Grand Old Police Blotter: A Real Dog's Dinner Edition

A reader sends a link to this column, which is too grotesque to summarize.

It involves a Nixon Administration scumbag, Fred Malek, who was, in his pre-White House days, was "arrested in [an] incident, in which a dog was killed, skinned, gutted and barbecued on a spit."

A real proto-Frist, that Malek.

For What It's Worth

A bit of friendly free advice, Claude. Consider hiring a new attorney.

It's all a misunderstanding won't cut it.

This is how you do it:

"Mr. Allen was so focused on urgent national virginity matters, it is hardly surprising that he would later confuse, forget or misremember which items he picked up off the Target shelf twice."

A second bit of advice: Don't hold your breath waiting for a legal defense fund bankrolled by your former pals.

Payback's A Bitch, And So Are You

From the Washington Post:

Before that, Allen worked for the Virginia state attorney general's office and as state health and human resources secretary. In that job, he earned a reputation as a staunch conservative; once he kept Medicaid funds from an impoverished rape victim who wanted an abortion.

The Golden Arm

First there was the Smacky, right-wing journalism's most prestigious award.

Now comes the Smacky, Jr.

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "junk journalism."

Grand Old Police Blotter: Claude the Fraud Edition

Sing it, Claude A. Allen:

I've been caught stealing
Once, when I was forty-five
I enjoy stealing
It's just as simple as that
Well, it's just a simple fact
When I want something
I don't want to pay for it
I walk right through the door
Walk right through the door
Walk right through the door
Hey all right!
If I get by, it's mine
Mine all mine!

Sing it, Boyden!

Given their understanding of what a judge should do, the radical Left's criticisms of Allen are more understandable. He is conservative and unapologetically pro-family. Were he to follow their judicial model, he might well implement his own "agenda," favoring life and responsibility, just as liberal judges have happily imposed theirs.

...

Claude Allen promises not to advance a political agenda from the federal bench he has been nominated to, but to be the type of judge who buttresses the foundation of American government -- by applying the rule of law however he finds it. President Bush, and the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit, could do much worse than Allen.

If I get by, it's mine, all mine!

Sing it, Claude!

"We could expound on and undertake a campaign against Jim Hunt's connections with the homosexuals, the labor union connection, the radical feminist connection, the socialist connection."

Subsequent reports claim that Allen's precise words had actually been: "We could go back and do the same thing with the queers[...]" But then he called the reporter back and apologized for his choice of words.

The socialist connection indeed!

He walks right through the door.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Where's The Justice (Department) Edition?

A little over a year ago, we reported linked to a story about Republican war profiteers stealing millions from the United States government.

No, not MZM and Mitchell Wade.

These Republican war profiteers.

World O'Crap has more of the details here.

Today, Atrios has the followup report from the L.A. Times:

As outlined in a Los Angeles Times story, two whistle-blowers came forward in the fall of 2003 to accuse Custer Battles of fraud. Robert Isakson and William "Pete" Baldwin eventually filed a claim under the False Claims Act, a Civil War-era anti-fraud measure that allows private citizens to file suit on behalf of the government and to receive a portion of any money recovered. In this case, the two men stand to receive as much as $3 million, with the government recovering the rest.

The False Claims Act allows the Justice Department to join whistle-blowers in the prosecution of cases. But in this case, government attorneys did not intervene. Grayson, the lawyer for Isakson and Baldwin, attributed the decision to political considerations. Battles ran as a Republican candidate for Congress in 2002, and Custer boasted of the company's ties to the administration.

Baldwin and Isakson described a scheme in which Custer and Battles inflated invoices to recover more money than allowed under the currency exchange contract. A separate trial is expected concerning the airport contract.

Among other things, the men recounted how company officials created offshore companies in the Cayman Islands, drawing up fictitious leases and other documents to justify the high costs.

The company also inflated charges for a helicopter pad, portable housing units and forklifts, which it had taken from Baghdad airport and repainted to look like Custer Battles equipment.

