Monday, February 22, 2010

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

The rains fall on the just and the unjust.

WASHINGTON - Former Vice President Dick Cheney was at George Washington University Hospital Monday in Washington, D.C. after experiencing chest pains.

A family member told NBC News he was resting comfortably while doctors evaluated his condition.

Two doctors at George Washington University Hospital said Cheney was stable but may have additional treatment Tuesday. "We don't know what the plan is," one physician told NBC News.

Sounds familiar.

May Dick get the treatment we all deserve.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

My undercover investigation into America's health care system is completed.

Takeaway: Don't get sick.

Posting to resume anonish.

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Asspora

Thor Thorasson has banned more than half Republican Party and more than half his fellow crackers from RedState.

In other words, Erick sold his soul to the MSM for thirty cups of Morning Joe. Where will the outcast go? To freerepublic and Atlas Juggs? Maybe Greg Girard will start a website.

A Fearless Symmetry

75 percent of respondents in a national poll stated that gay men and lesbians are fit to serve in the military.

75 percent of respondents in a national poll refused to state Sharia Plain is fit to serve as president.

So: Is the country one-quarter full of morons, or three-quarters empty of morons?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Trickle Down

I wonder which of the following caused the biggest trickle down David Broder's leg?

I will live I will die for the people of America. This party that we call the Tea Party, this movement, as I say is the future of politics in America.

How's that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?

They know we're at war, and to win that war we need a commander in chief and not a professor of law standing at the lectern.

At least the Dean has come out of the closet and no longer pretends to be bipartisan. Did his parents finally die or something?

The RNC came up with a good idea. It goes without saything that it has nothing to do with policy. And most of the gags fall flat, even if you accept the mostly inaccuarate premises of the joke.

Perhaps a series of V.D. cards featuring bloggers might work. Try this one:

Ann Althouse card: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and another jug of wine."

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Whadda Ya Mean "We," White Man?

Marty "The Wedding Singer" Peretz:

Some place in the prints this morning, I saw President Obama characterized as bi-racial. It led me to thinking about the way we read men and women with different proportions of blackness in them. Pretty much up to now, it was the Nuremberg Law model: a little bit of Jewish blood, you're Jewish … a little bit of black blood, you're black.

Really, Marty? The way "we" think about persons with some black/African ancestry is "the Numerberg Law model?" I can't imagine most people today base their thinking on a Nazi racial purity law. And if "we're" thinking about black ancestry, wouldn't we be thinking about the one-drop statutes in the United States, which actually applied to African-Americans? And have the Jews in Marty's "we" abandoned their own definitions of Jewishness for the Nazi model?

Marty's thinking about multi-racial ancestry is just a lead in for a bash-session aimed Attorney General Eric Holder, the Reverend Al Sharpton, Rep. Elijah Cummings, Michael Eric Dyson (who Marty criticizes for either the amount or content of his writings) and other black gentleman who should have no concern about passing the "one-drop test." But then again, no one ever said Marty had to be coherent.

P.S. to Marty: You mean "reeked." Hire better interns.

That's not ink, that's Rich Lowry's semen

Mary Katherine "Butt" Ham, comedy ethics expert:

Robert Gibbs Goes Dane Cook: Steals Jokes from Sarah Palin to Make Fun of Her Focused like a laser.

BY Mary Katharine Ham

In a White House briefing where the president showed up (because Howard Kurtz wrote a column) to talk about his bipartisan health-care summit and getting beyond politics to solve problems, the White House press secretary used the dumbest political story of the week to take a shot at a former governor and Fox News Contributor from the podium.


Gibbs went petty today, as he so often does, by scribbling notes on his palm today, featuring "eggs, milk, bread, hope and change."

This would have been funny if Sarah Palin hadn't already made the joke, and better, herself.

Palin wrote "Hi, Mom" on her hand before a Sunday rally for Rick Perry in the wake of the uproar over her hand notes the day before. It was one of those moments that, for any person not caught up in Palin Derangement Syndrome, should have made crystal clear why people love her. For all his strengths, Barack Obama is capable of nothing like that sort of folksy self-deprecation.

Gibbs' joke kind of loses its punch when its subject has already made it. Plus, now the Left is forced to write about how totally lame Palin's joke was while simultaneously praising Gibbs' truly lame copy of it. That's gonna be some tough blog-writing, but I believe in them.

All this to say...Robert Gibbs is the Dane Cook of political humor. I hope he's proud of himself.

At the risk of being compared to Milton Berle, let me say that Mary Katherine Ham is fucking retarded.

Now there's one Ham that will never be bone-in. *rimshot*

The Highest and Best Use of The Internet

The internet keeps getting better:

Our Assistant Managing editor Michael van der Galien did a great job live-blogging today's episode of Glenn Beck. You can read them all here: Glenn Beck Live Blog Part I Glenn Beck Live Blog Part II Glenn Beck Live Blog Part III Glenn Beck Live Blog Part IV Glenn Beck Live Blog Part V Glenn Beck Live Blog Part VI Glenn Beck Live Blog Part VII NewsReal Blog will frequently live-blog Glenn Beck as well as other cable news programs and presidential speeches. We hope you'll join us for the next one.

Could this be even stupider than it sounds?


Much, much, much stupider.

You'll have to read the whole thing to find out how.

Man, I need my own blogging team. Specialization is the wave of the future.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Do Lie, Do Tell

A headline at Tucker Faye Karlason's Daily Choler reads:

Polls show service members oppose gays in military as Gates and Mullen prepare to testify on Don't Ask Don't Tell

How does Bow-Tie Boy lie? Let us count the ways.

1. The story cites one purported DADT poll, not polls.

2. The purported poll cited is a December 2008 Military Times poll. Not a poll taken as Gates and Mullen prepare to testify.

3. The 2008 Military Times survey was not a poll of service members, but a summary of responses to an e-mail sent by Military Times to its subscribers.

As someone once said, "Everything [Tucker] wrote is a lie, including 'and' and 'the.'"