Thanks

A nearly-belated Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, and a premature blessed Red Friday as well. Your patronage of this blog is greatly appreciated.

True, you haven't given me nearly $75K, as The Corner claims its readers have, but that just proves you're a lot smarter than the folks who read America's Shittiest Website sans self-awareness.And, for Buy Nothing Day, I've got a great list of suggestions for things not to buy. Apparently, the Welfare Queens in the Corner aren't so tapped that they can't blow that seventy-five kay on $400 DVD sets, papal indulgences and full-price hardcovers they'd be able to fish out of remainder bin in January. Oh, and the Wall Street Journal for that lucky homeschooled sixth-grader. The dot-matrix illustration of John Fund is an outstanding visual aid for those Stranger Danger lessons.

The New Yorker needs to fact check its cartoons.

Roger's Reader Participation

The New York Post is reporting than Ann Coulter's jaw is broken and has been wired shut.

It would be irresponsible for you not to speculate what led to this series of unfortunate events.

Of course, every cloud has its silver lining:

DON'T consume alcohol. Perhaps you were thinking that you could cheat, but there is a reason they put this on your recovery form. On your all-liquid diet, alcohol is a quick ticket to dehydration and you'll feel the effect within minutes. It will also send you running to the nearest restroom (if you're lucky enough to find one nearby!).

When one orifice closes ....

Mister Mustache Rides Again

From The Corner:

"I confess I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy" [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Jack Bauer channelled John Bolton when dealing with that odious U.N. peacekeeper last night on 24: Redemption.

More 24 in January. Something to look forward to that month.

(Link edited for comedic effect, although the original is actually funnier)

The Rational Market

From the Financial Times:

Fox News Channel creator Roger Ailes renewed his contract with Rupert Murdoch's News Corp as a new US presidential administration brings a fresh opportunity for the cable news network to reclaim its heritage as America's alternative news source.

...

"Roger has done a remarkable job building Fox News into a force in journalism and built a great asset for News Corporation," Mr Murdoch said in a statement.

...

News Corp shares fell 11 per cent to $5.47 in New York yesterday.

Enlightenment From The World's Shittiest Editor at The World's Shittiest Website

Here are some classic koans from the world's shittiest failed nun?

What is the sound of one hand tossing:

Where Were We on Debate Night?!? [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

"Thank you, for being up on Election Night." So one high-powered Washington hand told me last night at a Federalist Society function. He's a Corner addict and he had suffered through some presidential-debate nights when he beloved Corner [sic] could not be reached.

Here's another riddle, posted about an hour before Lopez started yammering again:

Friday in Our Alternative-Reality America [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

I think everyone needs to take a week off. No more punditry. Just sleeping, reading, praying, normal living. I really want David Brooks to take the week off when he praises Eric Holder.

And my favorite:

Odd [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Mike Huckabee did the Rachel Maddow show on his book before Laura Ingraham's.

If you meet Lopez's brain cell, kill it.

Blogging Is Heroic. The Rest Is Commentary.

Warner Fred Flinstone, last seen undressing his G.I. Joe doll, is upset that he wasn't consulted on a matter of usage:

Yahoo News featured an interesting short report issued by Agence France-Presse on November 20. In it we discover that a consortium of French, German and Hungarian mathematicians are claiming to have proven that Einstein's famous equation, e=mc2, is correct. The report is all good except for one very small aspect. They call the effort of these mathematicians "heroic" in contradiction to the root meaning of the word. Mathematics isn't "heroic" and it is a degradation of true heroics to say it is.

Unfortunately, while a small thing too casually used in the AFP report, it proves a sort of degradation of our language. [Like that last sentence -- RA] Not only that, but it further devalues real heroism, making the word mean less with each garbled usage.

Flintstone goes on for eleven more paragraphs, whinging that the word heroic is losing value faster than your 401(K) because of its application to pussy eggheads. He sighs, ungrammatically, that "[m]edical missionaries in third world nations risking their own safety and health to save the lives of people that have no access to modern medicine is even heroic." To Warner's mind, such as it is, "hero" should be applied only soliders, firefighters and the well-worn residents of his toychest.

