Palin/Plumber '12

Some are incorrectly assuming that a Palin run for the Presidency in 2012 assumes a McCain loss next week. Not so. Starting in 2009, Vice President Palin can run against President McCain in the primaries without changing the tactics she's using now.

President McCain has met with our enemies and terrorists and is a socialist who's soft on baby killers, as his record in the past six months has shown. McCain and his presumptive second term veepee, Secretary of Defense Joe Lieberman, respond that they are disappointed to learn that Palin's an incompetent moron who's unready to lead. Palin secures the endorsement of Sam Wurzelbacher, who's outraged that McCain's policies have killed both his once thriving hypothetical business and the State of Israel. McCain tells party members he's not Palin, and Palin tells them she's not McCain. Both are the real outsider with a record of reforming the McCain Administration and battling the special interests to which their opponent persistently pander. Both are best equipped to the defeat the presumptive Democratic nominee, Mitt Romney. The candidates' chiefs of staff, John Hagee and Thomas Muthee, face off in a series of church hall debates hosted by Chief Justice Rick Warren.

The possibilities are endless.

Will Instacracker, who was all over Ashley Todd like white on false accusations against Obama supporters, cover this story involving two fellow gun enthusiasts from Tennesee?

A rant against the BATF is always a possibility, or maybe a meditation on anti-gun bias in the media.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Take His Hulk Tie And Shoelaces, He's Goin' Away

A corrupt Alaska Republican not named Palin makes the news today. The Duke Cunningham of the North is going to the federal pen:

The verdict was announced just after 4 p.m. in a packed courtroom in U.S. District Court in Washington. Stevens (R) sat quietly as the jury foreman said the panel had reached a unanimous decision and found Stevens guilty on all seven counts of filing false financial disclosure forms.

Jurors, who re-started their deliberations at 9:30 a.m. today when a juror was replaced by an alternate, were somber as they walked into the courtroom to deliver the verdict and did not look at Stevens. No sentencing date has been set, and Stevens's attorneys are expected to file motions seeking to have the verdict set aside.

Despite the guilty verdict, Stevens remains on the ballot in Alaska, where he is locked in a tight race with Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich.

...

Stevens was also accused of accepting other gifts, ranging from a $2,700 massage chair to a sled dog....

In the case of the chair, a friend testified he gave the Brookstone lounger to Stevens as a gift. But the senator sent him an e-mail at the time saying the chair was just a loan. Stevens asserted on the witness stand that the lounger was only a loan, even though it has been in his basement for seven years.

Seven years is a long time, as Senator Ted will soon find out. All that time just for acting like a typical Republican -- and getting caught.

How Can You Possibly Argue With Logic Like This?

Let's have a look at the evidence in question. First and foremost, the spring 1996 issue of New Party News, the leading publication of the New Party at the time, clearly claims that Barack Obama is a party member. If the New Party didn't actually have members, why would the chief party organ claim that it did? Again, logically, how can a political party exist without members?

Air-fuckin'-tight.

Katfight

Katty Parker wrote a column accusing Republicans who support Palin -- beginning with John McCain -- of thinking with their cocks. (Which would make their cocks as stupid as the rest of them.)

Katty J. Lopez raises her head from her Purina Editor Chow and hisses:

Because I know some of you are understandably and sensibly wondering WHY?: We're running our roster of syndicated columns through the election. Period. So that's why we published one today that is embarrassing and outrageous.

All this fight lacks for a happy ending a burlap sack and a river.

Dream On

Steve Benen:

There's been an ongoing "debate" (I use the word loosely) of late about Drudge's influence, and the [Ashley] Todd fiasco is likely to do some lasting harm to his credibility and judgment. It's about time.

About time? Remember Alexandra Polier? About time is a distant memory.

Eggs Drudge has no credibility, and he never has. His judgment isn't any worse than it always was. And he will continue "ruling [their] world" (to quote Halperin and Harris) because Drudge's influential groupies don't care a whit about accuracy or integrity or fairness. All they care about is the friction.

E! False Hollywood Story

Sideshow Bob is feeling put-upon:

"Are you kidding me? Of course it's true," Kelsey Grammer said when asked whether the town is hostile to conservatives. "I wish Hollywood was a two-party town, but it's not."

