The Case Against Rosen

Several federal court clerks, all of whom are Democrats and all of whom want President Obama to appoint a judicial star of the highest intellectual caliber, have separately confirmed to me that New Republic legal affairs editor Jeffrey Rosen was seen this morning wandering around without pants, throwing feces at passersby and shouting into his cell phone headset, "tell the Chief Justice that it's Jeff Rosen calling... Rosen! R-O-S-E-N!"

None of the clerks would comment on whether Rosen's exposed anus was "especially clean and tight."

I haven't researched whether these reports are consistent with Rosen's character, or true, nor have I spoken with anyone who hasn't seen Rosen flinging excrement. However, I'm certain that the anonymous witnesses were not motivated by sour grapes or ideological disagreement, so the reports must be true.