I'm guessing Warner failed first year algebra, and can't bear to think that something he can't even fantasize about doing correctly might be heroic.

Steele-Pelted Radicals

I wholeheartedly encourage the RNC to name Michael Steele as its next chair. He is, after all, the man who, during his failed Senate bid, allowed his supporters to claim he was pelted with cookies back in the day. The RNC badly needs more ineffectual and uninspiring victims to lead it even farther into the wilderness. And it's nice of the media to forget that little fairy tale until Steele gets the nod.

Just call him "Double Stuf."

Girlie-man Rich Lowry has a competitor for Sharia Plain's affections, and he better butch up or he might be seeing starbursts from a rival's well-placed uppercut.

I like Sarah Palin, and I've heartily enjoyed her arrival on the national stage. As a career classroom teacher, I can see how smart she is -- and quite frankly, I think the people who don't see it are the stupid ones, wrapped in the fuzzy mummy-gauze of their own worn-out partisan dogma. So she doesn't speak the King's English -- big whoop! There is a powerful clarity of consciousness in her eyes. She uses language with the jumps, breaks and rippling momentum of a be-bop saxophonist.

We need to encourage thinking like this among the Republicans.

We've Run Out Of Space On The Internet

The problem with the new media is the limitations of the medium. Just ask "Doctor" Helen Smith of Depends Media.

In her latest column, "Dr." Helen asks the big questions:

"Is there no creativity today among those who lean right? If so, where can you find it?"

Which raises the further question, "If not, who?"

The good "Doctor" then conducts an exhaustive search for right-wing culture, relying primarily on a list of people with nothing better to do than participate in poorly produced podcasts:

That point made, there are many good places to read or learn more about conservative culture. I will give my suggestions and turn the floor over to others who can widen this selection. Science fiction is a good place to start (though I am not a big fan, many people are!). Try Robert Heinlein's books if you have not already done so. Starship Troopers and The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress are good places to start. Or try Venor Vinge works such as Singularity and Rainbow's End. (Here’s an interview my husband and I did with him here.) Orson Scott Card's books also might be of interest to you; as a layperson when it comes to science fiction, I enjoyed interviewing him about Empire, a fascinating thriller set in 2008 that tells the story of what will happen if the political polarization in America continues to divide this country on the issues. In terms of music, try John Ondrasik's (Five for Fighting) albums. (You can listen to music clips and our interview with him here.) John writes pro-American songs that I find very beautiful and may or may not be your cup of tea. What about Firefly by Tim Minear, who talks here about his work? There is so much more that I do not have room for.

Oh, I think five is plenty, "Doctor." There's no way you just simply ran out of examples. And you don't want to hog the internet when writers like V.D. Hanson, Annie Jacobsen ("Terror In the Skies, Part Eighty-Nine Hundred") and Roger Kimball are starving for electronic space to express themselves.

And now that you've exhausted that topic, you can get back to writing about how all men are p-whipped and white men are always the victim.

Memo to Ron Rosenbaum

Nobody give a shit what bearded git Jeff Jarvis says or thinks or does. He's an irrelevant Michael Malone-ish tosser.

But if you're looking for impotent old old media bashers to bash, you might want to start with this general assembly of assholes.

Rosh On Fraud

Mary-John Rosh-Lott, Jnr. is concerned about phony results in the Minnesota Senate race.

To many, it just seems like too much of a coincidence that Minnesota's one tight race just happens to be the race with the most "corrected" votes by far. But the real travesty will be to start letting election officials divine voter's intent. If you want to discourage people from voting, election fraud is one sure way of doing it.

And if you want to discourage people from taking you seriously, research fraud is one sure way of doing it.

Mary-John, you may remember, is the man who conducted a telephone survey for one of his gun-nut books and then, when questioned, couldn't find any record of the survey data, the persons surveyed or the students who purportedly conducted the survey. Apparently a flood at his office destroyed his computer, his backup data, all of the students who performed the survey and his ability to lie convincingly.

