Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Select Meets Dreck

Starting next week, the New York Times' "influential" op-ed columnists will only be available online to those who subscribe to TimesSelect for a $49.95 annual fee. (They should combine forces with BSafe.com for a package deal -- "keep teen masturbators off your computer and Nick Kristof on your computer for only $99.90 a year.")

It will be tough getting through the day without access to thought-provoking masterpieces like this:

I'm not suggesting that Mr. Roberts is a liar, or that anything the Democrats ask today could stop him from being confirmed. But they might at least keep TV viewers awake by trying questions like these: ....

Would you think it's cool if a professional wrestler dubbed himself Chief Justice, or would you sue him for trademark infringement?

...

When you were a clerk at the Supreme Court, Chief Justice Warren Burger was disliked for his pretentiousness. What nickname did the clerks have for him? Burger King?

...

Ashley or Mary-Kate?

If people pay for drivel like that, I might have to suss out a way to make money off my own drivel.

No more trips to Red Lobster with Bobo. No more fathead flat-earth metaphors from Tom Friedman. No more tours of Third World brothels with the Great White Pistof. No more glowing references to Tierney's neo-Klan pals. I already don't miss it.

Another Clownhaller uses her column to pimp for a Clownhall advertiser:

If you have Internet access, get a filter. According to a study by the London School of Economics, nine out of 10 children ages eight to 16 who go online have viewed porn Web sites, usually while looking up information for homework assignments. Why make your kids vulnerable to perverts? Downloading a filter takes only a few keystrokes. My family uses the awesome filter from Bsafe.com. For about $50 a year, my children are protected 24/7 from online smut. The filter has a pass-code override for parents in case a site is mistakenly blocked, and users receive a weekly e-mail listing sites folks attempted to visit while in your home. (Sadly, I found the Bsafe.com report particularly useful after a teenaged visitor spent a few days with our family this summer. It revealed that he had tried several times to visit hard-core porn sites late at night. I'll be visiting the mother of this boy soon and have the difficult task of telling her what her son is up to.)

Or, even better, I'll write a column about it, and save myself the trip.

Shorter Dennis Prager: "I can't be full of shit; I've got a dick."

Monday, September 12, 2005

Clownhall or Klanhall?

Featured at Clownhall.com: The tolerant musings of one "Doctor" Jennifer Roback Morse, a Senior Fellow in Economics at the Acton Institute for the Study of Religion and Liberty and a Part-Time Research Fellow at the Hoover Institution:

It is time to say that this is wrong. It is wrong for parents to discard or abandon one another. You can mix and match your racial or gender stereotypes. As far as I'm concerned, it is just as wrong for a rich white guy to think himself cool for having a new series of kids by a new younger woman, as it is for a ghetto thug. It is just as wrong for a rich white woman to use a sperm donor, because she doesn't want to be bothered with a relationship with a man, as it is for a poor black woman to kick her child's father out of the house so she can collect welfare. Neither sex has a monopoly on virtue; no race has a monopoly on vice.

White people are self-centered; African-Americans are thugs and parasites. How egalitarian.

No contributor to Clownhall has a monopoly on bigotry; they're all racist idiots.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Chris Schenkel: 1923-2005

Rest in peace.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

(Warning: The following post is extremely juvenile.)

Hello. Do You Have Prince Albert In A Can?

No, he only comes in a condom.

Or not.

"Midway through the official yearlong mourning period for his father, just as [Prince Albert of Monaco] the bachelor prince was trying to assimilate his new responsibilities and project the gravitas expected of him as a ruler, a former flight attendant announced with rather graphic detail in Paris-Match that she and Prince Albert had conceived a son, Alexandre, who was born two years ago.

"'It was a very difficult moment for me,' he said with characteristic understatement, adding that he is still 'coming to terms' with the unintended fatherhood. When asked if he believed he was tricked into having a child, as the mother's account suggested, he was unflinching. 'Yes, I think I was set up,' he said." (link)

Let me get out the world's second smallest violin for the poor prince.

The potentate asserts that young Alexandre will never ascend to the throne of Monaco, but he may try to get him a job at Albertson's.

