Sex Lives of The Republicans

One successful foray ended on the guest bed of a high school friend's parents, with a girl who resembled a chunkier Reese Witherspoon drunkenly masticating my neck and cheeks. It had taken some time to reach this point--"Do most Harvard guys take so long to get what they want?" she had asked, pushing her tongue into my mouth. I wasn't sure what to say, but then I wasn't sure this was what I wanted. My throat was dry from too much vodka, and her breasts, spilling out of pink pajamas, threatened my ability to [sic?]. I was supposed to be excited, but I was bored and somewhat disgusted with myself, with her, with the whole business... and then whatever residual enthusiasm I felt for the venture dissipated, with shocking speed, as she nibbled at my ear and whispered--"You know, I'm on the pill..."

Funny definition of successful you've got there, mystery Republican!

Note how fast the mystery Republican managed to mention he was a Harvard "man" to the hook-up he'd plied with booze in order get her interested. Also of interest is the mystery Republican's attempt to have sex at the house of his friend's parents, with a young woman who either (1) was already staying at the house or (2) brought along pajamas for a date, despite the fact they'd never discussed contraception before. Either way, super classy!

The unintended point of this story is that this putz couldn't enjoy any schlub who would have his little member.

Mystery Republican's identity revealed here.

p.s. -- according to another site, the young woman's breasts threatened mystery Republican's ability "to breathe." Shame they didn't finish the job.