Monday, June 14, 2010

BattereBay

What's the difference between Bob Etheridge and Meg Whitman? The alleged payoff, for one thing:

In June 2007, an eBay employee claimed that Ms. Whitman became angry and forcefully pushed her in an executive conference room at eBay’s headquarters, according to multiple former eBay employees with knowledge of the incident. They spoke on the condition of anonymity because the matter was delicate and was deemed to be strictly confidential.

The employee, Young Mi Kim, was preparing Ms. Whitman for a news media interview that day. Ms. Kim, who was not injured in the incident, hired a lawyer and threatened a lawsuit, but the dispute was resolved under the supervision of a private mediator.

Two of the former employees said the company paid a six-figure financial settlement to Ms. Kim, which one of them characterized as "around $200,000."

In Ms. Hitman's defense, I'd be constantly pissed off if my business was selling people's used crap. I'd be even more pissed as a shareholder whose money was used to protect a lunatic CEO.

Meegan

But is there enough lithium in Afghanistan to cure the G.O.P.?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Kausmortem

Mickey Kaus still hasn't returned to Slate, perhaps to make it look it like that wasn't the plan all along.

On his campaign site, Kaus is trumpeting that he vote total has now increased to over 100,000, with late counted ballots added to the total (presumably provisional ballots). He neglects to mention that his percentage of the vote remained exactly the same.

Kaus also mentions that he was annoyed when asked if his campaign was fun, pecksniffing that his campaign was a noble cause and that he was trying to make a difference by pissing on the working class. One of Kaus' kommentors claims to be "in awe of your courage," which would be the courage to milk suckers and spend their money on house parties for his friends and vanity videos.

As Kaus says elsewhere on his site, he cannot now run as an independent, having lost the Dem primary. He could, however, run as a write-in, and I'm not sure he couldn't run as a TP candidate.

We're still waiting for Kaus to announce the winner of his You Tube Video Challenge, which I suspect had no entries because I didn't submit this.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I thought I'd caught World Cup fever, but it's just a kidney infection.

A Perfect 115

This could be really good as an audiobook with the main characters voiced by Beck and Sharia Plain soundalikes. I think I'll go to the library on June 15 and berate the librarian if she/he doesn't have my copy waiting for me.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Ass 'Leker

James Lileks, the "humorist" whose forehead resembles a human ass, only larger, tells a tall tale in which his daughter comes across the President using the word "ass." Lileks bemoans the fact that Obama said ass in public, whereas more statesmenlike solons only spoke ass in private. Lileks simpers that "[i]t will now be difficult to tell her not to use that word."

The problem with this fairy tale is that Lileks has used "ass" in the same context hundreds of times on his own shitty website. Apparently Lileks' frequent use of the word in a public forum doesn't make it difficult to instruct his offspring; it's only when Barry X uses the noun that Lileks struggles as a parent.

Lileks seems the kind of oblivious asshole who doesn't recognize when he engages in the kind of activities he criticizes others for. No doubt Lileks rages against Obama because he's popular and intelligent and has kicked the ass of many a terrorist who's caused Lileks to soil his own ass. And that kind of rage can make one stupider than one already is.

(Tip o' the ass to roy edroso.)

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Hugh Hewitt Has Nothing to Worry About

Don't worry Noel. If anything, she charged them to the RNC.

(via S, N!)

Which Way, M.K.?

Mickey Kaus's next move?
a. Return to Slate job he never really left, to live off WaPo Wingnut Welfare until age 67.

b. Return to Slate job at one-third salary based on revelation as to how much traffic Kaus was actually generating for Slate.

c. Blog independently; move into debating partner after income fails to cover rent.

d. Run as Tea Party candidate, identified on ballot as Mickey "Mickey" "I SAID, MICKEY!" Kaus.

e. Become Republican after Democratic Party says, "Yes, we left you. Now get the fuck out!"

f. Lengthy hospitalization after mother sends union thugs to get her Volvo back.
How to Be A Libertarian Asshole
J. Bowen said...