Note that this isn't a criminal trial, but a private action under the False Claims Act. So why hasn't the government prosecuted Custer Battles and its principals? It is because, according to Scott Custer, "[Mike] Battles is very active in the Republican Party and speaks to individuals he knows at the White House almost daily"?

It's beyond time for the Justice Department to start prosecuting.

For treason.

The Times, They Are A Changin'

Interesting (assuming you have the same interests as me) stuff about the Moonie Times. According to FishBowlDC, two former reporters are planning to write separate books about their time at the rag.

One, George Archibald, reports that management often rewrote reporters' copy to fit the Father's story line:

It is Archibald's belief that many seasoned and veteran reporters at the Times have left the paper or been pushed out "because of Coombs ill-tempered micro-management of reporters and repeated changes to their copy without consultation with the reporters, often for apparent ideological, political or other reasons at the behest of senior editors."

Of course, if Archibald put up with that crap for 23 years, he's really not in a position to complain.

"I do not like bigots and there is some bigotry that I will talk about," Archibald says. Archibald has other stories (which he may or may not include in the book) about suspiciously canned stories, tempers, egos, poor leadership from the top and the Washington Times purported losses of $2.5 billion over the years.

Bigots at the Moonie Times?!? Hell, that rag's a Burning Cross Festival.

FishBowlDC also reports (quoting Archibald) that the vile bastard Wes Pruden is hanging up his blue pencil and white hood within a year.

"Some also have told me reporters were pushed out because Coombs did not believe they were sufficiently toeing his line or sufficiently loyal to the way he wanted them to report their beat and write their stories -- or because they were senior with high-enough salaries that he could get rid of them and hire two younger "hungry" reporters for their cost who would be his loyalists -- that he is remaking the newsroom for the time he might become editor-in-chief after Wes Pruden retires in a year or so."

I'm sure Wes has a book in him, already sold to Regnery or Thomas Nelson. I'm guessing a Tim Russert-style appreciation of his dad, Grand Kleagle Wes and Me.

The article also hints at a power struggle between anti-Semite Tony Blankley and all-races-hater Frannie Coombs when Pruden leaves the editor-in-chief position.

The second reporter leaving the Moon compound is an African-American, Robert Redding, Jnr., who said that the Moonie Times policy against reporters blogging "was a tipping point" in his decision to leave the compound. Meanwhile, the Times' second or third most notorious white supremacist, Robert Stacy McCain, blogs with the Times' blessing.

You know what I'd love to see? I'd love to see Mr. Redding hook up with one of McCain's daughters. They'd make a lovely couple.

Doesn't matter which one.

Hell, I'll pay for the first date.

Dinner and a movie.

Protection, too, if they want it.

(Thanks to readers for the FishBowl link.)

p.s. -- Be sure to visit McCain's blog. He promises to add me to his blogroll if I "bring the hits." You can also e-mail Bobbie at r.s.mccain@worldnet.att.net to request a review copy of his book.

Sex Tourism With Nick Kristof

Nick Pistof is so profoundly offended by the sexual exploitation of Asian women that he uses their plight as a punchline in a promotion of his Win A Date Trip With Nick Contest.

Now I should say upfront that our lawyers are pretty boring. They've nixed the idea of us all hiking through Afghan minefields, riding a camel through Darfur, or sneaking illegally into Zimbabwe. So no war zones. And no purchases of Cambodian sex slaves this time.

The ideal candidate would be someone who's hip to Nick's shit, and willing to write about Pistof after returning from the trip. But I suppose that's too much to hope for.

Profiling

The next time some racist tells you that racial profiling is legitimate, tell them they're full of shit.

Three college students from the prosperous suburbs south of Birmingham, two of them 19 and one 20, were arrested today in the burning of nine Baptist churches in rural Alabama last month that federal officials say was a prank that spun out of control.

Benjamin N. Moseley and Russell L. DeBusk Jr., both 19 and students at Birmingham Southern College, were arrested after admitting their involvement in the fires to federal agents who had been led to them by tire tracks left behind at several of the burned churches, officials said.