Grammer said he knows of a makeup trailer that sported a sign warning Republicans to keep out and of U.S. war veterans who keep their backgrounds a secret from their Hollywood co-workers because they hear them belittle the military.

He even said that, earlier in his career, his job was threatened by a prominent sitcom director who demanded he donate money to Barbara Boxer's U.S. Senate campaign. To keep his job, he gave $10,000 to Boxer and the Democrats.

Nowadays, Grammer is a bankable actor who is unafraid to speak his mind. His advice to less established industry players, though, is to shut up about politics -- "unless you think the way you are supposed to think," and that means liberal.

Interesting. Because back in 1992, an individual contributions of $10K to federal candidate were illegal. According to Newsmeat, Grammer only gave one thousand to Boxer's Senate run, on October 20, 1992. Big difference. Well, maybe the reporter got it wrong. Or maybe Grammer had a coke dealer named Boxer for Senate.

More interesting is the fact that ol' Kelse wrote the check during the last season of Cheers, just months before filming started on his own spin-off series, Frasier. Are we to believe that the unnamed teevee director had such pull he could get Grammer canned midway through filming of the last season of one of the most popular shows then airing, three years after Grammer had a deal with Paramount to star in his own television program, and while he was working with the three executive producers of Cheers to create the spin-off? For a one K contribution? I strongly suggest Sideshow Bob will never name that nefarious director, bankable though he may now be.

Kids, don't do drugs. They turn you into a Republican and a victim of your own imagination.

(Link found via Pandagon)

We All Scream For Mickey Kaus Making An Ass of HImself

How big of a moron do you have to be to be a friend of Mickey Kaus? At least as moronic as Kaus himself. The slaphead midget reproduces a tearful e-missive from one of his non-imaginary friends, which reads as follows:

OK. So depressed about this election that I had to go to Baskin-Robbins and just buy a pint of ice cream and some caramel cones for [my son].
And of course, of course, I get there trying to drown my sorrows, and the flavor of the month is
"Whirl of Change."
"Whirl of Change" with a little Democratic donkey sign.
It's like peanut nougat ice cream with chunks of chocolate enrobed in more chocolate.
And I think it's also some kind of horrific multiracial metaphor.
But anyway so "Whirl of Change." Flavor of the month at Baskin Robbins.

Boo frickin' hoo! Hearing this news, Kaus can't help but prance through a puddle of his own pretend victimhood. He whines, "Baskin-Robbins is doing its part!"

Sorry to ruin the pity party, Mickey, but you can go down to your local B-R parlor and suck on the "Straight Talk Express" until you're as blue in the face as a U.S. map come November 4.

In frozen confections, as in real life, Kaus is the biggest loser.

Update: (10/24): Kaus has now added the link to the Baskin-Robbins site as "Background," without noting that he made the change 4 or 5 days after the original post. Maybe he reads this site.

The link, of course, undermines the paranoid point of Kaus's post, which was that Baskin-Robbins was shoving Barry X into the faces of poor persecuted Republicans, who can't even enjoy a cone without facing pro-Democratic propaganda. Kaus's fellow right-winger has such a persecution complex he didn't notice that the company offered flavors for both candidates, which anyone with a two-digit i.q. could have guessed. His little pal's next e-mail will claim the soda jerk carved an X into his forehead with one of those little wooden spoons.

In any event, the real outrage here is the lack of treats honoring Bob Barr (a cafe au lait fudgesicle covered in whipped cream and fruit loops), Cynthia McKinney (mint chocolate chip) and Ralph Nader (something made of hummus and mohair).

Jammy Dodgers

Perpetual failed magazine intern Jammy Kirchick writes:

A not insignificant portion of liberals in this country believe that a small group of Jews, er, the "neocons," took control of the government following 9/11 to fight wars on behalf of Israel. Is not this slander as odious as the Internet rumors about Barack Obama?

Why, yes it is, Jammy. It's nice to see you admit you're a right-wing smear merchant.

No liberal believes that Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condi, McCain et al. are Jews, and no liberal believes that those folks took control of the government following 9/11. They, and their war plans, were firmly in place before September 2001.