I was at the library today to print something and there was some old guy at the counter yelling at the lady because the library didn't have a copy of  [The Road to Serfdom] even though Glenn Beck was advertising it. It was disturbing and hilarious at the same time.

3:32 PM, June 09, 2010

["Doctor"] Helen said...

J. Bowen,

It's a classic, they should have it in the library. Good for the guy for yelling. I bet they have all of Toni Morrison's books.

3:39 PM, June 09, 2010
The librarian probably belted the guy too, since she was a woman.

(Edited to include the punchline -- D'oh! -- the title of the book)
So who bankrolled the Kaus Kampaign? Looks like mainly white collar white folks with money burning holes in their pockets. Notable Kaus Kampaigners including Mike Kinsley, John Ellis (formerly of FOX), Heather McDonald and Mrs. Doughy Pantload. Not a lot of real Democrats in that crowd.

Gadfly vs. Gadfly

How significant is Kaus's vote total?

Kaus claims he garnered more than 100,000 votes, although the Secretary of State's website lists his total as 94,000.

Dr. Orly Taitz won 372,000 votes in the Republican primary race for Secretary of State. She also lost.

Kaus: 1/4th as popular as a birther.

Update (two minutes later): TS beat me to it. Damn! And Weigel and Alex Pareene too!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Kaus Fails

With 10.6 percent of precincts reporting, the Hairless Hack is managing to hold on to third place in the California Senate contest, garnering close to 1/3 of the votes of the second place candidate, Brian "Producer to the Stars" Quintana has captured.

Barbara Boxer 367,955 79.2%
Robert M. "Mickey" Kaus 24,381 5.2%
Brian Quintana 72,673 15.6%

Perhaps Kaus can get Mr. Quintana kicked out of the country -- or at least Barney's Beanery -- and claim victory.

We can assume from these results that three times as many California Democrats hate Jon Peters as hate unions and immigrants.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Don't Tell Arizona

The National Spelling Bee has foreigners in it!

p.s. -- I correctly spelled 25 on the sample test, including the incredibly dorktastic Round 2 and 3 words, which was not good enough to enter the semi-finals and constitute begging for a wedgie. At age 10, I probably would have scored a 3.

Blog Whoring

Los Angelenos are more fucked up than anyone ever imagined:

"FOR a solitary blogger, Mickey Kaus is astonishingly social and well connected: It's difficult to find a writer or politico in Los Angeles who hasn't knocked boots (or opinions) with Mr. Kaus at a party, or at the monthly mixers he hosts at Yamashiro restaurant and a supper club jokingly called Morons." (Link added)

After next Tuesday, the constant stream of undeserved puffers from the EMESSEM will end, and Kaus will stink up Slate.com (the job he never really quit) once again. Everyone will stop pretending that Kaus was "trying to reach a new audience" by holding house parties at his friends' fabulous homes and appearing on wingnut radio programs like the Depends Media Political Comedy Hour. No one will care that Kaus never tried to reach Democratic voters beyond those in his members-only swingers' club, and never sought to lower himself by engaging with, or speaking to, actual union members, teachers or immigrant rights supporters. It was all just a kabuki cocktail circle jerk for fat and self-satisfied elites, starting (sic) with the candidate himself, who never encountered a problem they couldn't blame on the help.

Polls open Tuesday at 7:00 a.m. and stay open until 8:00 p.m. Cast your vote. You may never enjoy an election more than this one.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Rock and Roll Will Never Die

As long as there are people with full-time jobs and social obligations (or medical appointments!) who are too lazy to figure out ad software and are content to publish lame gags with lots of swear words, there will always be an amateur blogosphere.

Catch the Spit

Aging hippies sic their shysters on a creepy racist:

Lawyers representing Canadian rockers Rush have ordered an American politician to stop using their music as part of his Senate campaign.

The musicians are said to have been left fuming after discovering Kentucky's Republican candidate Rand Paul had been using their tracks during public events and in online adverts as he seeks election to office.

Robert Farmer, an attorney for the band's Entertainment Group Inc. record label, has written to Paul's campaign officials claiming the use of Rush's music violates copyright laws, according to Courier-journal.com.

