Grand Old Police Blotter: Dealer Noe Deal Edition

How do you recognize a Bush Pioneer? His pasty white face clashes with his orange jumpsuit.

Yet another Bush Pioneer confesses to his crimes against the public:

TOLEDO, Ohio - A coin dealer and prominent GOP fundraiser at the center of an Ohio political scandal pleaded guilty Wednesday to federal charges he illegally funneled about $45,000 to President Bush's re-election campaign.

Tom Noe, once a powerful political figure who also raised money for Ohio Republicans, still is charged with embezzlement in an ill-fated $50 million coin investment that he managed for the state workers' compensation fund.

The investment scandal has been a major embarrassment for Ohio's ruling Republicans and given Democrats a better shot at winning state offices this year, including the governor's office, which has been under GOP control since 1991.

Investigators do not know whether Noe used money from the state coin fund for campaign contributions.

Uh, you might want to look into that when you get a sec. That is, unless (a) you don't want to know the answer or (b) you already know the answer.

Memorial

Here's the New York Times' article on Bush's Memorial Day speech at Arlington National Cemetery. I'm not going to comment on the speech, which I watched on C-SPAN.

Prior to the speech, when an announcer introduced Bush and Rummy (separately) over a public address system, what sounded like a large number of people whooped or whistled in addition to applauding.

The purpose of the ceremony is to remember and honor those who died serving the United States through military service. It took place in a cemetery. Immediately following the placement of a memorial wreath on a tomb.

What the fuck were these people thinking?

The "S" Is For Snuff

Currently on the MSN.com homepage:

Suggested Searches

Tropical forests

Maui's Fleming Beach

Videotaped killing

Dracula Castle

Record hammerhead

Barren Rhetoric

"Go hire ye a direct-marketing subcontractor to go unto all the world and preach the Gospel of sweatshop labour unto all creatures." (Ralph 16:15 (KJV))

Lisa Baron, a spokeswoman for Reed's campaign, said Millennium Marketing "was hired as a direct-mail subcontractor to assist in encouraging grass-roots citizens to promote the propagation of the gospel."

"As a defender of the unborn, Ralph was unaware of any allegations regarding inhumane or illegal treatment of workers, and he would strongly object to such practices, if true," she added.

But as long as Ralph kept himself in the dark about the prostitution and slavery, as a defender of the unborn, his conscience was clean.

Roger's Book Sac

Does the Doughy Pantload's ghost writer have writer's block? According to amazon.com, Jonah Goldberg's forthcoming tome, I Heart Hitler, is not due out until March 20, 2007. The cover art for the book, featuring a self-portrait by Goldberg's mother, was finished at least seven months ago.

How long can it take the Pantload's ghost to cut-and-paste 272 pages of crap from the internet? Even Former-Liberal-Looking-For-A-Book-Deal and UFO-ologist Keith Thompson's book, Snubbed At a Dinner Party, will be out by October.

May I instead recommend Michael Berube's book, which is coming out in September? A book written by someone's whose written more books than Goldberg has read - imagine that!

Texass

"One of the attractive things about the president is that he talks Texas," Mr. Bennett continued. "But what broke my heart is when he said, 'I need to be more sophisticated.' What is this, Kerry talk? Is he going to use 'elan' the next time he speaks?"

If anything breaks your heart, Bill, it's gonna be those five cheeseburgers you have for your post-breakfast snack.

Who says Father Fat Tim G.E. Pumpkinhead Russert isn't fair? He's balancing last week's "exclusive" inter-Republican debate on immigration with another "exclusive" inter-Republican debate on immigration.

Sunday, May 28
Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-NE, & House Judiciary Committee Chairman Rep. James Sensenbrenner, R-WI, on Immigration. Then a roundtable with David Broder, David Ignatius, Kate O'Beirne, Eugene Robinson.

Can't say fairer than that!

Senator Kerry Fights Back

Against the Swift Boat Liars:

"They lied and lied and lied about everything," Mr. Kerry says in an interview in his Senate office. "How many lies do you get to tell before someone calls you a liar? How many times can you be exposed in America today?"

Sorry, John, but like the "war" against terror, you're engaged in a war without end. And you're right, you should have fought these scumbags harder in 2004.

Update: A rhetorical question. How many of those invoking
the presumption of innocence with respect to the November 2005 events in Haditha -- which allegedly involved the shooting of girls aged 1, 3 and 5, among others -- are the same douchebags who feigned outrage in response to the bullshit claim that Senator Kerry shot a fleeing, half-naked Vietnamese teenage boy in the back?

An Atrocity

Representative John Kline, a Minnesota Republican who is a retired Marine colonel, said that the allegations indicated that "this was not an accident. This was direct fire by marines at civilians." He added, "This was not an immediate response to an attack. This would be an atrocity."

Kind of like dropping thousands of bombs among civilians, but less telegenic.

Media Stories Howard Kurtz Can't Be Bothered With, Part The First

Whaddya waitin' for, Howie, a call from Karl Rove's publicist?

The Spew From Sully's Window

You can tell a lot about an idiot from the witlessness of his blog posts. Today, Sully quotes the following Q & A (from Crazy Davy's e-rag) with free market blow-up doll John Stossel:

Q: That puts you at odds with both liberals and conservatives. Which side hates you or dislikes you more -- liberals or conservatives? You are in favor of legalizing drugs, you're not against abortion -- things like that would annoy conservatives. But you're also in favor of free-market solutions to just about everything, from schools to buses.

STOSSEL: I think homosexuality is all right. And yet the conservatives will pay me a $40,000 speaking fee -- which goes to charity, by the way -- and invite me to their events and have me on their shows. But the liberals will have nothing to do with me.

Sully then pipes up:

You can tell a lot about a movement by whether it is mainly interested in finding converts or heretics. Neither side is blameless in this; but the lefties would be more convincing in their appeals for tolerance if they engaged in more of it themselves.

Gee, Sully, did you ever consider that "lefties" might take Stossel's self-promotion more seriously if he applied his purported myth-busting skills to, say, debunking Bill Bennett's statistical lies about the life expectancy of gay men, or bogus claims linking abortion to breast cancer (or about the risks of RU-486), or the Office of Drug Control Policy's scare tactics regarding marijuana? Somehow The Stosser and 20/20 never find the time to bust such fascist fairy tales.

As for the relative merits of the liberal and conservative "movements," I'd say you can tell a lot more about a movement by whether it's stupid enough to pay $40,000 to hear a speech by a journalistic fraud.

