Friends Without Benefits

Kathy J. Lopez's crusade to make abstinence fun continues unabated:

I'm a big fan of programs that treat children like people, not animals. Programs that operate under the assumption that if you love them enough to challenge them, they often won't disappoint you. That even if they do, you've planted seeds and given them a compass that will flourish, or at least help, when they need it most. Yes, some teenagers will have sex. They're human like everyone else — only with overactive hormones. But there is great promise for kids who are given other options. Sex tends to be near everywhere — amplified and romanticized, free of consequences — in our culture and adults frequently don't help matters. Present young people with other possibilities — other than instant gratification — make them fun and inviting and constructive and you'll be surprised what you get out of creative, energetic youngsters.

What kid can't use a flourishing compass?

And what fun, constructive and gratification-delaying alternatives to sex does our Kath propose? Well, Rockin' with the Oldies, for one:

Since I had missed young Colin Powell and Bill Bennett singing "How Sweet It Is" in shades and leather bomber jackets in years past, I was glad to get the flashback during a brief video presentation during dinner. Having been a faithful Solid Gold viewer, I got a kick out of seeing that Marilyn McCoo has not aged a day since Ronald Reagan was president. She's still in her prime singing "One Less Bell to Answer."

It was a fun D.C. party unlike any others. Mike Pence, Jack Kemp, and, of course, Bill Bennett, were all spotted on the dance floor. Best Friends friends Alma Powell, Senator Mel Martinez, and Herb London of the Hudson Institute hung on until the very end last night, through the tireless Chuck Brown.

Who wouldn't prefer grampa singing karaoke to fornication?

But the Best Friends program isn't all In Da Club For Growth. It's also about mentoring. Jack Kemp teaches at-risk youth the fundamentals of football. Bill Bennett shows them how to shoot dice and trigger Type 2 diabetes. Colin Powell instructs them on how to lie to the United Nations and thereafter successfully avoid responsibility for doing so. Mike Pence encourages them join the military so they can act as human shields for him and John McCain when they tour Bagdhad.

And, yes, this is the fundraiser where Bill O'Reilly accused the program's beneficiaries of using their creativity and energy to steal their benefactors' hubcaps.