Frivolous Lawsuit Dismissed

Slightly old news, but I missed it.

Someone once suggested it was wrong to bear false witness against one's neighbors. In response, Stephen Williams, the "Alliance Defense Fund" and Sean Hannity, among others, said fuck that shit.

You may recall that Williams, a Christian fundamentalist, sued the Cupertino Unified School District after he was forbidden to teach students fraudulent versions of history and religion designed to prostylize them. Sean Hannity rolled into town and led a crusade against the District based on Williams' lies, and Williams' principal was harassed by right-wing thugs.

In August, the suit was dismissed, Williams has resigned in disgrace, and Williams and his attorney were forced to execute an agreement acknowledging that Williams' claims against the District had no merit. The Left Coaster has all the glorious details.

(The local paper, the San Jose Mercury-News has the same here and here, but with incredibly annoying registration required.)

It's good to see thugs lose.

For those who missed the story in the So-Called Liberal Media, that's because the dismissal got almost no coverage outside California -- except for a blatantly dishonest article on a Focus on the Family website claiming victory for the thugs.

Pacification Continues Successfully in Iraq

Good News From Mississippi

The President Takes Action

Friday, September 09, 2005

Fucking Moron 2.0

Bearded git Jeff Jarvis says that the 9/11 Commission is at fault for the failed Bush Administration response to Hurricane Katrina. No, really.

The 9/11 Commission bears some responsibility for the disaster that American disaster relief has become.... [Para.] But there was no deliberation after the commission issues its report and browbeat Washington into doing what they said. So Washington did. And FEMA is a mess. And New Orleans is a mess.

And here's his proof:

I've been trying to find how exactly FEMA's reorganization plan came: Were the details laid out by the commission or by Congress? Doesn't matter, really.

The intellectual rigor of the argument astounds.

Bearded Git 2.0 might want to use the internet he's always prattling on about to school his sorry ass:

But then, as former counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke explained in his recent book Against all Enemies, "the White House legislative affairs office began to take a head count on Capitol Hill." Realizing that the Lieberman Bill would likely pass both houses of Congress, with no credit given to the White House, in June 2002 the administration changed its tune, calling for a new Department of Homeland Security (DHS) that would be even larger than the one Lieberman had proposed.

Under the administration's plan, 22 government agencies, FEMA among them, would be merged into the DHS. Analysts in and out of government warned against subsuming the emergency agency's vital functions in a new super-department. "There are concerns of FEMA losing its identity as an agency that is quick to respond to all hazards and disasters," the agency's inspector general noted in a memo to Allbaugh. Congress' Government Accountability Office judged the merger to be a "high-risk" endeavor for FEMA, and the Brookings Institution, a leading Washington think-tank, cautioned in a report that such a move could hobble the agency's natural disaster programs. "While a merged FEMA might become highly adept at preparing for and responding to terrorism, it would likely become less effective in performing its current mission in case of natural disasters as time, effort and attention are inevitably diverted to other tasks within the larger organization."

But Bush's proposal won out, and a shift in priorities from natural disasters to counter-terrorism immediately took hold. In its 2002 budget, the White House doubled FEMA's budget to $6.6 billion, but of that sum, $3.5 billion was earmarked for equipment and training to help states and localities respond to terrorist attacks.

Michael Brown, a college friend of Allbaugh's who had served as FEMA's general counsel, was recruited to head the agency, which would now be part of the DHS's Emergency and Response Directorate. When the reorganization took effect on March 1, 2003, Brown assured skeptics that under the new arrangement, the country would be served by "FEMA on steroids"--a faster, more effective disaster agency.

The reorganization took effect March 1, 2003. The 9/11 Commission Report was issued in July 2004.

But! But! What about the 9/11 Commission? It's their fault! It is! It is! It is!

And this tossbag is "conven[ing] a meeting to bring together the best of the web -- software, hardware, infrastructure, media, money -- to start to gather around needs and solutions" for future disasters. Give it up, Jarvis. Your credibility and relevance are beyond recovery.