The existence of a few second-tier suck-ups in the Administration and some two-bit think tank wankers who sought to tie the Administration's delusions of conquest to the support of Israel doesn't make liberals conspiracy theorists or anti-semites.

It's telling that the only member of the "significant portion" of American leftists Jammy can name is the non-liberal (and Jewish) Joe Klein, who I won't bother to defend except to point out that he didn't espouse the beliefs Jammy attributes to the left. Jammy then cites a bunch of leftys who purportedly use "Nazi allegories to describe people and policies they don't like," which is hardly the m.o. of rabid anti-semites. Pick a smear and then stick with it, Jammy!

BoBo Brooks was discredited for publishing the same slander that Jammy now spouts, and BoBo was forced to eat his words. Perhaps Jammy's angling for a spot on the NYT editorial page come November, after MoDo and BoBo are institutionalized for "exhaustion."

No On 4 and 8

I may be preaching to an ever-diminishing choir of Californians who bother to check this site to see if I've posted anything in the last four days, but I hope you choristers will vote No on Proposition 8. Do you really want to live in the type of hellhole that makes Massachusetts and Connecticut look bastions of reason and tolerance?

Also deserving of a "No" vote is the much less well-known Proposition 4, which will restrict abortion rights in another big government power grab perpetrated by a bunch of dishonest right-wing scumbags who have no concern for the rights or safety of women.

My friends, the presidential election isn't the end of the fight; it's just the beginning. The landscape is littered with wingnuts and they must all be sent back to the rocks whence they crawled out.

Shorter Third Presidential Debate

What Part Of Choice, Rights and Freedom Don't You Understand?

Lisa Schiffren is a demented freak. From The Corner:

Teenagers Acting Better Than Their Elders [Lisa Schiffren]

I was going to e-mail this story about a town in Texas where the high-school kids voted a classmate with Down Syndrome homecoming queen to all of the people I know who have expressed horror or contempt for Sarah Palin for not aborting Trig. But that would have taken too long. ...

What Schiffren is saying is that she is personally acquainted with, and knows the e-mail addresses of, innumerable people who have expressed contempt for Palin for not having an abortion.

What she means to say is that the view she attributes to those innumerable people is a prevalent view.

What she means to insinuate is that the view she attributes to innumerable people is a prevalent view among those who support abortion rights, or among liberals.

The composition and accuracy of the post both explain why Schiffren was a speechwriter for Dan Quayle.

Defining Leadership Down

This morning on MSNBC, Andrea Mitchell described McCain's refusal to agree with his supporter that Senator Obama is an Arab an act of leadership.

I hear she also believes that Alan Greenspan is well-hung.

Sean Hannity and the Martinettes

Here's some unsurprising news about Sean Hannity's friend and source, Andy Martin:

A motion he filed in a 1983 bankruptcy case called the judge "a crooked, slimy Jew who has a history of lying and thieving common to members of his race."

In another motion, filed in 1983, Mr. Martin wrote, "I am able to understand how the Holocaust took place, and with every passing day feel less and less sorry that it did."

In an interview, Mr. Martin denied some statements against Jews attributed to him in court papers, blaming malicious judges for inserting them.

But in his "48 Hours" interview in 1993, he affirmed a different anti-Semitic part of the affidavit that included the line about the Holocaust, saying, "The record speaks for itself."

When asked Friday about an assertion in his court papers that "Jews, historically and in daily living, act through clans and in wolf pack syndrome," he said, "That one sort of rings a bell."

We all know exactly what Hannity is, but some people choose to look the other way. Take, for instance, Joe Lieberman, who continues to pal around with Hannity even after it was revealed that Hannity vouches for anti-Semitic lunatics.

Give The Barone His Bottle

The latest Republican pantywaist to squeal like a castrated pig is Michael Barone, who, according to urban legend was once inexplicably respected for something. Here's the latest snivel-fest, in which Barone channels the corpse of John Leo:

Actually, Obama supporters are doing a lot more than getting into people's faces. They seem determined to shut people up.

