Pumpkinhead Pie

Veteran observers of the Meet the Press host confirm that Pumpkinhead Tim Russert's performance today is the closest he's been to achieving orgasm since the morning of Little Russ's conception. The bloated broadcaster reveled in the details of Bush's deception of the press concerning his trip to Baghdad. A slight moan escaped Russert's lips as Mike Allen recalled the confiscation of reporters' cell phones. Russert's eyes rolled back in his head as he crowed that Bush upstaged Senator Clinton's visit to American troops, and his well-hidden pelvis began thrusting uncontrollably as he compared Bush to Presidents Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt.

Later, Russert shared a cigarette with Doris Kearns Goodwin and David Broder.