In the San Francisco Bay Guardian, Tim Redmond attempts to emulate the Esquire Dubious Achievement Awards with his own 2005 "Off-Guard Awards," and lays down this offensive quip:

"Whoops, that means he still might be able to reproduce, which is not exactly a boon to the gene pool.

"A woman angry with her boyfriend, who was trying to leave her, convinced him to let her tie his arms to the bed during sex; she then cut of his penis and flushed it down the toilet. Utility workers recovered it, and doctors reattached it."

Deadly assault = comedy gold at the expense of the victim. Stick to PG&E bashing, Timmy.