Tone Def

The New York Times has published National Review's list of Top 50 Right-Wing Rock Songs. Since the list will disappear behind the Times' pay wall in a day or two, I'll reproduce it here, without John J. Miller's insipid commentary (which can be summarized as: only economic libertarians and social fascists are conservatives):

1. "Won't Get Fooled Again," by The Who
2. "Taxman," by The Beatles
3. "Sympathy for the Devil," by The Rolling Stones
4. "Sweet Home Alabama," by Lynyrd Skynyrd
5. "Wouldn't It Be Nice," by The Beach Boys
6. "Gloria," by U2
7. "Revolution," by The Beatles
8. "Bodies," by The Sex Pistols
9. "Don't Tread on Me," by Metallica
10. "20th Century Man," by The Kinks
11. "The Trees," by Rush
12. "Neighborhood Bully," by Bob Dylan
13. "My City Was Gone," by The Pretenders
14. "Right Here, Right Now," by Jesus Jones
15. "I Fought the Law," by The Crickets
16. "Get Over It," by The Eagles
17. "Stay Together for the Kids," by Blink 182
18. "Cult of Personality," by Living Colour
19. "Kicks," by Paul Revere and the Raiders
20. "Rock the Casbah," by The Clash
21. "Heroes," by David Bowie
22. "Red Barchetta," by Rush
23. "Brick," by Ben Folds Five
24. "Der Kommissar," by After the Fire
26. "Capitalism," by Oingo Boingo
27. "Obvious Song," by Joe Jackson
28. "Janie's Got a Gun," by Aerosmith
29. "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," by Iron Maiden
30. "You Can't Be Too Strong," by Graham Parker
32. "Keep Your Hands to Yourself," by The Georgia Satellites
33. "You Can't Always Get What You Want," by The Rolling Stones
34. "Godzilla," by Blue Oyster Cult
35. "Who'll Stop the Rain," by Creedence Clearwater Revival
36. "Government Cheese," by The Rainmakers
37. "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," by The Band
38. "I Can't Drive 55," by Sammy Hagar
39. "Property Line," by The Marshall Tucker Band
40. "Wake Up Little Susie," by The Everly Brothers
41. "The Icicle Melts," by The Cranberries
42. "Everybody's a Victim," by The Proclaimers
43. "Wonderful," by Everclear
44. "Two Sisters," by The Kinks
45. "Taxman, Mr. Thief," by Cheap Trick
46. "Wind of Change," by The Scorpions
47. "One," by Creed*
48. "Why Don't You Get a Job," by The Offspring
49. "Abortion," by Kid Rock*
50. "Stand By Your Man," by Tammy Wynette (or Motorhead)

John Derbyshire's top choices, "Fiddle About" and "Aqualung," placed at 51 and 52.

Votes for "Idiot Son of An Asshole" were not counted out of consideration for Jonah Goldberg, John Podhoretz and Chris Buckley.

Update (5/26): The Rude Pundit digs deeper.

* I hear Miller has a complete collection of Scott Stapp and Kid Rock's videos too.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Oh, Kenny Boy Edition

(To be sung in a heavily slurred "they've stolen me Lucky Charms" accent, or by Frank McCourt)

Oh Kenny Boy, the jury foreman's calling
Bush Pioneer, on trial and out on bail
The verdict's in; it says that you were lying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and rot in jail

Six counts of fraud, six guilty verdicts
Your credibility less than Tony Snow's
Be sure to make new friends in the slammer
Oh Kenny Boy, convict, ex-CEO

And Bush will swear he doesn't know you
Those hundred thousands will not set you free
Your face time with Cheney all forgotten
'Cause Dick needs his own immunity

Your victims remain uncompensated
Your sentence will a hollow victory be
But forty years locked up with Jeffrey Skilling
Sounds a lot like life in hell to me

Dick Under Oath

The Associated Press is reporting that the prosecution intends to call Dicky Ticker Cheney as a witness in I. Lewis Libby perjury trial.

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney could be called to testify in the perjury case against his former chief of staff, a special prosecutor said in a court filing Wednesday.

Special Counsel Patrick Fitzgerald suggested Cheney would be a logical government witness because he could authenticate notes he jotted on a July 6, 2003, New York Times opinion piece by a former U.S. ambassador critical of the Iraq war.

Fitzgerald said Cheney's "state of mind" is "directly relevant" to whether I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice president's former top aide, lied to FBI agents and a federal grand jury about how he learned about CIA officer Valerie Plame's identity and what he subsequently told reporters.

I'd bet Dead Hand Dick can do a lot more than authenticate his own handwriting.

In a filing last week, Libby's lawyers said Fitzgerald would not call Cheney as a witness and would have a hard time getting the vice president's notes admitted into evidence.

I assume it would be fairly easy to get Dirty Dick's jottings into evidence without hauling his sour puss into court, but he'd be needed to supply other information, such as when the notes were made or (if disputed) what they meant. I'm guessing that the prosecution had planned to call Dick long before Libby's lawyers taunted the prosecution. I'd also guess the defense wants Dick to testify, mainly regarding matters of no relevance to the perjury charge. And I'm certain the witness stand is the last place that Dick wants to be.

For all those you blessed without a subscription to Times Select, here's what you failed to learn from today's columns:

John Tierney: Al Gore was right about global warning, but there wasn't any reason to believe him when he said it. And Gore's movie is neither inconvenient nor true because it doesn't promote nuclear power, and because Gore's still an unlikeable poindexter.

Nicholas Kristof: One or more of the 3,800 entrants to the Win A Trip With Nick Kristof contest sent Nick nude photos. Not that Kristof is encouraging that; he's just sayin'. The winner is a 23 year-old Mississippi woman in j-school, who comes from a disadvantaged background. Her winning essay says of her childhood, "I never saw France or London." And, God willing, she'll never see Kristof's underpants either.

The 3,799 runners-up get nothing but Pistof's exhortation to "fly to Bangkok" on their own dime. Pistof thinks every American college should require its students to study abroad, and that leprechauns should foot the bill. Also, young Americans should travel in impoverished Asian and South American countries, which, while dangerous, have $5 "hotels" and "in rural areas, people may invite you to stay free in their huts." (I hear that in some rural areas of Colombia, the natives even greet you in their fields, smile and pass along a sample of their yield.)

Not Now, Howie

Howie Kurtz, Time Lord, seeks to cover his own shoddy reporting by manipulating the timeline:

"Wrong About Rove?

"By Howard Kurtz
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, May 23, 2006; 7:54 AM

"I reported yesterday (and if you missed it, start paying attention!) that the liberal Web site Truthout.org was standing by its claim that Karl Rove had been secretly indicted in the CIA leak case, despite strong denials by the White House aide's lawyer and spokesman.

"Why the Rove team would lie about information that, if true, was certain to come out soon was never quite clear. More than three dozen mainstream journalists checked on the Truthout report but could not confirm a word of it.

"Now Truthout has backed off, at least partially, from the story by reporter Jason Leopold, who has had some credibility problems in the past (as he acknowledges in a new book) but has also worked for such news outlets as the L.A. Times and Dow Jones.

"Marc Ash , the site's founder, writes: ...." (Emphasis added; link in original)

When Howie says "now," what he means to say is "four days ago" or, perhaps, "three days before my original story was published." No matter how you spin it, How, May 19 is not May 23.