That's what Obama supporters, alerted by campaign emails, did when conservative Stanley Kurtz appeared on Milt Rosenberg's WGN radio program in Chicago. Kurtz had been researching Obama's relationship with unrepentant Weather Underground terrorist William Ayers in Chicago Annenberg Challenge papers in the Richard J. Daley Library in Chicago — papers that were closed off to him for some days, apparently at the behest of Obama supporters.

Obama fans jammed WGN's phone lines and sent in hundreds of protest emails. The message was clear to anyone who would follow Rosenberg's example. We will make trouble for you if you let anyone make the case against The One.

Those nasty, nasty Obama supporters, shutting people up by calling in to radio call-in programs and sending electronic mail messages. Such thuggery!

I'm certain that if I asked nicely, Barone's enablers, FOX News and U.S. News & World Report, would give me all the time and space I wanted to make rebut their fairy tales of the Thug Obama.

God, these Pukes are weak as water.

Dear Chris Buckley

You might want to stay away from the railings on that National Review post-election cruise. You've got a small child to not raise, after all.

Regards, Roger

Moosestepping

It's official. Sharia Plain treats the Alaska State Police as her own personal Moosetapo, existing solely to eliminate enemies of the Supreme Leader.

Or should I say, her own personal Todd-ler Youth?

Perhaps now the SCLM will cease its portrayal of Sharia is inarticulate but virtuous, and start reporting that she, like Bush, is both stupid and evil.

Shite Said Fred

Fred Barnes is cheesed off that last night's "town hall" "debate" didn't make time for any LaRouchies or Bible-humpers:

The candidates were queried on a narrow range of foreign, economic, health care, and environmental issues -- the stuff they talk about every day at rallies and fundraisers. These didn't come close to what voters at a real town hall meeting might have asked. There was no mention of abortion, immigration, moral values, same sex marriage, guns, their role models, their view of the presidency, or their religious faith.

There's just no pleasing our Freddy. Here's what he said about the Republican "You Tube" debate some 10 months ago:

But it was chiefly the questions and who asked them that made the debate so appalling. By my recollection, there were no questions on health care, the economy, trade, the S-chip children's health care issue, the "surge" in Iraq, the spending showdown between President Bush and Congress, terrorist surveillance, or the performance of the Democratic Congress.

For those keeping score, that would be a narrow range of foreign, economic and health care issues.

But wait, there's more. Back then, Fred bitched that

By my count, of the 30-plus questions, there were 6 on immigration, 3 on guns, 2 on abortion, 2 on gays, and one on whether the candidates believe every word in the Bible. These are exactly the issues, in the view of liberals and many in the media, on which Republicans look particularly unattractive.

That would be your abortion, your immigration, your moral values, your same sex marriage, your guns and your religious faith.

Barnes' real complaint, of course, is that the voters have rejected McCain/Palin on the economy, foreign policy, health care and the environment, and that the Republican ticket's only hope in hell is to demagogue "moral values" and pander to rabid-right fundies like Barnes himself. As we can see, however, had the debate focused on social issues, Barnes would wail that the proceedings were intended to make McCain look particularly unnattractive.

Barnes doesn't really care what the questions are. The only things he cares about are keeping the Republicans in power and keeping his Republican paychecks rolling in.

Point of Personal Privilege

Could everyone please stop saying game changer?

That phrase is working my last nerve like people who use the phrase working my last nerve.

Thank you for your consideration.

Diebold Goes To The Movies

Sadly, No! has uncovered the most disturbing election fraud since Baskin-Robbins made John McCain spumoni in its Elect Your Flavorite straw poll. But the victim is fighting back:

We have had heard from numerous people across the country that there has been some ticket fraud when buying a ticket for An American Carol this past weekend.

Please check your ticket. If you were in fact one of those people that were "mistakenly" sold a ticket for another movie please fill out the form below. Hold on to your ticket so we can have proof.

If you have noticed other irregularities with the theatres in your area please let us know in the comment section below. For instance, Rated R film rating (when in fact we are rated PG-13), posters not being up, not being listed on the marquee, image or focus problems, sound issues, etc.

Please email us a picture of your ticket stub to fraud@americancarol.com

We are investigating.

