Self-administered breast examinations save lives.

Ignorance kills.

This dude needs to give himself a rectal exam with a 12-inch Cheney.

I say it because I care.

Libertarian Snark

Megan McArdle attempts snark:

The fact that all free market, small government efforts are entirely funded by a combination of three scary billionaires, and a bunch of big self-interested corporations, is a sort of stylized fact among a certain portion of the progressive media. Apparently, checking this theory would be like trying to get three separate sourcs [sic] to tell you that the sky is blue.

And which proggy fishwrap is the target of McArdle's scathing, subliterate remarks? The Nation? The Daily Worker? Let's see:

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Fucking lying commies! The only outfit with lower editorial standards is The Atlantic.

The Mentally Substandard

Dig this crazy insight from Matty Incontinenti:

"It was telling that Fey should be the actress who impersonated Palin. The two women may look like each other, but they could not be more dissimilar. Each exemplifies a different category of feminism. Palin comes from the I-can-do-it-all school. She is professionally successful, has been married for more than 20 years, and has a large and (from all outward appearances) happy family. And while Fey is also pretty, married, and has a daughter, the characters she portrays in films like Mean Girls and Baby Mama, and in television shows like 30 Rock, are hard-pressed eggheads who give up personal fulfillment—e.g., marriage and motherhood—in the pursuit of professional success," he writes. "On 30 Rock, Fey, who is also the show's chief writer and executive producer, plays Liz Lemon, a television comedy writer modeled on herself. Liz Lemon is smart, funny, and at the top of her field. But she fails elsewhere. None of her relationships with men works out. She wants desperately to raise a child but can find neither the time nor the means to marry or adopt. Lemon makes you laugh, for sure. But you also would be hard pressed to name a more unhappy person on American TV."

Fey is a successful television producer, comic actress and writer who portrays, successfully, an unhappy unmarried character. Thus, she is unlike Sarah Palin, who doesn't portray an unhappy unmarried character on the teevee.

The contrast you're looking for, Matty, is this: People laugh with Fey, they laugh at Palin.

Update: Curses! Foiled again by Steve M.!

976-WANK

National Review remains on the cutting edge of technology:

If you like what you hear, and you will, then you’ll want to sign up for the next three editions: including this Wednesday, October 28th at 7:30. Your host, NR Editor Rich Lowry, will be joined by Senior Editor Ramesh Ponnuru and Contributing Editor Andrew McCarthy for an exciting hour of discussion of current events — and answers for your (live) questions. The cost for the next three sessions (November 17 and December 15 are the two following dates) is only $19.95.

...

During the call Rich, Andy, and Ramesh will discuss the hottest issues of the day. You'll get the opportunity to ask questions, answer surveys, or you can just sit back and enjoy hearing these great pundits and observers make sense of the current political scene.

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18 and over only. Must have a valid credit card.

This Would Be Good For The Hit Count

Friends and associates are encouraging Roger Ailes — Fox News founder, chairman and CEO — to jump into the political arena for real by running for President in 2012. "Ailes knows how to frame an issue better anybody and that's what we need now," says one Ailes friend who is encouraging him to run. Frank Luntz, for one, tells Playbook that Ailes could be a force if does it. "I have known Roger Ailes for 29 years," says Luntz. "No one knows how to win better than Roger."

Of course, the FFF has about as much chance of winning the nomination as Frank Luntz has of become a legitimate pollster -- or Mike Allen has of becoming a respected journalist. But I can dream.

No, Yes, Yes, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No and Not Even That

Ron Rosenbaum wakes up in a sewer and addresses its occupants:

Are you aware of the nature of Hitler's chief opposition, the German Social Democratic Party? Frankly I doubt it. As someone who has researched and written about the death-struggle between the German Social Democratic Party (yes, they were socialists! and pro-democracy!) and the Nazis (in Explaining Hitler), as someone who has spoken with aging German social democrats, whose fellow party members were murdered by Nazi thugs on the streets and in the concentration camps, I have to say to the Hitler mustache crew: Have you no shame, have you no decency? Have you no ability to read history? Are you not aware of how sickening your trivialization of Nazi evil is. You are traducing the memory of some of the bravest defenders of democracy in Germany by mimicking the Nazis' meretricious expropriation of the socialist name. Are you unable to distinguish between Nazi Germany and the democratic socialism of Sweden, say? Are you that detached from reality?