Stay tuned for future Jarvis installments: (1) The Old Media, which is dead and just doesn't know it, is to blame for the death of every American in the past month. And they know it; (2) Kofi Annan was raping women in the Superdome; (3) The people who named those Iraqi brothers weeks after I did have the blood of Katrina's victims on their hands too.

Update: Paragraph after large block quote edited for clarity.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Michael Brown's next job, in a just world:

The report did not explain where the tiger urine had come from or how it was collected.

Hmmm... Tastes like chicken piss.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hey, Goldberg and Derbyshire. I got your looter right here:

The Missouri attorney general, Jay Nixon, filed a lawsuit this afternoon against InternetDonations.org, the hub for a constellation of Web sites erected over the last several days purporting to collect donations for victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Also named in the lawsuit, Mr. Nixon said, is the apparent operator of the donation sites, Frank Weltner, a St. Louis resident and radio talk show personality with ties to neo-Nazi organizations and the notorious Web site JewWatch.com.

The Missouri lawsuit seeks to freeze the assets of Internet Donations Inc., a nonprofit entity registered with the Missouri secretary of state's office by Mr. Weltner on Sept. 2, and to shut down the dozen or so Web sites with names like KatrinaFamilies.com, Katrina-Donations.com and NewOrleansCharities.com. Those sites appear to have been hastily registered and mounted since Hurricane Katrina devastated large swaths of Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi last week.

If you look at this prick's own website (no link), he is in fact raising money for victims of Katrina. Certain victims.

To hell with the lawsuit, drop this man headfirst into Lake Pontchartrain.

Update: I am moving this to the top because the sites are still active. It would be a tragedy if this ass got one cent. It wouldn't be a tragedy if something somehow happened to all of his sites.

Family Man

Serial predator A. Schwarzenegger protects the sanctity of marriage:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Wednesday that he will veto a bill that would allow gay marriages in California.

Schwarzenegger said the legislation, given final approval Tuesday by lawmakers, would conflict with the intent of voters when they approved a ballot initiative five years ago. Proposition 22 prevents California from recognizing same-sex marriages performed in other states or countries.

Well, Prop. 22 was a law enacted through the proposition process. And, since then, the voters elected legislators to enact laws. So the Assembly bill is the will of the voters.

"We cannot have a system where the people vote and the Legislature derails that vote," the governor's press secretary, Margita Thompson, said in a statement. "Out of respect for the will of the people, the governor will veto (the bill)."

If the Predator respected the will of the people, he'd vacate his sorry ass from the Governor's office. Although it will be more fun to see him vacate involuntarily.

Ode to Mountjoy

You are an asshole.

But opponents, including conservative Republicans, have argued that the law must be stopped in the nation's most populous state because it constitutes another assault on the sanctity of the family. Californians passed a defense-of-marriage act defining marriage as between a man and a woman in 2000, and the state, which mixes freewheeling Marin County with culturally conservative Orange County, has emerged as a front line in the battle over the bedroom ever since.

"Marriage should be between a man and a woman, end of story. Next issue," insisted Assemblyman Dennis Mountjoy (R-Monrovia). "It's not about civil rights or personal rights, it's about acceptance. They want to be accepted as normal. They are not normal." -- Washington Post, September 7, 2005

Here's an excerpt from Dennis's bio:

Dennis has two grown children, Tammy and Nicholas, and one grandchild, Diego. He is a member of the California Republican Assembly and the Lincoln Club. He is an avid golfer. His hobbies include fishing and hunting.

Notice anything?

Jonah Goldberg, Second Generation Racist

When you see a headline like this from the Doughy Pantload

In Katrina's aftermath, racial generalizations aren't helpful

you might think Goldberg was going to castigate his racist pal John Derbyshire for seconding the racist comments of John Tierney's racist pal, Steve Sailer. (Derbyshire's comment is quoted here.)

You might think that if you knew nothing about Jonah Goldberg, the son of a proprietor of an internet bulletin board for racists.

