Holy Craps! Or, The Seven of Spades Is The Unluckiest Card In The Deck
By now everyone has read how William "Dice" Bennett is down some 8,000 large to the fine, upstanding proprietors of games of chance on both American coasts. The Diceman says he's broken no laws, he's not an addict, and he's never bet against his own team.
Let's see what some of Bennett's fellow hairshirts think of Bill's victimless crime spree.
"Gambling is billed as a harmless diversion. (The industry prefers the euphemistic moniker 'gaming.') But the latest data confirms the historic perception of gambling as a vice on par with drugs, prostitution and other corrosive forms of adult entertainment."
Verdict: Bill, you're no better than a junkie whore. Ouch!
"Ohio's Republican state Senate president Doug White illustrates how state officials are allowing the fiscal crisis to corrode their principles where gambling is concerned: 'I do not like gaming, I do not participate in gaming and I do not encourage anyone else to participate in gaming because it's a loser's game,' he said. Yet, White has vigorously pushed a bill in the Ohio Senate that would put slot machines in the state's horse-racing tracks."
Verdict: Unprincipled loser. Won't Jack be pissed to hear that Bill's been giving Empower America's address to the casinos as a contract address.
"[Racehorse owner Pat] Robertson is trying to have it both ways, which is a familiar practice among some religious leaders of different denominations. 'I wish horse racing was not supported by gambling,' he told Finley. ... [Para.] Rationalization is not new, in religious or secular life. We want approval for the things we do, even when they don't look good to others. But using Robertson's rationalization, a visit to a bordello could be justified because he might testify to his appreciation of the piano's player's prowess or his desire to study the 'bloodlines' of the well-proportioned staff."
Verdict: Rationalizing sinner!
Bennett's pal, Dr. James Dobson:
"Gambling is driven by and subsists on greed. For this reason, the activity is morally bankrupt from its very foundation. Gambling is also an activity which exploits the vulnerable � the young, the old, and those susceptible to addictive behaviors. Further, gambling entices the financially disadvantaged classes with the unrealistic hope of escape from poverty through instant riches, thus ultimately worsening the plight of our poorest citizens. Also, gambling undermines the work ethic. It is based on the premise of something for nothing, a concept that sanctions idleness rather than industriousness, slothfulness instead of initiative."
Verdict: Morally bankrupt greedy bastard! (The sly Dobson even links to Empower America on his evils of gambling webpage!)
"The Bishops pointed out that another destructive phenomenon in Oceania is the spread of gambling, especially in casinos which hold out the promise of a quick and spectacular solution to financial woes, only to lead people into an even more difficult situation."
The Verdict: Enabler of socially destructive activity.
Diamond Jackass Brady tries to defend his grubby little habit -- which he tried to hide from his wife and employer, according to one casino -- by saying that he used to play bingo at the local parish when he was "growing up." I'm sure he could still do that if he was just gambling "to relax," and avoid the hassle of having to travel to Vegas and the expense of blowing $1.4 million at a pop. Hell, he could've played the nickel slots and limit his losses to $80,000 instead of $8 million. Seems like someone's in denial.
Meanwhile, I eagerly await each of the enumerated gentlemens' unequivocal repudiation and condemnation of the sinner in their midst. Can excommunication be far behind?
Edited because $8 million is only $8,000 large, not $800,000.
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