Rand Paul: rights for me, but not for African-Americans or Canadian hippies who can't even get their name spelled right in the fucking Toronto Sun!.

More on Rush and Rand here. (I see Chait linked to this in April, but I found it independently.)

Wankerman

Tucker Carlson's giant sinkhole, the Daily Choler, is running columns written under the nom de wingnut "Anchorman." These missives are written by someone pretending to be "a well-known news anchor from a top-10, big city station." The columns invariably involve Anchorman snivelling about how liberal the news business is, and how he would lose his job if secret wingnut identity was disclosed.

The Daily Choler promised Anchorman complete anonymity by agreeing to publish him on the Daily Choler website.

In publishing the most recent of these pieces, the Daily Choler forget they were pretending that the author was a local anchor and titled his column "Anchor accuses own network of 'embarrassing' bias in Israel coverage." But the premise of the column was that Wankerman was writing a memo to his own boss about what appeared on his local station's 5 p.m. newscast. (The headline duped some of the duller dullards.)

It's clear that Wankerman is a fictitious character. Because most of the time, his patrons forget to pretend they're keeping his "identity" secret.

For example, the Choler claims Wankerman is a well-known talking wigstand in a top ten teevee market. Wanker stated in a recent column that he drove home from the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Only four of the top ten markets are on the East Coast: New York, D.C., Boston and Philly. It's highly doubtful that even a Wanker would drive home from D.C. to New York or Boston, particularly if he had to anchor the Sunday morning station i.d.'s between Hair Club infomercials.

In another column, the Wanker shows a bigoted fascination with two D.C. murder cases. Doubt those got much play in NYC/Boston/Philly.

Wanker also claims he "anchored a No. 1 rated 10 p.m. newscast in the Midwest in the mid-1980's," meaning that the character would have had to been working in teevee for at least 25 years.

And so on. It wouldn't be hard to identify Wankerman if he was a real person, rather than one of Tucker Faye Carlson's unpaid interns pretending to be an elderly reactionary who cribs column ideas from Mallard Fillmore and Free Republic. Tucker should give up the gag and admit the closet case anchor is a fake.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Kaus Hires Ruth Shalit as Ad Director

From Kausfails:

We have our first TV ad, which you can see here. .... Press release here. ... It's based on a classic Paul Wellstone spot (done by North Woods Advertising). ...

Kaus still can't come up with an original idea. Maybe if he stole Wellstone's policies and not his advertisements he'd crack the .0001% voter support ceiling.

Bonus Kaus Komedy: "We're going to win on truth." So if you lose, it's because of your lies, Mickey?

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Less Than Zero

Thor Thorassson gets a scolding from Mr. Floppy:

But sacrificing your own credibility in an effort to undermine someone else’s is not a good idea, and what Erickson has done has surely hurt both his own reputation and that of his website.

As if Red, Running Sore State had any credibility to begin with. Or CNN.

Coleman.

Hopper.

The Curse of An American Carol continues unabated.

George and Lanny

Fox News Democrat Lanny Davis:

Ms. Maddow also failed to elicit from Mr. Paul, much less credit him, with clearly liberal positions on the major issues, also consistent with libertarian principles, such as the fact that he is unambiguously pro-choice (“government should be kept out of the matter, leaving the question to each person for their conscientious consideration”); pro-civil liberties (“we oppose reduction of constitutional safeguards of the rights of the criminally accused … the Bill of Rights provides no exceptions for a time of war”); and pro-decriminalizing victimless crimes, such as the use of drugs for medicinal or recreational purposes.

Rachel Maddow did fail to credit Rand Paul for being unambiguously pro-choice. I wonder why?

I am 100% pro life. I believe abortion is taking the life of an innocent human being. I believe life begins at conception and it is the duty of our government to protect this life.
I will always vote for any and all legislation that would end abortion or lead us in the direction of ending abortion. I believe in a Human Life Amendment and a Life at Conception Act as federal solutions to the abortion issue.
Perhaps Ms. Maddow perceived an ambiguity.