And the last thing you should want is readers who pay attention to what you write.

Loon Letters In The Sand

On yesterday's Your World with Neil Cavuto, The Eldery Git in the White Buck Shoes revealed that the terrorists' WMD of choice isn't suitcase nukes, it's the new Dixie Chicks CD:

Boone, who is also a columnist for WorldNetDaily, says what seemed like a momentary misstep by Maines now begins to look like a flaw in her character.

"If I were the president of Iran, if I were Osama bin Laden or any of the terrorist organizers and I could have my wish list totally," Boone said, "I couldn't ask for anything better than for America's entertainers to bash their president, denigrate him, make him seem like an idiot and a self-serving fool, and then have the media go along with it and promote it like crazy and try to undermine the whole war effort."

He continued, "We are at war, and you don't tell even a quarterback in a football game that he's nuts and you don't respect him. You try to pull for a win, and that's what we should be trying to do. ... You can disagree. You can express your disagreement, but don't attack the man who is your elected leader and say he's not owed any respect at all."

Charlie Daniels couldn't have said it more incoherently.

Don't Believe The Hype

Tim Russert is peddling a new book, Widsom of Our Fathers. The p.r. spin is that Russert's previous book, Big Russ and Me, resulted in an immediate, spontaneous outpouring of letters and e-mail messages from people who were touched by Russert's blather:

The book sold over a half-million copies. Fans waited hours at signings. But it was the 60,000 people who sent letters and emails that opened Russert's eyes.

"People saw the book as an invitation to talk about their dad," he said. "They would say to me, 'You know, it was great learning about Big Russ. He's your guy. Let me tell you about Big Mike. Let me tell you about Big Irv. Let me tell you about Big Marty.' And they all had a story."

So Russert decided to publish the best stories in a second book: "Wisdom of Our Fathers -- Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons."

As Pumpkinhead himself tells it,

I didn't think I would write another book. But when I read the letters I received from readers, I realized I had no choice.

I received close to sixty thousand letters and e-emails, and I read them all.

Don't believe the hype. Here's what Tiny Tim said fourteen months ago:

Dear Reader,

Two years ago, I wrote a book about my father: Big Russ and Me: Father and Son, Lessons of Life. I have now decided to put together a new book in which a wide variety of sons and daughters will have a chance to write about their fathers. I would like to invite you to be part of this exciting new project, and to spread the word among your friends.

What am I looking for? Stories, lessons, advice or even a favorite saying that made your father special. Feel free to send me a vivid memory, a funny anecdote, or the story of your father's special accomplishment. Maybe he taught you an important lesson -- either with words or by example -- about work, love, kindness, friendship, integrity, faith, or anything else. You could also send me a letter of appreciation that you sent to your father, or a letter you wish you had written. It can even be a eulogy -- or anything else that seems appropriate. What I really care about is that you wrote it.

....I'm not looking for professional writing, but for stories and lessons that useful [sic], original, moving, inspiring, or just plain funny.

...

It would be easiest if you sent me an e-mail letter at MyDad@BigRussandMe.com in the form of a double-spaced Word document that comes as an attachment, but if you'd rather mail it the old-fashioned way, that's fine, too.

There will be no payment if your letter is used. Instead, I will be making a contribution to The Boys and Girls Club in the name of all the contributors. If I am able to use your letter, I will also be sending you an autographed copy of the book, which is scheduled for Father's Day, 2006....

Many thanks,

Tim Russert

So the outpouring was a wee bit less spontaneous than Tiny Tim would like you to think. At the time Tim already had his book planned (down to the publication date), he didn't have enough spontaneous correspondence to fill a slender volume.

Let's put another quote up on the screen:

I had expected that my book would appeal to readers in my home town of Buffalo, New York, but I didn't know whether the story of a young man coming of age in a blue-collar Irish-Catholic neighborhood, whose father was a truck driver and a sanitation man, would strike a cord [sic] with a wider audience. As soon as I discovered there were many Big Russes out there -- good, industrious, and patriotic men who has [sic] a lot in common with my dad, even if they didn't share his religion or his heritage. [sic] By writing a book about my father, I was affirming not only his life, but the lives of many other fathers as well.

I realized early on that the book was resonating far beyond what I had anticipated. Without intending to, I had given many readers an opportunity -- an invitation, really, to talk about their fathers. They had listened to my story, and now I was listening to theirs.

Didn't know? Unanticipated? Unintended invitation?!?

But didn't you tell Howie the Putz:

And that is essential to understanding why I ask what I ask and why I do what I do, and that this guy called Big Russ has been central to my life and that there are a lot of Big Russes in the country. And I think we're going to find out a whole lot more about that after this book comes out [this month].

Who knew America was full of people who think their fathers are good, industrious and patriotic men? Not Tim!

Faux ignorance is not your strong suit, Timmy.

Nor is writing.

I don't usually ask for research assistance from readers, but if someone could send me a copy of Pumpkinhead's book contracts in the form of a double-spaced Word document that comes as an attachment....

Excuse Them While They Piss Their Pants

From SodBusters:

Is Google Purging Conservative News Sites?

Posted by Noel Sheppard on May 22, 2006 - 09:37.

Something frighteningly ominous has been happening on the Internet lately: Google, without any prior explanation or notice, has been terminating its News relationship with conservative e-zines and web journals.

Not exactly Saw 2 as horror stories go. Next to this bit of tedious whinging is a depiction of the Google News logo with a menstrual red slash through it and the word "CENSORED" underneath in red letters.

The post goes on to assert that a bunch of rightwing sites whose ratio of half-witted bile to news is 10,000:1 have been determined by Google to be hate sites, and thus are no longer linked to by Google News. The Bad Sheppard ends with this soggy spot of chinless whimpering:

Moreover, to new media providers like e-zines and web journals, referrals from Google News can comprise 20 percent or more of their unique reads in a given day, which is the bread and butter for determining current and future ad revenue.

With that in mind, how much power does a company that disseminates almost half of the country's word search results command over the opinions of our growing population, and what protections exist against abuses of such overreaching power?

How does such a company put itself in the position of grand arbiter over what is and what is not "hate speech," or content otherwise objectionable?

Oh, that last one is a real stumper!

Now here's the punchline:

Noel Sheppard is an economist, business owner, and a featured writer at the prestigious American Thinker. He is also a contributing writer to the Free Market Project and a contributing editor for NewsBusters. He welcomes your feedback at nsheppard@costlogic.com.

Stop it, Noel, you're killing me.

Pumpkinhead For The Prosecution

This article suggests that Tim Russert will be a key prosecution witness in the Government's case against Scooter Libby.

"I was very clear to say reporters are telling us that because in my mind I still didn't know it as a fact. I thought I was -- all I had was this information was coming in from reporters," Libby told the grand jury, according to the indictment.