The German Social Democratic party fought the Nazis in the streets, in the press (see my chapter on the socialist anti-Hitler newspaper, The Munich Post) whose reporters risked their lives to warn the world about the evil brewing in Germany. Evil fomented by Nazi lies and violence. The German Social Democratic Party was, by the way, hated not just by the Nazis but by the Communists as well. Both totalitarian groups couldn’t abide a genuinely pro-democratic party. (Are you aware there’s a difference between democratic socialism and totalitarian communism? Whatever critique you have of the former, they were never mass murderers like the latter. Have you read anything but the Jonah Goldberg book?)

And they accused Fannie Mae of giving too much credit.

Warning: Link goes to Depends Media.

A Zen Koan from Jesus' Ex-Wife

"An e-mail, not from a mom yet"

Grand Old Police Blotter: Jail to the Chief of Police Edition

Rudy Nine of Eleven's corrupt enforcer and the man George W. Bush wanted to head the Department of Homeland Security has gotten a new pad. One without a view of the ruins of the World Trade Towers or Judith Regan's naked flesh:

Bernard Kerik became the first NYPD commissioner to land in jail Tuesday after a judge revoked his bail for trying to taint the jury pool in his upcoming corruption trial.

Late last night Kerik was taken from White Plains Federal Court to the Westchester County Jail in Valhalla. His lawyers vowed a prompt appeal to try and get him out.

A furious Judge Stephen Robinson threw Kerik in the clink after prosecutors said the former top cop and the head of his legal defense fund engaged in a subversive campaign to sway potential jurors.

The judge blasted Kerik for ignoring his prior warnings to bar Anthony Modafferi, the head of the fund, from posting anti-prosecution rants on on the Internet.

"Mr. Kerik has a toxic combination of self-minded focus and arrogance that leads him to believe that the ends justify the means, that rules that apply to all don't apply to him in the same way, that rulings of the court are an inconvenience," Robinson said.

The one-time "hero" of 9/11 was led away by U.S. marshals after handing his red tie, religious medals and a ring to his lawyers, standard procedure for all prisoners.

Rudy Guiliani could not be reached for an implausible denial.

This Just In: Water Is Wet

The episode that transfixed the nation last week — a spaceship-like balloon floating through the Colorado skies with a 6-year-old boy named Falcon believed to be inside — was declared “a hoax” by the Larimer County sheriff’s office on Sunday.

"It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt," the Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said at a news conference in Fort Collins, Colo., one day after re-interviewing members of the now-famous Heene family about the case. "We have evidence to indicate it was a publicity stunt done with the hope of marketing themselves to a realty [sic] television show sometime in the future."

Richard Heene and his wife Mayumi have not yet been arrested, but the sheriff said that among the charges being considered are three felonies: conspiracy between the husband and the wife to commit a crime, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and an attempt to influence a public servant, the last of which carries a prison term of six years. The charges could also include a misdemeanor, filing a false report.

True liberal that I am, I refuse to endorse torture or the death penalty for these people, no matter how much it is warranted. Although I admit to wavering as applied to Wolf Blitzer.

Where Does The Time Go?

Crap. Another week with no posts. Someone has to be held accountable.

Learn to Write, Morans

A professional writer:

I guess I must hate America, but I actually think it's kind of ludicrous that anyone is even trying to argue that Barack Obama truly deserves this Nobel Peace Prize.

Corrected:

Perhaps I hate America, but it's ludicrous to argue that Barack Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

What Mickey Kaus Should Do With Food And Water

Biggest upset since I was robbed of the Man Booker Prize.

'Jew Read Ann Alchouse's Latest Inanity?