Or perhaps she didn't confuse Randal Paul with the platform of the Libertarian Party, where Davis's quote comes from. Even for a FoxDem hack, writing on a Tucker Faye Carlson website, this is fairly pathetic.

p.s. Ta-Nehisi Coates has already covered this ground.

That Oughta Hold The Little ...

Midget Mickey Kaus:

I support a woman's ability to choose to have an abortion in the first trimester. I have grave doubts about the morality of some late second-term elective abortions, including so-called "partial birth abortion."

The failed blogger also supports a woman's ability to multiply three-digit numbers, to fill out a ballot and to shut the fuck up and bring me a beer.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Do the wingnuts who donate to the Kaus campaign know about this?

Regarding Israel, [Mickey Kaus] deplored the continued building of settlements to serve a fringe group and urged the United States to demand that Israel take the steps necessary to move toward peace. The Arab world has to see the United States as an actor independent of Israel.

The FEC hasn't disclosed the names of Kaus contributors, yet. But the thought of Obammy telling Bibi what to do, instead of the other way 'round, should send a sizable portion of Kaus's wingnut/Boxer-hater donor base to the gates of Kaus Manor with pitchforks and requests for reimbursement.

The FEC website still hasn't identified any of Kaus's donors, but we'll keep checking.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Kaus Debates Future Home

(Photo via here, where Kaus loses a key endorsement.)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Will California issue a similar prohibition on goat suits?

Two Degrees of Freedomworksation

America's favorite libertarian blogger has nothing to say about America's favorite libertarian politician's favorite libertarian philosophies.

Not nothing intelligent to say.

Nothing to say.

How strange.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Paul/Kane '12

That's the ticket:

Sheriff Kelly said that Mr. Kane complained in 2004 about being sentenced to six days of community service for driving with an expired license plate and no seat belt, saying that the judge had tried to “enslave” him. Mr. Kane had added that he was a “free man” and had asked for $100,000 per day in gold or silver.
The Talking Slapheads

According to some site linked by Memeorandum, hairless troll doll Mark Levin (pronounced "Leh-VEEN") has issued a challenge:

Since Rand Paul has canceled his Sunday appearance on MTP, there's an opening, and Levin wants in. He challenges Gregory to have a real conservative on for a change.

Rich Lowry, Orrin Hatch, Karl Rove, David Brooks, John Boehner, Michael Steele, Mike Murphy, Michael Chertoff, Lindsey Graham, Jeff Sessions, Joe Lieberman, Kathleen Parker, Marsha Blackburn, Richard Shelby, Mike Pence, Lamar Alexander, Mitch McConnell and Peggy Noonan -- all Press the Meet guests since March -- aren't real conservatives, to Levin's mind.

Apparently Levin thinks Press the Meet should invite him on just because he's a "real conservative," and Paul isn't. (Or something. It doesn't have to make sense.) Paul accomplished something, which makes him a newsmaker, and Levin hasn't achieved anything greater than facial hair in the past quarter-century.

But I hope he gets the invite. The guy can't even outwit Geraldo Rivera, and he won't do any better when seated next to three sane people.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Accidents Will Happen

Republican Rand Paul:

"And I think it's part of this sort of blame-game society in the sense that it's always got to be somebody's fault instead of the fact that maybe sometimes accidents happen," Paul said.

The senate candidate referred to a Kentucky coal mine accident that killed two men, saying he had met with the families and he admired the coal miners' courage.

"We had a mining accident that was very tragic. ... Then we come in and it's always someone's fault. Maybe sometimes accidents happen," he said.

Shit happens:

PROVIDENCE, Ky. -- A rescue team found a second Kentucky miner dead Thursday after a roof collapse at an underground coal mine with a long history of safety problems.

Kentucky Office of Mine Safety and Licensing spokesman Dick Brown said the two miners were killed in an accident at the Dotiki Mine near Providence in western Kentucky late Wednesday.

Gov. Steve Beshear identified the miners as 27-year-old Justin Travis and 28-year-old Michael Carter.