The indictment said Russert never disclosed anything about Plame in his conversation with Libby. Instead, prosecutors say, Libby learned about Plame's CIA employment in June 2003 from Cheney, Undersecretary of State Marc Grossman and at least one senior CIA official, according to court papers.

At last week's court argument on pretrial motions, Fitzgerald said Libby had a "motive to lie" to the grand jury. By "attributing to a reporter" his information about Plame's CIA status and emphasizing that he was "passing on" scuttlebutt but "didn't know if it were true," the prosecutor said, Libby in his testimony was deliberately casting his actions as "a non-crime" in a way that "looks much more innocent than passing on what you know to be classified."

It would be most amusing if the White House's go-to-guy for the Sunday shows rolled over on Libby.

Ass of Base

In the Washington Post, Dick Vig says that conservatives were responsible for electing every President in the last 50-plus years, and that every Republican president/presidential candidate who lost in that period lost because he wasn't wingnutty enough:

In 1948, conservatives were unhappy with Thomas E. Dewey's liberal Republican "me too" campaign, and enough of them stayed home to give the election to Harry S. Truman. In 1960, conservatives were unhappy with Richard M. Nixon's negotiations with Nelson A. Rockefeller to divide the spoils of victory before victory was even achieved, and John F. Kennedy won.

...

In 1974, conservatives were unhappy with the corruption and Big Government policies of Nixon's White House and with President Gerald R. Ford's selection of Rockefeller as his vice president, and this led to major Republican losses in the congressional races that year. By 1976, conservatives were fed up with Ford's adoption of Rockefeller's agenda, and Jimmy Carter was elected with the backing of Christian conservatives.

In 1992, conservatives were so unhappy with President George H.W. Bush's open disdain for them that they staged an open rebellion, first with the candidacy of Patrick J. Buchanan and then with Ross Perot. The result was an incumbent president receiving a paltry 37 percent of the vote. In 1998, conservatives were demoralized by congressional Republicans' wild spending and their backing away from conservative ideas. The result was an unexpected loss of seats in the House and the resignation of Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.).

You're losing your touch, Dick. You forgot how Barry Goldwater sold out true Republican priniciples, and don't have the balls to mention that true conservative hero, George Wallace.

Oxymoron

"parching draughts"

Could someone get the Final Arbiter Of The Funny a dictionary?

Update (5/21): Link fixed.

What Took You So Long, America?

The Naked and The Dead

Reality Check

Both the New York Times and the Washington Post today have articles about the number of Republican seats in play. Various folks in the newsletter industry are talking about 36 to 42 seats, with the Dems needing only a 15-seat gain to win back the House of Representatives. The best news is that Dick Pombo (R-CA) shows up on the endangered species list in both papers.

But: Stuart Rothenberg, who claims there are 42 Puke seats in play, is currently predicting a Democratic gain of only 8 to 12 seats. That result would weaken Bush more, but keeps the Republicans in control of the House. If the Democrats want to win Congress, they and their supporters have a lot of work to do. November is six months away. And, as recent history informs us, there's very little the Republicans won't do to gain or keep power.

(Yes, it is embarrassing that I know this.)

Hey, is this a conflict of interest? Moonlighting?

"Mischa Barton's 'O.C.' Character Killed

"By SANDY COHEN
The Associated Press
Thursday, May 18, 2006; 10:47 PM

"LOS ANGELES -- Fox's 'The O.C.' closed its third season Thursday with a deadly twist. Marissa Cooper, played by Mischa Barton, was killed in a car crash."

But, seriously. Recaps of television programs are now considered newsworthy? What's up with that?

Frum or From?

Which abject Bush apologist said the following:

"A very simple thing happened that changed [name of political party] politics dramatically, and that was that the war turned bad," Mr. Fr[_]m said, adding of the [politican's] critics: "There's a group in our party that makes a lot of noise and I don't think they've ever won an election. They're trying to take out one of the great statesmen our party has and that's wrong."

There's Always Room For More

A welcome to the blogosphere to one of our very favorite commenters*, olvlzl. You'll have to tell us how to pronounce that, ol.

And a belated welcome to Tom Hilton, whose view of the world is not entirely dissimilar from Roger's. Literally.

* Our other favorite is, of course, you, dear reader.

The Passion of The Derbs

Pandagon has the dirt on Old Derby Bastard. My favorite bit is Derbs' attempt to justify his proclivity for 15 year-old flesh by examining the proclivities of those leading indicators of rational male thought, namely, rapists.

Seriously. Derbs believes that "the reality of human nature" is revealed in the ages of self-reporting victims of sexual sadists. (Apparently the possibility that rapists prefer to victimize minors because they are physically and emotionally weaker never crossed Derbs' deviant mind.)

If rapists like 'em young, that's good enough for Derbs.

The Death of Irony, Part II

In her live-blogging-the-Bush-immigration-speech post (which was up at least 6 hours before the speech) yesterday, La Shawn Barber linked with approval to Steve Sailer.

Talk about selling someone the rope with which he will hang you.

Sorry, no link to either idiot.

We're All Haters Now

Will Bush hatred lose its lustre now that even the slowest among us -- no, even slower -- have taken up the noble pursuit?

Of course not.

Ooops...

I mean "fuck Bush!"

These johnny-come-latelys will just have to wait in line behind those of us who played by the rules and opposed breaking the law.

A Programming Suggestion

When the Wade/Foggo/Goss scandal breaks wide open, a smart cable news exec will hire Gabe Kaplan as its Senior Poker Analyst.

Snowblower

How does Tony Snow keep his lying mug off of C-SPAN? He eliminates the cameras.

In Howie the Putz's second, aptly-titled Snowblower in three weeks, Snow floats a trial ballon:

Some print reporters want the cameras out, saying the briefings have degenerated into high-decibel theater in the decade since the Clinton White House turned the sessions into a television show. But the networks like the ready availability of sound bites and many people have grown accustomed to watching the briefings on cable or, more recently, on the Internet.

"I'm agnostic on it," Snow says. He will discuss the issue with White House correspondents, and "if it's better with the cameras off, we'll probably do it. My guess is that you're not going to eliminate them entirely."

And the Putz doesn't disappoint: The Clinton Administration's decision to make press briefings more accessible to the public becomes "turn[ing] the sessions into a television show." Funny, my television doesn't get the Clinton Channel.

Heads Up

I've posted a review of the Sunday head shows over at firedoglake. Not an auspicious start; I've got to work out a lot of the kinks. 2 out of 10.

Thanks again to Jane for the venue.

A Serious Post

A year ago, I had a bit of fun at the expense of Dick Dasen Snr., a wealthy Montana businessman who spent millions to have sex with various poor/drug addicted women in Kalispell, MT. over a period of years. In 2003, Mr. Dasen's activities intersected with a murder when his DNA was found on a bedspread at a local Motel 6 where a 26-year-old woman, Darlene Wilcock, was found strangled. By all reports that I've seen, including this one, local law enforcement says that Dasen had nothing to do with the murder; he had just been a former occupant of the room where Ms. Wilcock was killed. (However, it was alleged that Dasen referenced Ms. Wilcock's death as a means to intimidate his own victims.)

