Boycotting French Wine and English Composition

Every gimmick-hungry yob from Tammy Bruce to Denny Hastert has jumped on the "Boycott France" bandwagon. It must be hard to stand out in such a sea of mediocrity. But prominent Hollywood publicist Michael Levine has found a way.

In a thrilling press release issued this Monday, Levine answers his grateful nation's call ... and then puts the nation on hold to take an important call from an assistant producer over at Lifetime.

HOLLYWOOD PUBLICIST TO LEAD NATIONAL FRENCH WINE BOYCOTT

In response to a strong sense of disgust with France�s lack of support of America, prominent Hollywood publicist Michael Levine has agreed to lead a nationwide boycott of French wine in an effort to send a strong signal to both the French government and people.

The boycott will be focused on French wine and will begin immediately.

�I am asking Americans not to buy, drink, or give French wine at all until they recover from their political amnesia. Nearly 200,000 American GI�s died to liberate France from World War II alone,� said Levine. �I have no opinion on Americans purchasing French cheese or bread, but no French wine. None!�

And this is from a public relations firm. Has there ever been a press release that made its subject look so egocentric ("they asked me!"), so inarticulate ("liberate France from World War II") and so just plain stupid ("I'm responding to a strong sense of disgust") in so few words? Would you trust your career to a publicist who promotes himself via a press release that wouldn't get a passing grade in a remedial high school english class?