Arrested a few hours later was Matthew Lee Cloyd, 20, a student at the nearby University of Alabama-Birmingham whose mother was the owner of the 2000 Toyota 4Runner that had left the tracks, federal agents said in an affidavit accompanying the criminal complaint against the three men.

The identities of the accused came as a surprise to investigators, who had speculated that the arsons were the work of people intimately familiar with the remote rural roads where the fires were set, not products of Birmingham's upper-middle class, one the son of a doctor and another of a county constable.

"This is just so hard to believe," said Alabama Fire Marshal Richard Montgomery. "My profile on these suspects is shot all to heck and back."

Yes, the article has nothing to do with racial profiling. It has to do with the prejudice inherent in any form of profiling. Good old Dick Montgomery just can't wrap his peabrain around the idea that three spoiled white boys would go around burning churches. Assuming criminality based on race is the product of similar ignorance, multiplied by one hundred.

The best part of the story is that the punks got caught because the doctor's son had special tires on the 4Runner registered in mommy's name.

Oh, and the little punks are Junior Dick Cheneys too: "[DeBusk] said the three had been out shooting deer in Mr. Cloyd's S.U.V. prior to the fires." They are the NRA!

Another Republican lightweight who can't take the heat:

State Assemblyman Peter J. Biondi, a Republican from Somerset County, recently introduced legislation that would require any "public forum Web site" to solicit the legal name and addresses of everyone who can post messages to it.

What irks Biondi, a top Republican in the state assembly, is the political free-for-all that has grown around the New Jersey Star-Ledger's discussion site at NJ.com. The site's forum for Somerset County -- that is, Biondi's home district -- is home to a slew of pseudonymous posts that tend to be less than kind to local politicians.

When news reports revealed that Somerset County Sheriff Frank Provenzano appropriated more than $5,000 from a petty cash account to pay for his dry cleaning, the NJ.com posts were not flattering. One message from "nodoubletalk" called Provenzano a "thief, plain and simple," while one from "xyzzy" quipped: "That's what we get for voting Republican."

Just like a top Republican, attacking his constituents for speaking their minds.

Pest in Show

Congratulations to Tom DeLay for his last election victory ever.

The tiny toxic Texan blames the "politics of personal destruction" for his dismal showing. (He prefers the politics of personal corruption.)

More than 1 in 3 Republicans voted against the Bugchaser in the G.O.P. primary, a result that, according to the Bugchaser, reveals the "full faith" of the voters. But will the 38 percent of the Pukes who voted against DeLay do the right thing in the general election, or will they fall behind the impotent, indicted thug?

Democrat Nick Lampson, who leads the Bugchaser by eight in Houston Chronicle poll, says "I'm looking forward to that headline on November 8th: 'No Further DeLay.'"

Podwhoresit

John Podhoretz fluffing Lorne Michaels:

A new sitcom premiered tonight on ABC called "Sons and Daughters," and judging from the two episodes shown, it could end up being the best network comedy since "Seinfeld." Clever, screamingly funny, as merciless at moments as "Curb Your Enthusiasm" but surprisingly touching at other moments, "Sons and Daughters" is made in a most unusual way. As is the case with "Curb," the cast improvises the dialogue. But the show actually films for 14 hours and the directors then pick and choose the best lines and moments from dozens of improvs -- an inspired use of improvisation, which is brilliant at moments and agonizing at others. Eliminate the agony and you can have sheer joy. Very exciting stuff. Watch it.

I wonder why. (Actually, I don't.)

Daisy Chain

Today is the publication date of a book so important that it has forwards from both Newt Gingrich and Ed Meese. The reviews are unanimous:

"This remarkable book is one of the most important to be published in this or any other year." -- Newt Gingrich, from his Foreword

"A timely and timeless read. Getting America Right looks back to identify the core values, enshrined by the Founding Fathers, that set America on the path to greatness. And it looks forward, outlining how to get back on the freedom trail blazed by the Founders." -- Sean Hannity

"An eye-opening, at times shocking look at how far our government has moved away from the core values and principles that have guided us throughout most of our history." -- Edwin Meese III, former attorney general, from his Foreword

"This outstanding book provides a valuable compass for conservatives to confidently lead America forward. Adhering to principles and lessons from history, we the people of the United States can secure our freedom in a true land of opportunity for all." -- Senator George Allen

"A unique, insightful handbook on civil obligations good for the next fifty years." --William F. Buckley Jr.