It's been more than three years since Darlene Wilcock was murdered, and her killer or killers have not been found. There's some suggestion that police identified a suspect, but have don't have enough information for an arrest.

Ms. Wilcock's aunts have created a webpage at which they've posted a request for e-mails or other assistance from anyone who might know anything about the murder:

The family has put up fliers as they work to solve the murder. They've also written letters to "America's Most Wanted" about Darlene's case. But so far no interest has been shown from the show. There's also been little interest from the public on the Web site the family set up for Darlene in her memory and hoping that someone would read it and leave a tip on it. "Don't be afraid. IF IT HAS TO BE ANONYMOUS, it can be. Just anything, if you know something and aren't saying , just say it," said Darlene's mom, Marla Friske.

Now police are still taking tips on this case. If you have any information, call the Kalispell Police Department or go to NBCMontana.com news and click on the Wilcock Murder Fast Link. That will connect you with the family's website and you can leave a message there.

(Note: The NBC link is gone.)

Given this site's small readership, it seems doubtful anyone reading this will have any information. I'm posting this because I can't imagine the pain caused by the unresolved loss of a beloved family member. I hope that Ms. Wilcock's family will find answers to their questions and whatever justice is possible in an unjust world.

The Death of Irony

As National Taxpayers Union President Dr. John E. Berthoud told The Examiner, "You can't tax like Reagan while spending like Dean."

And the editorial's entitled "Conservatives Won't Be Fooled Again."

The Doctor Is An Idiot

This morning, I found myself in the uncomfortable position of partially agreeing with a Charles Quackhammer column. Like the bad doctor, I am not opposed to the death penalty in all cases (such as in the McVeigh and Eichmann cases cited by Dr. Q). I agree Moussaui should not be executed because he had nothing to do with 9/11. (Although, no, I don't want to live in the universe, with or without capital punishment, where Krauthammer's "moral order" is acheieved.)

But then Quacky redeems himself by concluding with this mentally disturbed remark:

Civilian court -- with civilian procedures, civilian juries and civilian sensibilities -- is not the place for those who make war upon us.

Of course, if we determine whether someone is making war on us before assigning him or her to a court, then we've reached a verdict before (or by) selecting the court. How exactly would this work? Would McVeigh, who brought down a federal building (and who many nuts believe had some connection to terrorists) get a military trial? Would Hinckley, who shot a president, get one because his crime might be a terrorist act? Does Krauthammer have a more sophisticated test for venue selection than standing the accused next to a paint chart? Maybe we waterboard the defendant and if he survives we give him a military trial.

And, no, Quackhammer, you don't have to worry about a twinkie defense for Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. Thanks to your pals in the Bush Administration, his life has been spared.

Bugsly Bugs Out

Perhaps they di'n't teach Lee "Bugsly" Siegel fact-checking at Dissent, The Nation and Radical History Review. Or maybe The New Republic has rehired Ruth Shalit under an assumed name.

Here's some "honest, non-fiction, fact-filled, truth-telling" from Bugs himself:

Another year, Don Imus was so insulting to Clinton that--this was before C-SPAN started broadcasting the dinners--the Clinton administration had to ask that the transcript not be released to the press.

Excuse me:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The head of a journalists' association has apologized to President and Mrs. Clinton for off-color remarks made about them at a "roasting" but rejected their request that a tape of the dinner not be shown on C-SPAN.

President Clinton and Hillary Rodham Clinton were guests of honor Thursday's at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association annual banquet. At the dinner, radio talk show host Don Imus made remarks about the first couple that the White House deemed tasteless.

Among other things, Imus called Clinton a "pot smoking weasel," joked about his alleged extramarital affairs and tweaked Mrs. Clinton about her financial troubles.

White House Press Secretary Mike McCurry, who also sat at the head table with the Clintons, said, "a large part of the entertainment, if that's what you call it ... was fairly tasteless." McCurry told C-SPAN that Imus's remarks were "beyond the pale" and asked the network to cancel plans to rebroadcast the dinner program Saturday.

Terry Murphy, chairman of the Radio and Television Correspondents Association and vice president of C-SPAN, sent Clinton a letter saying, "We regret putting you and the first lady in a position of having to endure embarrassment."

C-SPAN, however, declined to change plans to replay the program Saturday at 9 p.m. and midnight.

The cable network issues a statement Friday which said: "C-SPAN stands by its long-announced schedule to re-air the dinner on Saturday night, so that the general public can see what this fuss is all about."

Dumbass.

Oh, and Bugsy, I don't want your job or any "MSM" job. I hear TNR pay sucks (and I won't take blow in lieu of cash), and Bitter Has-Been doesn't add that much to a resume.

p.s. to Bugsly -- Imus appeared at a Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinner, not a White House Correspondents' Dinner.

You could look it up.

Thrive? Not so much.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Noe Pioneers! Edition

The Abramoff and Scanlon plea deals may be having an instructive effect -- inspiring other Republicans to finger their copartisans in exchange for less prison time. Bush Pioneer Tom Noe is willing to make a deal in order to see less time behind jail door No. 2:

Indicted coin dealer Thomas W. Noe wants to change his not-guilty pleas to federal campaign-finance charges to resolve the case, according to a court filing yesterday.

A Noe attorney and a federal prosecutor filed a joint request for a hearing "as soon as possible" to change Noe's plea to three charges that he illegally funneled $45,400 to President Bush's re-election campaign.

U.S. Attorney Greg White in Cleveland declined to comment, and Noe's attorneys could not be reached last night. But the filing suggests that Noe has agreed to accept responsibility and possibly cooperate in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Of course, Noe's guilt is so certain that prosecutors shouldn't consider a deal unless Noe starts giving up national and state Republicans who aren't even currently on their radar. If a deal is offered, sentencing should be deferred until the case against the last Republican is ironclad. You can't trust these remorseless bastards.

Remedial Writing

One thing overlooked about Howie Kurtz is his poor writing. His columns often are ungrammatical and unnecessarily wordy. They read as if he's dictating them (in his annoying sing-song voice) rather than typing them.

Today, HTP writes:

I will confess that the worst part about some attacking e-mails is not the "you are an idiot" genre, but the ones that assume you have an agenda, a sack full of ulterior motives and you're in bed with fill-in-the-blank.

With the help of an editor, we would get:

The worst attack e-mails are not those in the "you are an idiot" genre, but those that identify my agenda and mention Sheri Annis.

Another Cheney Hater

Will the civility-obsessed in the press corps and blogosphere set down their teacups, disengage their pinkies, and leap to their keyboards to cluck their disapproval of vulgarian fraud, Mary Cheney?

I look forward to their corrective epistles with all the sincere anticipation I can fake.