Attention/Moisture seeker Ann Althouse is back on the crazy wagon again. She reviews Capitalism: A Love Story by the Fat One as follows:

The most striking thing in the movie was the religion. I think Moore is seriously motivated by Christianity. He says he is (and has been since he was a boy). And he presented various priests, Biblical quotations, and movie footage from "Jesus of Nazareth" to make the argument that Christianity requires socialism. With this theme, I found it unsettling that in attacking the banking system, Moore presented quite a parade of Jewish names and faces. He never says the word "Jewish," but I think the anti-Semitic theme is there. We receive long lectures about how capitalism is inconsistent with Christianity, followed a heavy-handed array of — it's up to you to see that they are — Jewish villains.

Am I wrong to see Moore as an anti-Semite? I don't know, but the movie worked as anti-Semitic propaganda. I had to struggle to fight off the idea the movie seemed to want to plant in my head.

Yes, "Jesus is a Socialist" is the most anti-Semitic premise ever told.

And addledpated Annie had to actively fight off the anti-Semitic thoughts the movie was forcing her to think against her will. Apparently, she lost the battle against the mind-controlling effects of the film Sideways -- which is the most plausible explanation for all her ravings since 2004.

Alchouse can't be bothered to offer a sober assessment of whether Moore's rogues' gallery is filled with rogues, nor does she nominate some Catholics and Baptists who Moore might have called out instead. She can't even bother to remember who Moore named checked; it's as if those names have passed out of her mind. She's simply scraped the bottom of the bottle and spewed out the last insipid dregs.

Sorry, no link to the Nuthouse. It's up to you to find that crap.

Roger's Reader Participation Corner

Who really wrote Liberal Fascism: Dreams of My Mother by Jonah Goldberg?

So You Think You Can Domenech?

Do you have what it takes to be the next Dick Cohen or Dean Broder? The new George Fwill or ATM Annie Applebaum? Do your views range from neo-conservative to neo-neo-conservative? Do you blast the failed Obama presidency more in fake sorrow than in anger? Do the words "recovering liberal" or "G.O.P. speechwriter/lobbyist" come up when undergoing background checks and 78-hour hold evaluations? Do your conflicts of interest let you live large? Has Sally Quinn or Kitty Weymouth held your cocktail? Isn't that Joe Scarborough a laff riot?

If so, you're probably not reading this you might already be America's Next Top News Chef/Supermodel!

Here's your chance to put your opinions to the test -- and win the opportunity to write a weekly column and a launching pad for your opinionating career!

Start making your case.

Use the entry form to send us a short opinion essay (400 words or less) pegged to a topic in the news and an additional paragraph (100 words or less) on yourself and why you should win. Entries will be judged on the basis of style, intelligence and freshness of argument, but not on whether Post editors agree or disagree with your point of view. Entry deadline: Oct. 21, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. ET.

Then get ready for the great debate.

Beginning on or about Oct. 30, ten prospective pundits will get to compete for the title of America’s Next Great Pundit, facing off in challenges that test the skills a modern pundit must possess. They’ll have to write on deadline, hold their own on video and field questions from Post readers. (Contestants won’t have to quit their day jobs, but they should be prepared to put in about eight hours a week for three weeks.) After each round, a panel of Post personalities will offer kudos and catcalls, and reader votes will help to determine who gets another chance at a byline and who has to shut down their laptop.

Eyes on the prize.

The ultimate winner will get the opportunity to write a weekly column that may appear in the print and/or online editions of The Washington Post, paid at a rate of $200 per column, for a total of 13 weeks and $2,600. Our Opinions lineup includes a dozen Pulitzer Prize winners, regulars on the national political talk shows and some of the most influential players inside the Beltway. We’ll set our promising pundit on a path to become the next byline in demand, the talking head every show wants to book, the voice that helps the country figure out what’s really going on.

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To stop laughing.

Void where prohibited. Contest open to residents of all RedStates. Winner may not engage "in any activities that are inconsistent with the professional and ethical standards of Sponsor." So, no problem there. "In its sole discretion, Sponsor reserves the right to modify any material submitted prior to posting or otherwise disseminating such materials." Like I said.