What I Learned From The Republican Debate

Messicans have funny accents.

Waterboarding is a Constitutional right; the line item veto is not.

Now is not the time for gays to serve in the military; in fact, they should all go on recruiting missions to France to avoid military service.

CNN maintains its perfect record of asking Republicans the tough questions: what entitlement programs will they cut and whether they will pledge not to raise taxes.

Rudy was entitled to have the cops escort him when he went to the Hamptons, because of threats (such as "if you're going to the Hamptons to bang that tramp Judi, I swear I'll cut your dick off").

Bill Cosby's illegitimate children are the root source of crime.

It's up to the states to determine the jail sentences for those sluts who get abortions.

If elected, Ron Paul will raise $4.3 million from internet losers in 24 hours without spending a cent.

Duncan Hunter doesn't want any gays messing with his small tight unit.

Tom Tancredo wants to build a border fence on Mars.

Huckleberry Fred is on the phone right now, begging George Allen to forgive him for his tepid repudiation of the Confederate flag. (And the Florida Repuke crowd was strangely silent when Romney refused to "recognize" the old Klan Kloth.)

Bill Bennett balances out David Gergen.