And a big "go fuck yourself" to America Online. I almost wish I was a subscriber so I could cancel my subscription.

Corner O' Crap

James Wolcott puts the ant-like intellects of NRO's Corner under the magnifying glass and waits for the clouds to part. Here's a couple of my favorites which didn't make the Wolcott cut. (No links, they were both posted today)

First, here's the Boy of Dough on the Man of Steel:

Superman! [Jonah Goldberg]

From a reader:

Please explain to me why brian singer must ruin every major comic book movie adaption, what x-men wasn't enough? Superman comes back and Lois Lane has another man's baby?!?!?! Have you seen the latest trailer ? Its like he is trying to piss off the core group of every comic book's fan base. I predict a flop (or rather a not particular notable success-$100M), its typically the core fans and families that make a movie a blockbuster, people whose kids demand to see it several times or the hard-core fans who see several times, well unless this is superman's kid and its handled very well, this movie is dead before it arrives. I saw the trailer and instead of cool special effects making me go I must see this, I could get beyond how f-ing annoyed I was with lois lan has another man's kid part.

Me: Personally, I think the trailer looks pretty good, and I'm more forgiving of the deviations from orthodoxy in the X-Men movies. The potentional for controversy over Lois's single mom status, however, could be interesting in that Lois Lane was once iconic as the American career woman. It might be an intriguing bit of social commentary that they made her unable or unwilling to keep the father around. As for whether it was smart commercially or advisable "artistically" who knows? I'm still going to see it.

Clearly Jonah's the go-to guy whenever a female comic book character steps out of line and displays some sexual autonomy. But I'm surprised there was no follow up by Kate O'Beirne condemning Lois Lane as an America-destroying slut.

Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh Drag King K-Lo plugs some sort of anti-choice fun fair to be held in darkest Manhattan:

Party for Life [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Congrats to the good people at the Midtown Pregnancy Support Center, who are celebrating their ten-year anniversary this Saturday night in Manhattan. Tickets aren't cheap but support important work and it promises to be a fun night -- good food, company, and music. Consider if you can and are so inclined. Invite can be seen here, tickets can be ordered here.

Full disclosure: They're also "honoring" yours truly there -- which I'd shy away from if I didn't consider it a mandate to spend Saturday night plugging you know what.

No, not that. Pornmumu's book.

That's the another thing about the Cornerdomites. They're always either plugging something, begging for something or blabbing about how someone sent them something. You could spend all day on Mission Street, in front of an actual mission, and not run across as many aggressive panhandlers (or such unpleasant ones). There's no other blog, right, left or center, where the participants so tirelessly yammer about crap they're trying to sell you.

Shame

That's the only possible explanation for NBC's failure to post today's Meet the Press transcript.

And you thought James Guckert was unconvincing as a straight man.

Nevertheless, Pumpkinhead's marching orders were received and executed to the letter.

Update (5/9): I agree with the Good Kaus about Rep. Pelosi's performance. If you're going to appear with Pumpkinhead, you need to know his bag of tricks and prepare accordingly. (Which is not to say I could do better, but I'm not trying to become Speaker of the House.) Second Update: And with the Good Somerby too.

Roger Recommends

The Dead End Kommandos

America's Back 40

The outdoors (available wherever doors open)

Shorter Caitlin Flanagan

"When they pistol-whipped Elizabeth Edwards on the floor of the 2004 Convention, that was the last straw for me."

(stolen from my comment at Eschaton; gotta go... time for wound care for my stigmata)

An American Tragedy

Can Xtreme Viagra be far behind?

Mourning Wood

In support of Michelle Malkin's latest crusade to rehabilitate the Confederacy, I suggest we circulate a petition in Malkin's honor seeking to have Leonard Wood's birthday (October 9) declared a national holiday.

After all, Wood heroically eliminated more Islamojihadofascists than any other American. What's not to love?

Grand Old Police Blotter: The Foggo Whore Edition

From the Wall Street Journal:

The agency also has been drawn into a federal investigation of bribery that has sent former Rep. Randall "Duke" Cunningham to prison. Just this past week, the CIA confirmed that its third-ranking official, a hand-picked appointee of Mr. Goss, had attended poker games at a hospitality suite set up by a defense contractor implicated in the bribing of former Rep. Cunningham. Friday, people with knowledge of the continuing Cunningham inquiry said the CIA official, Kyle "Dusty" Foggo, is under federal criminal investigation in connection with awarding agency contracts.

...

Mr. Foggo has been a close friend since junior high school with Poway, Calif., defense contractor Brent R. Wilkes. The criminal investigation centers on whether Mr. Foggo used his postings at the CIA to improperly steer contracts to Mr. Wilkes's companies.

Mr. Wilkes earlier this year was implicated in the charges filed against Mr. Cunningham, as an unindicted co-conspirator who allegedly had paid about $630,000 in bribes to Mr. Cunningham for help in obtaining federal contracts.

No charges have been filed against Mr. Wilkes, although federal prosecutors in San Diego are working to build a case against him, as well as Mr. Foggo, people with knowledge of the investigation said.

The FBI and federal prosecutors also are investigating evidence that Mr. Wilkes had given gifts to Mr. Foggo and paid for various services for him while Mr. Foggo was in a position to help him gain particular CIA contracts.

CIA spokesman Paul Gimigliano said Mr. Foggo "denies any improper gifts from Brent Wilkes."

The proper gifts from Brent Wilkes were just fabulous, however.

And how proper "those services" were.

The Party of Death

John Derbyshite pulls his thumb out of his Ann Coulter doll long enough to type this:

Speaking of Books ...

Would anyone care to open a book on any of the following:?

-- Appearance of the first FREE MOUSSAOUI! placards, T-shirst, baseball caps, etc.

-- Moussaoui's first lawsuit.

-- Moussaoui's first book contract.

"T-shirst." That's a real sidesplitter, you four-eyed racist git. I wonder where you came up with that idea?

Party of death indeed.

Roger's News Break

A weeping Patrick Kennedy (D-U.I.) announced this afternoon that he was seeking treatment for addiction. In a brief statement to reporters, Kennedy said, "My God, I'm no better than Rush Limbaugh, except that I didn't buy my pills illegally, from my maid. Does anyone have Roy Black's number? No? How about Nan Talese's?"

In response, former U.S. Representative Bill Janklow (R-SD) and First Lady Laura Bush issued a joint press release condemning reckless driving.

In other news, Dick Morris celebrated in anticipation of increased face time as the Fox News Channel's Senior Prostitution Analyst.

This Roger News Break was brought to you by Atree, the maker of Aleve.

Leaving To Do More Time With Duke Cunningham

Shouldn't someone with a five year plan stick around for more than a year?

CIA Director Porter Goss resigned unexpectedly Friday, leaving behind a spy agency still battling to recover from the scars of intelligence failures before America's worst terrorist attack and faulty information that formed the U.S. rationale for invading Iraq.

