Brand Jesus

Another Christian educator has fallen victim to political correctness. John Freshwater wanted to make Our Savior relevant to the youth of Mount Vernon, Ohio, and there's nothing that middle schoolers love more than body modifications. But Satan said "No":

A Mount Vernon teacher undermined science instruction in the public school district by discrediting evolution in his classroom and focusing on creationism and intelligent design, an investigation has found.

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For 11 years, other teachers in the school district and people in the community complained about Freshwater preaching his Christian beliefs in class and slamming scientific theories, a school administrator told investigators.

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The report confirmed that Freshwater burned crosses onto students' arms, using an electrostatic device, in December.

Freshwater told investigators the marks were X's, not crosses. But all of the students interviewed in the investigation reported being branded with crosses. The investigation report includes a photo of one student's arm with a long vertical line and a short horizontal line running through it.

Not only did the kids learn a valuable lesson about the regenerative properties of skin cells, they learned the basics of tattooing as well. What pre-teen doesn't want to look like his or her favorite death row inmate or member of Fall Out Boy? And it's not like Freshwater had reason to believe it was dangerous to burn human flesh.

Sadly, there are some backsliders who refuse to support Freshwater fully:

Freshwater's friend Dave Daubenmire defended him.

"With the exception of the cross-burning episode.... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district," he said.

You can't be a true Christian or a true American if you don't support cross-burning, Daubsy.

Freshwater also gave students extra credit for watching the movie Expelled as well. I smell sequel! And get those folks from Liberty Film Festival on the blower!

I'm guessing John the Baptist's got a entire basement full of spanking videos, and not just The Passion of the Christ, either. Let's hope his coreligionists in the wingnutosphere take up John's crusade so he can get back to suffering the little children by the beginning of the school year.