I urge every good American to submit his or her personal horror story to the filmmakers, who are investigating. Your ticket to any other movie is the proof that's needed to blow this thing wide open! Your $9.50 is gone -- don't let them take our democracy as well.

Track Marks

Marty Peretz and Margo Howard are asserting that Track Palin was given the choice between military service or jail for dealing drugs. Howie Kurtz is certain that the story that Track is a drug abuser is totally bogus. Of course, both, or neither, could be true.

Perhaps someone will ask Howie in his little chit-chat today.

Shorter Rich Lowry

"I just threw up a little bit in my pants."

Michael Berube has a fun post on the worst cover song ever. I have nothing to add to it.

An Even Bigger Hack Named Kurtz

I suspect the real reason Stanley Kurtz's various paranoid fantasies about Barry X aren't getting any traction is that ol' Stan sounds like a soccer mom. I heard him on an XM Radio broadcast of Fox News, being interviewed by Steve Douchie about Senator Obama's purported ties to ACORN (which is solely responsible for the New Great Depression!), and he sounded like a constipated and terminally offended middle-aged white woman, whinging on about some people from her church she couldn't stand.

And Kurtz's delusion that the media isn't covering his delusions is laughable, given the amount of time and space he's been given on/in every Rupert Murdoch outlet (the WSJ, Fox News and the New York Post) that wouldn't require him to pose with his tits out.

Update (10/5): A reader with perfect pitch passes on this suggestion for Stanley's sound-a-like. Well spotted!

Winners and Losers

The clear loser of last night's debate was John McCain. The event was a 90-minute demonstration that McCain is unfit to be President.

The clear winner was the American people of 33 days into the future. Except for those living in Alaska, who are just screwed.

White Social Pathology

Why do the leaders of the White community refuse to confront the social pathologies that harm their children?

"The father is notably absent from the minor child's life," despite the mom's efforts to try to get him involved, the suit says.

"As Jonathan gets older, he requires love, attention and a notable involvement in his life from his father," the suit says.

"It is in Jonathan's best interest and welfare for this court to impose a contact and access schedule on the father, so that Jonathan can establish a relationship with his father and extended paternal family."

Couldn't the father at least take Jonathan on a nice cruise, to meet his Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Mitt?

Black Hole Sun

That's what the investors said.

Hang my head
Drown my fear
'Til you all just
Disappear

But don't worry. Seth Lipsky has already found a new gig as the Viagra wrangler for Pajamas Media. It's demeaning, entry-level work of questionable legality, but someone's got to do it.

Defining Stupidity Down

If I was asked to pretend to be a wingnut and then asked what Supreme Court decision I disagreed with, I could foam at the mouth extemporaneously about Kelo v. New London or Lawrence v. Texas or Hamdam v. Rumsfeld or Regents v. Bakke. In my sleep.

Couric's questions to Sharia P. weren't softballs, they were friggin' Academy Award gift baskets.

By the way, the correct answer to the question is Bush v. Gore.

I just remembered I have a blog

I've been busy prepping Governor Palin for Thursday's debate, so I haven't had time to post. But I got an interesting e-mail from genuine anonymous member of the EMESSEM that I thought I'd share with you. The reader has kindly given permission to post this, without his name:

My name is [name withheld], owner and associate partner Eric Erickson Associates, a law firm located in Scotland.

I have a legitimate contract job offer for you, i want to know if you will like to help my client invest in your country and get paid for your services
without leaving or affecting your present job?

I represent Pojamarn Shinawatra , the wife of ousted Thailand Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra here in after shall be referred to as my client and it is on
her instruction that i am doing all that i am doing now.

We are looking for a foreign individual or a corporate body that can profitably invest $150M on real estates outside Asia.

Most importantly, you will be required to invest these funds on real estates preferably in your country of residence outside of Hong Kong.

My client is generously willing to pay you 10% of the contract sum for your partnership role and services rendered in this investment business transaction.

Trust me; this is once in a life time opportunity i bet you can't afford to miss.

If you prefer to be re-contacted for more express information, write back promptly i look forward to it.

I expect your correspondence as my response with more information on this investment proposal will be swift.

This confirms everything I suspected about the EMESSEM.