"Our entire state mourns along with the families and friends," Beshear said in a statement. "Despite our sadness, we must press forward to the work ahead of us -- fully investigating what caused this accident and determining ways to avoid such accidents in the future."

...

State and federal records show more than 40 closure orders for the mine over safety violations since January 2009.

Records show inspectors from the Kentucky Office of Mine Safety and Licensing have issued 31 orders to close sections of the mine or to shut down equipment because of safety violations since January 2009. Those records also show an additional 44 citations for safety violations that didn't result in closure orders.

MSHA records show the mine was cited 840 times by federal inspectors for safety violations since January 2009, and 11 times closure orders were issued.

The records show 214 of the citations were issued in the first four months of this year, and twice inspectors issued closure orders this year.

The accident happened while the miners were operating what's known as a continuous miner, a toothy machine that digs coal for transport to the surface, said Ricki Gardenhire, a spokeswoman for the Office of Mine Safety and Licensing.

Surely an act of God.

Through A Teabag, Darkly

Criticizing a British company for environmental devastation of American waters and coastline is "un-American":

WASHINGTON – Kentucky's Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul criticized President Barack Obama's handling of the Gulf oil spill Friday as putting "his boot heel on the throat of BP" and "really un-American."

Paul's defense of the oil company came during an interview in which he tried to explain his controversial take on civil rights law, an issue that has overtaken his campaign since his victory in Tuesday's GOP primary.

"What I don't like from the president's administration is this sort of, 'I'll put my boot heel on the throat of BP,'" Rand said in an interview with ABC's "Good Morning America." "I think that sounds really un-American in his criticism of business."

Does this dimwit even understand what "Tea Party" refers to?

(Read the whole article; it's comedy gold! And Obama hasn't even put on argyle sock on BP. Someone please send him some steel-toed hob-nail boots.)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Roger Solves Your Problems

Rand. May I call you Rand? Just hire Lloyd Marcus as your campaign spokesman.

No need to thank me.

In Which Kaus Begs to Get His Slate Job Back

With three weeks to go before the primary, Midget Mickey Kaus speaks to the issues California voters care about:

I'll pay for a week's worth of Andrew Sullivan's testosterone injections if he can find a single blog post where I "assumed [Gary] Condit's guilt." ... I've apologized for thinking Condit's guilt was more of a possibility than was justified. That's not assuming guilt. I always held open the alternative possibility that he wasn't guilty--as he wasn't, it turned out--because early on I'd talked to a very sensible and well-positioned source who scoffed at the idea that Condit did it. ...

Instead of debating Barbara Boxer, Kaus should be debating the corpses of Babs Olson and Dominick Dunne.

If elected, Kaus will sponsor Senate resolutions condemning Ron Burkle and all younger and more popular bloggers.

Update (9/21): The midget offers a Randpaulian clarification of his position on the issues:

From: Mickey Kaus (Mickey_Kaus@msn.com)

Subject: re: The Sullivan Testosterone Challenge!

I wasn't mocking Sullivan for HIV! I'm teasing/mocking him for juicing himself up with what by his own account is a powerful drug that makes him unusually combative.

Next thing you know, Kaus will declare that if he had been HIV-positive in the 80s, he'd use testosterone too.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Republican Family Values: Parks and Recreation Edition

Despite 58 years of abstinence education, Hooiser Grandaddy Mark Souter (R-IN) needs a refresher course. The aged porkbuster has not only sinned against God, but against Nature as well:

Less than a week before the Republican primary election, anonymous callers phoned some of the Republican candidates running against Souder, with allegations that he was regularly meeting a girlfriend for romantic trysts in state parks. One alleged that he and a staffer went together late at night to the remote and heavily-forested Robinson Lake boat launch in Whitley County. But the opponents questioned the reliability of the information, and did not make a public issue of the claims.

For Indiana families wishing to avoid Souder's discarded scumbags on the hiking trial, the question remains: Which parks did Souder visit? My guesses:

Limberlost State Memorial
Frances Slocum State Forest
Clifty Falls State Park
Mounds State Park
Kaukakee State Fish and Wildlife Area
Middle Fork State Wildlife Refuge
Turkey Run State Park