Anyone who would let Mary-John within 500 miles of an ethical or legal issue, let alone one involving fraudlent polling results, is either dumber than a box of Katherine Harris or as dishonest as Fox News.

Du Toit Rockhead City

Via alicublog, I see that Kim du Toit, the Personification of the Right-Wing Male, has hit the wall:

Since the defeat of yesterday, many people have been asking Kim if he will reconsider his decision to stop blogging. We need a break, Kim especially.

...

He's blogged every day for over seven years through the agony of gout and the depression of not being able to contribute to our financial requirements, never missing a day, never failing to respond to email questions about what gun to buy, or requests to help learn to shoot when he was barely able to drive to meet up at the range. It's time for others to step up and allow Kim a chance to sit down.

I hate to kick a guy when he's sitting down. So I'll let this guy do it instead:

Well, I'm not going to quit. Fuck that. One of the characteristics of the non-pussified man (and this should strike fear into the hearts of women and girly-men everywhere) is that he never quits just because the odds seem overwhelming. Omaha Beach, guys.

As far as I can tell from Mrs. du Toit's poorly-written essay, the dTs have financed two lap-band surgeries, a "last hurrah around the world with our kids," a non-refundable vacation and three college tuitions (apparently at private colleges) with $500 month blogging income and a tapped-out IRA, and have wound up $60,000 in debt. Apparently posting photographs of guns and old movie stars isn't the road to riches it once was. But the dTs have got a sound strategy for success which should have them back in the black in no time.

I wish them all the luck in the world.

Update: Julia says it better.

Rearranging Dick Chairs On The Titanic

The Love Boat is making another run, and washed-up matinee idols from the 50s are still the favorite deck chair fillers:

The bad news from USS NR this morning: Both Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney turned down the RNC chair job when I offered it to each this morning. (Aren't you glad to know it's mine to give away?) The good news: Mike Steele seems to be a frontrunner in the hearts of the crowd here.

Yes, Lieut. Gov. Steele is the perfect candidate to implement the G.O.P.'s 15 state strategy.

The Kiss II: Kiss the Mitch

Interesting that Holy Joe lackey Marshall "Bullshit Moose" Wittman runs to The Corner to snivel on behalf of his boss:

Just got off the phone with a Lieberman aide, trying to get to the bottom of what's going to happen with Joe Lieberman now that the election is over. There's been a lot of speculation he'll be stripped of his committee assigments.

According to the aide, Lieberman's met with Harry Reid and discussions were very friendly. Reid wanted him to step down from his post as chairman of Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs in exchange for heading a lesser committee. Lieberman reminded Reid of how loyal he's been to the Democrats in myriad of ways despite the obvious disagreements, and indicated that would be unnacceptable. Reid made it clear he would prefer that Lieberman would remain in the Democratic caucus, and Lieberman agreed. Talks are ongoing.

The aide made it clear that the Daily News report that Lieberman "begged" to keep his committee chairmanship is simply not true.

Further, the aide also said that Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has also reached out to Lieberman. Though Lieberman would like to remain in the Democratic caucus, he's keeping his options open and nothing has been decided about his fate in the senate yet.

Wrong again, moosebreath. Joe the Traitor's fate has been decided. You're just waiting to learn what it is.

The Wasilla Hillbillies Strike Back

The wingnuts are starting their own Civil War, and fighting over who gets to be the Confederacy. But you'd think even the Hillbillies could choose a better leader than Oly Olafson of RedState.

You've got to love this cryptic threat/boast from Oly:

P.S. - Did I ever tell you how RedState was able to stock Gov. Palin's campaign plane with twenty of these?. We were glad to. And we were glad not to mention it at the time. We are rooting for Sarah Palin. Don't make us add you to our list. Do you really want to be next to Kathleen Parker in the leper colony?

Yumpin' Yimimy, Oly. You donated 20 friggin' coffee mugs to Sharia Plain's campaign. Anyone with such awesome power and influence is rightly to be feared.