It was the latest move in a second-term shake-up of President Bush's team.

Making the announcement from the Oval Office, Bush called Goss' tenure one of transition.

"He has led ably," Bush said, Goss at his side. "He has a five-year plan to increase the analysts and operatives."

Bush also announced that Goss will be replaced by the Target security guard who caught Claude Allen shoplifting.

The Opposite of Cyber Sex

The New York Times has an article taking the piss out of Midget Mick and his hardcore video chat site. (The first hint is in the title.)

The author, Ginia Bellafante, caught Kaus and a cohort exchanging video views on the topic Ann Coulter: Hot or Nuts? Kaus took the Nut's side of the debate:

As it turned out, Mr. Kaus was reluctant to demonize Ms. Coulter, rejecting Mr. Wright's claim that any anatomization of her thinking would logically conclude that she was either (1) "dishonest" or (2) "stupid." Instead Mr. Kaus offered the counter-theory that she was a more or less sensible person whose zealotry often drove her to exaggerate.

Yes, a sensible untruthful zealot. Sounds familiar.

After noting that Mr. Kaus had been seen in Ms. Coulter's company, [Robert Wright] went on to intimate that maybe, possibly, Mr. Kaus thought she was pretty, that perhaps he had a crush.

That's out of line. Kaus is a one-Lucianne bigot lover.

Getting bored, the author decides to slap Kaus's head around a bit:

One of the many pleasures of bloggingheads.tv is watching two skilled rhetoricians who rarely let loose the clamps on their assiduously framed arguments. Were Mr. Wright and Mr. Kaus ever to conduct a debate about shampoo -- Prell, say, versus Herbal Essence -- they would apply the same legalistic reasoning they bring to discussions about Karl Rove or China.

In Kaus's case, it's also as theoretical a debate as one about sex.

But she doesn't stop there.

As it happens, some bloggers you want to see and some you don't. This is not to suggest that some look like George Clooney, while others have faces meant, well, for blogging.

But she'll suggest it anyway.

Mr. Wright is a liberal; Mr. Kaus a liberal undone by all that's wrong with contemporary liberalism.

Undone, unhinged, unlovely and uninteresting.

[Kaus] surmised that if we accepted the claim that homosexuality was genetically determined, why then couldn't we imagine that there might be a gene activating an aversion to homosexuality?

Sure. And another one to explain the universal aversion to Kaus.

Mr. Wright and Mr. Kaus talk to each other from their home offices, and to Mr. Kaus I would say: Your bookcase looks like it's about to fall over, and I am worried.

Huh? Clearly the bookcase is too far away to do ... Oh.

Never mind.

(Thanks to a reader for the link.)

More On B.S.

Bob Somerby continues on his detour from "speaking truth to power" (the Millionaire Pundit Class) in order to speak truth to the e-mail correspondents and commenters of progressive blogs. This time, Somerby joins in battle a commenter at Eschaton who suspected Richard Cohen of laughing at Don Imus's '96 address to the Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinner. Somerby accesses Lexis/Nexis and retrieves a "real time" column in which Cohen labeled as "boorish behavior" Imus's insinuations of infidelity in the presence of President and Mrs. Clinton. (Although, from the excerpt quoted by Somerby, it seems Cohen's prime beef against Imus was the latter's references to fornication, urination and menstruation on a radio program accessible by the children.)

I'm in complete agreement with Somerby that Cohen didn't find Imus's performance funny. But I'd venture a guess that the real reason for Cohen's displeasure was this particular quip:

"By the way, and this is really awful, if you're Peter Jennings and you're telling more Americans than anyone else what's going on in the world, shouldn't you at least have had a clue that your wife was over at Richard Cohen's house? (laughter, groans, boos) She wasn't at my house!"

Granted, King of Comedy Cohen wasn't exactly the butt of that zinger, but he probably didn't appreciate Imus drawing attention to that allegation before a ballroom full of his neighbors and a national cable audience.

Oh, and more than four months after the dinner isn't a "real time" response; it's a "hopefully, with the passage of time, most people will have forgotten that adultery crack about me and therefore no one will repeat it" response.

Far be it from me to tell anyone how to run his website, but sober reflection might help Bob to recognize that blog comments aren't biggest threat to civilization at this moment, and reassess his priorities accordingly.

Shorter Dick Cohen

"Do I know jokes? Hell, I am one."

Shorter Peggy Noonan

"Fuck John Paul the Great and the horse he rode in on."

My Suggestion, The Steely Daniels, Was Surprisingly Rejected

In a bit of a wacky cross-promotion (!) a minor league arena football franchise is renaming its team after a Biblical character who banged a Philistine hottie, got shaved by said hottie, lost all his strength and then killed himself. Fun for the entire family.

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. - For the first time in sports history, a professional franchise will wear Bible-themed jerseys during a game. On Friday, May 5th, the Birmingham Steeldogs arena football team, which plays in the arenafootball2 league (www.af2.com), will don jerseys with the name of Bible hero "SAMSON" embroidered on the front as they take on the Louisville Fire at the Birmingham-Jefferson Convention Complex. Specific Bible chapter and verse references will be created by combining the names and numerals on the backs of each player.

The jerseys have been produced to replicate the Steeldogs regular game jerseys. "Samson" replaces "Steeldogs" across the chest, in reference to the Old Testament hero renowned for his incredible strength. On the back of the jerseys, instead of having the player's last name, it will be replaced by a book of the Bible. The number on the jersey will correspond to a chapter and verse of that particular book.

For example, Steeldogs quarterback Ryan Hawk wears jersey number 12. On May 5, he'll still wear number 12, but the name on his back will change from "HAWK" to "JAMES", referencing the book of James, Chapter 1 Verse 2. The Bible-themed Steeldogs jerseys are the latest creations of Christian Throwback Jersey Company (www.christianthrowbackjerseys. com) of Birmingham.

The idea to wear the Christian jerseys during the game and auction them off with proceeds going to local non-profit ministries developed through a collaborative effort between Steeldogs Managing Partner Scott Myers and Brent High, President of Third Coast Sports.

...

The promotion is part of the first of three Barber's Dairy Faith Nights with the Steeldogs. Christian recording artists Audio Adrenaline will perform in a pre-game concert. Free Bibles will be handed out courtesy of Spiritual Outdoor Adventures (www.teamsoa.org). The Bibles will come in handy as those in attendance search to find the Bible references on the jerseys of each Birmingham player.

In 2004 High came up with the idea of giving away camouflaged Bibles and bobble head dolls of Biblical figures Moses, Samson and Noah as part of Faith Nights with the Nashville Sounds.

What, no John the Baptist bobblehead?

One can only hope that Louisville Fire renames its pleather-clad Wildfire "dance team" the Delilahs and equips each member with a six-pack and a FlowBee two hours before the kickoff.

