Roger's TeeVee Guide

Not many people know this, but I am the ultimate Hollywood insider. I was coked-up and making obscene phone calls when Pat O'Brien was still a sportscaster.

One of my highly-placed connections in show business has tipped me off to the plot of next Sunday's Law and Order: Criminal Intent, which, of course, bears no resemblance to any persons living or represented by counsel:

SLAYING OF SECRET SERVICE AGENT HAS DETECTIVES SNIFFING AROUND LOBBYIST, CONGRESSMAN AND INDIAN CASINOS -- The brutal beating murder of a female Secret Service agent in her home has Detectives Logan (Christopher Noth) and Barek (Annabella Sciorra) sniffing around the many clients of her husband Jay (guest star David Alan Bashche), a well-connected lobbyist who is working both for and against an unpopular tribal Indian gaming casino on Long Island. But the detectives want to know why the victim's husband hid their laptop and shredded files soon after discovering her body -- and his curious dealings with a slippery congressman widen the police investigation to include more hidden crimes. Jamey Sheridan and Courtney B. Vance also star.

Hmm... no Adam Kidan, or "Big Tony" Moscatiello or Konstantinos "Gus" Boulis as the corpse. So much for verisimilitude.

I'll probably watch, simply because someone bothered to e-mail me, thinking I might be interested. (Thanks for the tip.) And Jamey Sheridan's a good actor.

By the way, last week's Law & Order: Original Recipe featured stand-ins for Rupert Murdoch, Wendy Deng and Rupe's two families... with Malcom McDowell as Old Rupe. Unfortunately, I didn't watch beyond the first scene, but I've a feeling they didn't go for my preferred ending: Rupe in a bowler and a pair of long johns, warbling "Singin' In The Rain" and kicking Sean Hannity in the nuts, repeatedly.