Geez... it's like Law and F***ing Order around here tonight... Stories ripped from today's headlines ... wooden dialogue ... one-dimensional characters ... right-wing scumbag prosecutors ala Fred Thompson.

So of course I have to do another Dick Dasen story. (I'd pay good money to see a Law and Order episode based on Dick Dasen, provided it was written by S.Z. of World O'Crap.)

For those unfamiliar with my Dick Dasen obsession, he's a Montana businessman/Christian fundamentalist who once donated to a Republican congressional campaign; he's charged with statutory rape and soliticing prostitution, based on allegations he spent over $1 million paying numerous poor and/or drug-addicted women to have sex with him.

Anyway, it appears Dick is attempting to dazzle the Flathead County justice system with some high-falutin' legal manuevering:

[Dasen's attorney, George] Best hired E.B. Eiselein, who has with [sic] 37 years' experience in conducting scientific surveys. Court documents say Eiselein designed and directed a telephone survey of 408 randomly selected registered votes [sic] from Feb. 21-23. It excluded attorneys and their employees.

Eiselein concluded that 82 percent of registered voters in Flathead County "have been following the charges against Dick Dasen Sr. in the local media."

Although most of them admitted they couldn't really follow the story, due to all the typos.

Further, 81 percent have a presumption of innocence or guilt regarding the charges; about 79 percent feel he is guilty and about 3 percent feel he is not.

The remaining 19 percent are currently screwing Dasen in exchange for crank money.

The survey has a statistical variation of 5 percent, Eiselein said.

He surmises that only 11 potential jurors out of a panel of 300 expected to be called would not have had dealings with Dasen or a presumption of his innocence or guilt. To find 44 qualified jurors, it would be necessary to call 2,000 potential jurors, he found, considering that some would be unable to serve for the expected trial duration of four to six weeks.

Especially this time of year, during the annual crystal meth harvest.

Best also refers to a group called Mothers Against Dick Dasen and Meth, a group he says is vocal and is led by a woman whose sworn statement "reflects the aggressive venom directed at Defendant."

Call them MADDAM.

Best also moved to have the charges against Dasen dismissed for lack of speedy trial. Stadler agreed to Best's request to postpone a January trial date. Best argues that evidence has continued to come in to him from prosecutors, causing delays while he researches witnesses and other information.

When last we saw Dick, he was living in Arizona in a luxury vacation home. But he wasn't getting any. So justice delayed is justice denied.

As a side note, it turns out E.B. Eiselein isn't some Dr. Phil-meets-Frank Luntz jury consultant/pollster fraud, but has a Ph.D in anthropology. (And he believes "Arbitron is bullshit.")