Taft Punk

Every blogger and her sister has had fun at the expense of Peggy Nooners and her exclusive interview with Bob Taft's Wikipedia page.  I cannot improve on that ridicule, but I have discovered several transcription errors in Noonan's recapitulation of their Socratic exchange.  

Herewith, the record straight:  

Senator?

Oh, Christ. Not this loon. 

Go away, I'm dead. I have no powers of thought or speech.

Why did they call you "Mr. Republican"?

I was a powerful Republican Senator. You may have read about that on my Wikipedia page.

What is the purpose of a party?

To amass and wield political power. A political party is not a fucking car.

He feels more sympathy toward the tea party than the establishment. 

That's not a question. What kind of interview is this?

The establishment?

That's not even a complete sentence. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Of course I side with the establishment. My father was the fucking President. I was in politics my whole adult life. I supported big business over labor, and government activism in support of big business. I wasn't some Bible-humping halfwit like Sarah Palin or Rand Paul. I wouldn't let a bunch of amateurs and cranks tell me how to run the G.O.P.  And I wouldn't stoop to piss on Andrew Breitbart.

What should the establishment do?

You're not listening, Nooners. You're going to write some idiotic article where you claim to speak for me and characterize me as a Tea Partier, aren't you? You need to be institutionalized. 

How will a big merge happen?

I thought you had a kid years ago. I'm not a gynecologist, for Christ's sake.

See you in Hell.