Mysteries of Modern Life

Who reads the bridge column? Do people who play bridge even read the bridge column?

"Your honor," the district attorney began, "we will prove South committed a felony, in that he went down at a cold 3NT."

"Proceed."

"North-South were using an antiquated bidding system," the DA began. "In modern methods, North's raise to three diamonds would be invitational or preemptive. South treated it as forcing since he bid 3NT with minimum values."

"I can see the bidding was vintage 1950," sighed the judge. "Get on with it."

"South took the queen of spades," the DA said, "and led a heart to dummy's queen. East won and returned a spade, and South won and let the nine of diamonds ride. East took the king and led his last spade for down one."

Why no column for euchre or pinochle or hearts? Why do papers waste valuable space which could be dedicated to Cryptoquote, or This Day in History?