Roger's Assignment Desk

The EMMESSEMMESSEMM has a lot of catching up to do, as regards stories they have conspired to conceal from the American public. So get off your asses, guys, and start reporting:

Assigned to The Wall Street Journal:

Bush, who said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has started boozing amid the Katrina catastrophe.

Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford, Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster....

A Washington source said: "The sad fact is that he has been sneaking drinks for weeks now. Laura may have only just caught him — but the word is his drinking has been going on for a while in the capital. He's been in a pressure cooker for months."

Assigned to the New York Post:

While highbrow newspapers such as The New York Times have concentrated on Condoleezza Rice's efforts to secure peace [sic], the tabloid National Enquirer chose to speculate on her sexuality.

In an article entitled "Who's Gay and Who's Not" the paper reports that it is "an open secret" that Ms Rice is a lesbian.

It quotes a blog report that she was out when she worked source at [sic] provost of Stanford University in California.

Assigned to the EIB Network:

The story of a Florida police investigation into Limbaugh's alleged history of purchasing a lot of pain killers, including OxyContin, Lorcet and hydrocodone, from a black market drug ring was first published in the National Enquirer. According to the Enquirer, Limbaugh's former housekeeper Wilma Cline helped deliver illegal pain killers to him for over four years.

Assigned to The Washington Times:

Inside the frightening world of fanatical "brainwashing" sect Moon sect

Or you could, you know, report on the Bush Adminstration's lies about WMD in Iraq, 9/11, illegal eavesdropping, torture, illegal political firings at the Justice Department and other topics that don't involve one-(right) handed typing.