It's not so much a circular firing squad as a circle jerk with shootin' irons.

Update: TBogg has already spotted Oly's mighty mug boast.

P.S. If I sent the Obama/Biden team a set of steak knives, could I call Joe Lieberman a V.D. sufferer?

Swimmin' Pools, Movie Stars

From Newsweek:

According to two knowledgeable sources, a vast majority of the clothes were bought by a wealthy donor, who was shocked when he got the bill. Palin also used low-level staffers to buy some of the clothes on their credit cards. The McCain campaign found out last week when the aides sought reimbursement. One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," and said the truth will eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.

A Palin aide said: "Governor Palin was not directing staffers to put anything on their personal credit cards, and anything that staffers put on their credit cards has been reimbursed, like an expense. Nasty and false accusations following a defeat say more about the person who made them than they do about Governor Palin."

McCain himself rarely spoke to Palin during the campaign, and aides kept him in the dark about the details of her spending on clothes because they were sure he would be offended. Palin asked to speak along with McCain at his Arizona concession speech Tuesday night, but campaign strategist Steve Schmidt vetoed the request.

It's going to take a lot more than that to rehabilitate yourself, Johnny Boy.

How 'bout that Bradley effect?

Deader than Liddy Dole's dessicated soul, I'd say.

Harry Reid's moment of truth:

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will likely meet later this week with Joe Lieberman to discuss whether the Democrat-turned-Independent will be stripped of his Senate committee chairmanship, a senior Democratic leadership aide tells CNN.

Lieberman currently chairs the Senate's Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee.

This aide says that Reid, who is calling the meeting, has not yet decided what to do.

Mr. Speaker, follow the advice of Colin Powell. Cut it off and kill it.

And then feed it to Marshall Wittman.

Change Is Not The Only Thing Coming

James Wolcott speculates about an Obama Boom:

I wonder how many babies are going to be created on this historic night, because it sounds awfully festive out on the Manhattan streets, as if a lot of happy people are going to get busy later to express their joy and perhaps wake up tomorrow morning in a spent daze, one of those Seth Rogen rom-com scenarios.

I suppose that's better than all those broken hips and emergency room treatments for chemically-induced priapism that would follow a McCain win.

In Case You Were Wondering

From August 5:

If voters approve a November ballot measure banning same-sex marriages in California, thousands of gay and lesbian weddings conducted since the state Supreme Court legalized the unions on May 15 will probably remain valid, Attorney General Jerry Brown said Monday.

The article says the issue will likely come up in the courts.

Biggest, Doughiest Pantload ... Ever

Now that McCain has lost, and Sarah Palin has time to reintroduce herself down the road, the anti-Palin conservatives will almost surely look foolish in retrospect.

Once a moron, always a moron. And that goes for Palin too.

Congratulations to Senator Ted Stevens

You truly are the future of the Republican Party.

Long Live The Revolution!

Long live the Socialist State!

Congratulations, Comrades Ayers, Wright and Khalidi. The streets of the wingnutosphere will run a pale brownish-green with tears and feces of neocons, fundies, phony Dems and libertarian putzes.

My Election Story

My polling place is three blocks from where I live. On the walk over, I saw four Obama/Biden signs. Unfortunately, two of the four were in the same yard as two Yes On 8 signs. I got to the polls at 6:56 a.m., and was eighth in line. I was the sixth voter to place my ballots in the machine. When I left there were about 20 voters in line. The number of voters was slightly up from 2004, when I voted at approximately the same time. No one was wearing campaign gear, and no one disclosed their votes on line. An eldery woman with a walker, but not a billy club, urged me and those in the queue to "Vote right," although she seemed too coherent to be a Republican. I neither wet my pants nor blogged hysterically about this outrageous vote tampering, which will certainly invalidate John McCain's claim of legitimacy, should he prevail.

Shorter Right-Wing Media and Blogosphere: We're All Ashley Todd Now

NO ON 8

The most fun you can have standing up, in a retirement home, with a felt tip marker and a flimsy plastic and aluminum stand.