"An acute and inspiring analysis of the means of achieving the right balance between government intervention and individual self-reliance. It reminds us that the greatest nations are those rooted in a moral core of belief, from which policy and action subsequently flow." -- Baroness Margaret Thatcher

"Ed Feulner is a visionary and great advocate for beseiged regimes founded on traditional values, and good value for money too. Ed personally assured me that no kikes were involved in the publishing of this book." -- Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad

And I'll bet at least one of them has read the book.

Wal-Mart: The Low Cost of Rightwing Blogwhores

Wal-Mart, fine purveyor of labor law violations, union busting and crap merchandise, doesn't pay any more than it has to for anything. Which is why it pays full value for rightwing bloggers: Nothing.

Brian Pickrell, a blogger, recently posted a note on his Web site attacking state legislation that would force Wal-Mart Stores to spend more on employee health insurance. "All across the country, newspaper editorial boards -- no great friends of business -- are ripping the bills," he wrote.

It was the kind of pro-Wal-Mart comment the giant retailer might write itself. And, in fact, it did.

Several sentences in Mr. Pickrell's Jan. 20 posting -- and others from different days -- are identical to those written by an employee at one of Wal-Mart's public relations firms and distributed by e-mail to bloggers.But some bloggers are also defensive about their contacts with Wal-Mart....

When they learned that The New York Times was looking at how they were using information from the retailer, several bloggers posted items challenging The Times's article before it had appeared. One blog, Iowa Voice, run by Mr. Pickrell, pleads for advertisers to buy space on the blog in anticipation of more traffic because of the article.

The genius behind this scheme brags about how he gets the conservawhores to post his items for free. And the article quotes Instacracker, who brags about how he turned down a visit to Wal-Mart HQ that he would have to pay for himself. Glenn's exclusive to the RNC, and very ethical.

Mister Ed, the ultimate show-biz insider cum call center stooge cum pretend pirate, looks to the future:

"When David Letterman bombed at the Oscars, he had a multimillion-dollar contract at CBS to cushion his fall. Will Jon Stewart survive this disaster? Should he survive it? To me, this just demonstrates how overrated Stewart is. Remind me again why the Academy had to settle for a cable-talk-show host, considering the talent supposedly represented by the AMPAS."

Yeah, too bad Stewart doesn't have one of those multimillion-dollar CBS contracts to cushion his fall. He'll be lucky to get a job in Mister Ed's Kings of Komedy Call Center.

(Boy, I thought it would be easier being funny. Larry McMurty doesn't look like I expected. Lar gives a shoutout to the book.)

Update: James speaks truth to filler: "Enough with the montages!"

"The press had better hope we win this war, because if we don't, a lot of people will blame the media."

(Via Washington Monthly; no link to the cracker.)

Blogging-The-Oscars-In-Real-Time

5.15 p.m. -- Not much happening so far.

Another Illusion Shattered

Thomas Kincade is a wild-and-crazy guy, allegedly:

In sworn testimony and interviews, they recount incidents in which an allegedly drunken Kinkade heckled illusionists Siegfried & Roy in Las Vegas, cursed a former employee's wife who came to his aid when he fell off a barstool, and palmed a startled woman's breasts at a signing party in South Bend, Ind.

And then there is Kinkade's proclivity for "ritual territory marking," as he called it, which allegedly manifested itself in the late 1990s outside the Disneyland Hotel in Anaheim.

"This one's for you, Walt," the artist quipped late one night as he urinated on a Winnie the Pooh figure, said Terry Sheppard, a former vice president for Kinkade's company, in an interview.

...

"I think it was Roy or Siegfried or whatever had a codpiece in his leotards," Dandois testified. "And so when the show started, Thom just started yelling, 'Codpiece, codpiece,' and had to be quieted by his mother and Nanette."