of course, has nothing to do with the Vietnam war or protests or opposition to the war or chanting, so, of course, it was natural for Howie to make a play on Vietnam-era antiwar chants in reference to a column about Hillary Clinton in the 2008 primaries. And the fact that Howie didn't quote the actual chant, of course, is frankly something Howie hopes you won't notice. The fact that the "play" gave Howie the chance to call the Senator a whore was, frankly and of course, just an unexpected windfall.

Jacques, Sniffing

Jane Hamsher is exactly right on this one:

"This makes it very difficult for the rest of us to do our jobs," Jonathan Alter, a columnist and political reporter for Newsweek, said in an interview. "If you don't have trust, you don't get good stories. If someone comes along and uses deception to shatter that trust, she has hurt the very cause of a free flow of public information that she claims she wants to assist."

"You identify yourself when you're interviewing somebody," Mr. Alter added. "It's just a form of cheating not to."

But to Jane Hamsher, a onetime Hollywood producer who founded Firedoglake, a politics-oriented Web site that tilts left, Mr. Alter's rules of the road are in need of repaving. For starters, she said, the onus was on Mr. Clinton to establish who Ms. Fowler was before deciding to speak as he did. That he failed to quiz her at all, Ms. Hamsher said, was Mr. Clinton's problem, not Ms. Fowler's. As a result, Ms. Hamsher said, the public got to experience the unplugged musings of a former president (and candidate's spouse) in a way that might never have been captured on tape by an old boy on the bus like Mr. Alter.

"It's hurting America that journalists consider their first loyalty to be to their subjects, and not to the people they're reporting for," she said.

President Clinton was at a public event, in a crowd, shaking hands with people. The woman asked him a question and he answered it. She didn't misrepresent herself. The answer was reported accurately. Clinton's an adult. End of story.

The controversy Steinberg tries to gin up is nonexistent. Steinberg doesn't even bother to inquire as to whether the President had any objection. Instead he writes that the posting of the audiotape at the Huffington Post "might have caught Mr. Clinton by surprise." Either it did or it didn't, and I suspect the President was happy to have his criticism of Purdum made widely known.

Leave the media circle jerks to Howie Kurtz, Jacques.

In The Navy

The producers of National Review's Boat Trip have inked a new starlet:

We're happy to announce that Dan Rather's best friend, Power Line blogmeister Scott Johnson, has agreed to join the sterling line-up of conservative All Stars – including Mitt Romney, Victor Davis Hanson, Bernard Lewis, Mark Steyn, Christopher Buckley, William McGurn, Jonah Goldberg, Brent Bozell, Pat Toomey, Andy McCarthy, Rob Long, Deroy Murdoch, Byron York, Kathryn Lopez, Kate O'Beirne, Ramesh Ponnuru, Jay Nordlinger, John J. Miller, Darcy Olsen, and Fr. Robert Sirico – on the National Review 2008 Post-Election Caribbean Cruise.

We look forward to having Scott share his insights on the American scene and current events as we sail the sunny Caribbean this November 8-15 on Holland America Line's new Eurodam. Join the 400-plus NR voyagers who've already signed up for this spectacular sojourn: you can reserve your cabin, and find complete information about the trip, at www.nrcruise.com.

Sounds like the Muffster's not holding out much hope for a Republican victory this fall if he's spending the week after the election trolling for donations from the dislocated hip crowd.

And with a lineup like this, the concept of shipboard romance has never been more unpalatable.

Senator Clinton concedes the race and endorses Senator Obama for President:

The way to continue our fight now, to accomplish the goals for which we stand is to take our energy, our passion, our strength, and do all we can to help elect Barack Obama, the next president of the United States.

Onto whom shall Maureen Dowd now project her fantasies of emasculating Senator Obama?

Tchotchkes We Can Believe In

While Senator Obama leads a campaign of hope and change, John McCain and the RNC peddle tat to those who think a recovery in the Beanie Babies market will lead us out of recession:

Embroidered with the official logo of the RNC, Sam is decked out in red, white and blue and is sure to be the hit of your July Fourth party.

Sam is available for a limited-time only to our most loyal supporters like you, Schlomo. We'll send you Sam today with your special contribution of at least $35.

Or you can get all four Republican collectibles -- Sam, Max, Maxine, and Patrick -- with your special contribution of $110 by clicking here. The RNC elephants are wonderful plush toys and make a perfect gift for your favorite Republicans.

Your donation will be put to work immediately. The RNC is leading the way to ensure John McCain and all our Republican candidates have the resources needed to run strong campaigns and defeat the liberal Democrats this November.

What are the odds Sam is made in China and stuffed with lead shavings?

(From an e-mail)

Congratulations To Senator Obama on His Forthcoming Nomination

And congratulations to all the Hillary-or-the-Highway Dems on your return to the Republican party. Get busy working for John McCain; he's going to need the help.

They Always Come Back

Jesse Taylor, the best judge of character and talent in the history of the blogosphere, is back at Pandagon. Let the celebrations begin!

Someone should have warned him about law school, though. The upside is he'll have plenty of time to spend on the blog.

Ann Telnaes slanders sheep.

Recount

Representative Alcee Hastings needs better staffers. From the Representative's May 31 statement:

At the beginning of our great country's history my ancestors were counted as only 2/3 of a person. Until passage of the 15th Amendment in 1870, they weren't allowed to vote. During that same time and until 1920, women could not vote. White men who did not own property could not vote at one point in our history as well.

The number the Representative is thinking of is three-fifths. And, of course, Hastings' ancestors weren't counted at all, because they were denied the right to vote. The three-fifths compromise was a device to increase the power of the subhuman crackers who enslaved Hastings' ancestors.

Meanwhile, there appears to be some conflict within the Democratic Party. Hopefully, I can find some thoughtful blog commentary to enlighten me as to the details.