(Thanks to a reader for the link)

I would never even contemplate dissing the incomparable and accomplished Jane Hamsher, but please don't stop sending the fruit baskets, Jane. They're doing wonders for my scurvy and rickets.

The Verdict

So Zacarias Moussaoui, a loathsome man who likely would have participated in the 9/11 attacks but didn't have much, if anything, to do with them, but claimed he did, will be in prison for the rest of his life. And he won't be executed either.

Watch the wingnutosphere for demands for jury reform, eludications of the President's Constitutional power to summarily execute criminal defendants regardless of judicial advisory opinions, Palovian droolings of the word dhimmitude and the home addresses and phone numbers of the jurors.

Never Again

Bob Somerby's analytical skills are often at their lowest ebb whenever he tries to play Bismark, The Honest Broker, and takes on the perceived perfidy of the liberal blogosphere. In addressing the Colbert appearance at the White House Press Cwhore dinner, Somerby quotes a reader e-mail posted at an (unnamed) liberal blog which compared the relative lack of press coverage of Colbert to the greater coverage of Don Imus' remarks at the 1996 Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinner. Somerby bravely advises the losers and rubes (that might be you) that the latter was a news story because "the press corps" "felt" Imus was rude to Clinton, citing the fact that "[t]he committee that organized the event has issued a formal apology to the president."

Leaving aside Somerby's conflation of the dinner's organizing committee with "the press corps," and of the issuance of an apology with sincere feeling, there's certainly no dearth of whiners who think Colbert was rude to Bush. (Including perhaps Somerby, who calls Colbert's material "inaapropriate" and thinks Colbert acted in bad faith because he signed a contract -- a contract, dammit! -- to do only funny and appropriate material.) More fundamentally, Somerby doesn't quote "the press corps" stating that they don't think Colbert was rude to Bush. Accordingly, Somerby doesn't make the case he claims to make: that the difference in coverage was due to "the press corps"' differing evaluations of the rudeness of the respective performances.

You become more and more like the others, Bob. Not we.

But the main point of this post is Somerby's quotation of this contemporaneous account of the '96 dinner:

"ABC's Cokie Roberts says she will never -- repeat, never -- be a guest on the Imus radio show again."

Of course, never is a long time when you've got a column to peddle. And no one actually expects you to follow through with a declaration of principle anyway.

But I'd guess what really got Cokie's peeve on ten years ago wasn't the Clinton Astroturf gags, but rather this direct hit:

"My favorite moment on World News Tonight was when Peter threw it to Cokie Roberts who we were told was standing outside the Capitol building, remember that when they chromo-keyed Cokie outside the Capitol."

There's nothing as funny as the truth.

And now Cokie can "never" appear on The Daily Show, as they stole one of her best bits.

Survey Says

A recent survey of Roger Ailes readers indicates that at least 98 percent of them are breathtakingly attractive, intellectually gifted, humble, sexually gifted, affluent, give generously to progessive politicians and causes and buy copious amounts of high-end electronics, books and novelty t-shirts and mugs. And are incapable of deception.

The other 2 percent come here after Googling "Roger Ailes" or "Jay Severin."

Internet marketers are tearing their hair transplants out over their inability to purchase advertising space on this blog.

Oh, and it was a scientific survey, too.

Roses For Peretz

A couple of years ago or so, I good-naturedly ribbed Kevin Drum for characterizing comparing ESPN's deletion of Greg Easterbrook's columns from its website to Stalin's deletion of fallen-from-favor party functionaries from Soviet texts. I pointed out that Stalin also expunged those individuals (and millions more) from the ranks of the living, while the Disney Corporation graciously spared Easterbrook's life. You could look it up (I tried, but I couldn't find it).

Anyway, over at The $9.97 Republic, and more specifically, on The Wank blog, crackpot Kremlinologist Gnome Scheiber tops that insipid analogy by a factor of four:

Various aggrieved bloggers have suggested the audience wasn't laughing because Colbert was too tough on the president and the press corps. I dunno.... I was sitting about ten feet from Ed Helms, Colbert's former "Daily Show" colleague, and kept glancing over to check his reaction. He cracked some smiles here and there. But I never saw him doubled over with laughter, not even close. My sense is that the blogosphere response is more evidence of a new Stalinist aesthetic on the left -- until recently more common on the right -- wherein the political content of a performance or work of art is actually more important than its entertainment value.

Don't tell anyone, 'cause it's still in the planning stage, but the next big netroots project is to install a 30-foot-tall bronze statute of Comrade Colbert in the town square of every occupied Red State. The Artist's and Blogger's Union has been mobilized to exterminate Trey Parker and Matt Stone. (Bruce Tinsley will be allowed to live, but will be relocated to Abu Ghraib and forced to increase his output to three strips a day.) Our plot to flood the market with hammer-and-sickle sportswear has succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. (That's been a long struggle -- Sully's been boring us with tales of his anti-Communist heroics in Cambridge Theater of Operations for, what, 30 years now?)

Now, I don't mean to suggest that Gnome is unfamiliar with brutally-enforced ideological conformity; far from it. And it would be cynical to suggest that the real point of Gnome's piece to was ensure his continued access to those "Bloomberg affairs" he adores so much that he ranks them. But you'd think he'd be smart enough to realize that criticism of a leader who (as Gnome admits) deliberately misused intelligence in order to wage war and consolidate power is the antithesis of Stalinism.

p.s. to the Gnome: Supporting a claim that you thought the War Against Iraq was a bad idea from "the get-go" by citing a piece dated July 11, 2005 is only going to make you sound as lazy and stupid as a White House reporter. Or just like a dumbass.

No Bad Writing Goes Impune

You'd think someone who spent twenty years as a press secretary and currently works as a paid shill would grasp the concept of proofreading:

"You all worship at Vince Cerf who has a clear financial interest in the outcome of this debate but you immediately castigate all of us who disagree and impune our motives."

The Democratic Party's gain is K Street's loss.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for services at Temple Vince Cerf.

And I Swear That I Don't Have A Gun, No I Don't Have A Gun

No, Rush, you weren't arrested. That wasn't a mug shot. This isn't a cup and you don't have to piss into it on demand.

Rush Limbaugh must submit to random drug tests under an agreement filed Monday that will dismiss a prescription fraud charge against the conservative commentator after 18 months if he complies with the terms.

He also must continue treatment for his acknowledged addiction to painkillers and he cannot own a gun.

Let's see.

If the police want to take my picture, I can just say no.

If they want my bodily fluids, sorry, can't have 'em.

They want me to undergo psychiatric treatment, too fucking bad.

If I want to own a gun, I'm golden.

No, Rush, you didn't win. You bargained away the Bill of Rights to keep your sorry ass out of jail.

News You Can't Use

From the front page of nytimes.com:

"A group of Columbia Business School students put together a comedy sketch about Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke."

Just Say No To Drugs

The abuse of hillbilly heroin and Ding Dongs takes its toll.