The Sexorcist

So why isn't this criminal sexual assault?

Human Life International (HLI) revealed on February 2 that Father Thomas Euteneuer, who had been the organization's president since 2000, had stepped down in August 2010 after an investigation into reports of misconduct. The HLI statement came on the heels of another public statement, issued by Father Euteneuer himself, admitting to misconduct.

"The circumstances that led to my departure from HLI were related exclusively to my own decisions and conduct within the ministry of exorcism that I carried out independently from my responsibilities at HLI," Father Euteneuer said. In his personal statement, released January 31, he insisted that his "violations of chastity were limited to one person only, an adult woman." Denouncing internet rumors of further misconduct, Father Euteneuer insisted that he had not been implicated in any other misconduct.

The statement from HLI, released by the organization’s board, offered a somewhat different perspective. "Since the time of Rev. Euteneuer’s resignation, the Board subsequently learned of additional allegations in connection with his exorcism ministry," HLI revealed. The statement indicated that HLI had forwarded the appropriate information to Father Euteneuer’s bishop, and refrained from any further public comment in order to preserve the reputations of all those involved. [Yes, refraining from further public comment about allegations of other misconduct by El Presidente will preserve the reputations of all involved. Just ask BennyXVI! -- R.A.]

Upon leaving HLI, Father Euteneuer returned to the Diocese of Palm Beach, Florida, where he is incardinated. Bishop Gerald Barbarito of Palm Beach has revealed, in a memo to priests of the diocese: "Father Euteneuer has been undergoing intensive evaluation and counseling to address admitted inappropriate crossing of adult heterosexual boundaries on the occasion of carrying out his priestly ministry."

By definition, an exorcism involves a person who is possessed by demons, that is, a person unable to control his or her own body (or, in the real world, a person vulnerable enough to believe in such happy horeshit -- or unable to avoid its imposition upon him/her). If Father Euteneuer believed the adult woman was possessed, any sexual conduct toward her by him was intentional sexual assault. But his main concern appears to be that you know he's not a fag.

Note also the padre's weasel-worded defense:

The violations of chastity happened due to human weakness but did not involve the sexual act.

Is this dick attempting to say that he only had impure thoughts about "crossing adult heterosexual boundries" with an "adult woman"? Is he saying his assault didn't involve his genitals? If the padre won't even describe what he's done while he's trying to exculpate himself, his contrition doesn't mean shit. And neither do his attempts to play the victim.

National Review Online, which covered a 2007 pissing match between the padre and Sean Hannity in which Sean came out in favor of birth control, is so far silent about this hero of the pro-life movement. I'm guessing they'll say that the padre was another victim of demon possession and rightfully should be collecting workers' compensation benefits for his suffering.