Roger's Got Fill-Ins

Hi, I'm Anthony Cartouche, one of the five "talented and gifted bloggers" who are filling in for the mighty Roger Ailes while he takes his annual trip to Tijuana to visit his nieces and to buy a year's supply of cough syrup.

When I learned that Roger was looking for guest bloggers, I asked myself two questions: Can I even begin to post the kind of snark that earns praise from such elegant writers as James Wolcott and scorn from such bugshit insane hacks as Michelle Malkin? And can I parlay this opportunity into a chance to call attention to my new blog Yazoo Street Scandal? Having determined that the answers to these questions were "It seems highly unlikely" and "Yeah, why not," I decided to try to get the gig.

Roger said that we five had been thoroughly vetted. All I know about that is that fifteen seconds after PayPal confirmed that Roger received my voluntary donation to his cough syrup fund, he emailed me telling me that I'd been accepted as a fill-in. It was probably just a coincidence.

He told me I could write about anything I wanted, with a few minor exceptions:

• No teasing the people over at Protein Wisdom. They have enough problems over there already.


• No taking potshots at Sir Mix-A-Lot. This has something to do with their both being Phi Beta Kappa recipients. I got the impression Roger didn't want to talk about this one very much.


• No pictures of LOLCATS. Roger was quite adamant about this one. When I asked him if there was any chance he would reconsider, he emailed me five minutes later with the names and addresses of my children, the make, model, and color of the car I drove in high school, and the name of the shop where I buy my strudel. Point taken, Roger.

Seriously, I am grateful to Roger for the chance to post here for the next week or so, and I hope I can amuse at least some of you at least some of the time. Enjoy your vacation, Roger, and thanks for letting me play Jimmy Crespo to your Joe Perry. It means a lot to me.