You might think it if you didn't read Goldberg's article, which engages in racist generalizations Goldberg at which he pretends to take offense. The Pantload writes:

The danger here is real. Tens of thousands of black New Orleaneans persevered with dignity and sacrifice in the face of Katrina. But a sizable minority of blacks - including police - behaved reprehensibly in the aftermath, shooting at rescue workers, raping, killing and, yes, looting (though no cannibalism).

Does the Pantload have any proof that any African-Americans shot at rescue workers, raped and killed people "in the aftermath?" Does he have any proof that a sizeable minority of African-Americans shot at rescue workers, raped and killed people? Does he have any proof that any -- or a sizeable minority -- of African-American police officers shot at rescue workers, killed and raped people? Because he unequivocally makes every one of those assertions. Perhaps he confused the facts with a particularly violent episode of Star Trek.

Goldberg is a racist, pure and simple.

Monday, September 05, 2005

And The Bigots Played On

Rebecca Hagelin asks why the poor don't have the courtesy to shut up and drown, like the underclass passengers in steerage on the Titanic did.

Hagelin can't help but think -- if you can call it that -- "that if the tragic natural disaster in New Orleans had occurred in a culture that had daily practiced the Golden Rule, rather than the Gangsta Rot, we would have seen more scenes of neighbors helping neighbors and far fewer scenes of neighbors preying upon neighbors." That never would have happened on the Titanic, Hagelin huffs:

The harsh reality that dreadful day in 1912 is that most of the passengers would die, and they knew it. Yet, amid the panic and impending doom, the accounts of survivors remind us of a time when civility and honor were more important to many than survival itself.

So how is that in fewer than 100 years we have digressed to [sic] a society where, when disaster strikes, the story is marked by a display of the worst side of human nature rather than the best?

How is it? Perhaps because you and your story are full of shit, that's how.

On the Titanic:

The orders, if they came at all, were sent down to the lower decks after most of the lifeboats with less than capacity had left. By that time and the fate of these people were sealed. They were basically left to shift for themselves. Some managed to save themselves, but most just milled around helplessly about in their quarters-ignored, neglected, forgotten.

There were some Third Class passengers that did not wait for White Star personnel to escort them. They struck out on their own and faced many locked entry ways and gates. The myriad of hallways and stairs in Titanic made the trip from steerage to the boat deck an almost insurmountable challenge. Any entrance through First Class was met with locked doors or a White Star crew member that refused entrance. Some of the more resourceful third class passengers crawled along the crane from the well deck aft while others climbed vertical ladders to escape the well deck forward.

Sound familiar, Becky?

And why not compare Katrina with history which is quite a bit more relevant, by the way? No gangsta rap in 1927 either.

I know this part of the Titanic story will ring a bell for you:

With this lost world went some of its prejudices-especially a firm and loudly voiced opinion of the superiority of Anglo-Saxon courage. All the brave and heroic passengers were white, English speaking people. While the ones that mobbed the lifeboats and pushed women and children out of the way were "Armenians", "Italian", or just "foreigners." Even when Harold Bride in his testimony, told about the man that broke into the radio room and tried to steal his life jacket, some newspapers made the man "Negro" for better effect. (Just as a sidelight, there were no African-Americans on board the Titanic.)

Sadly, those prejudices, and those loudly voiced opinions, haven't gone at all. They've just digressed to Townhall.com.

Ad Nags

Some revisionist history in the NYT:

Mr. Clinton has been engaged in a campaign to establish himself as a respected force in American life after a rather messy departure from the White House, using his foundation for prominent work in the fight against AIDS in Africa.

The only thing messy about President Clinton's departure from the White House was the debacle known as Electiontheft 2000. Clinton played no role in that. And, of course, the impeachment farce was concluded before the President completed his second term.

Oh, wait. Maybe Ad Nags is talking about the fictitious trashing of the White House. Or maybe Marc Rich, the rich man's Cap Weinberger and Eliott Abrams (or the poor man's George H.W. Bush).

Clinton was always respected by many and hated, virulently, by a prominent many in the SCLM. Which brings us back to Nagourney.

[Clinton] is also trying to be less polarizing than he was when he left the White House, an effort to become less of a political weight if, as expected, Mrs. Clinton runs for president, friends said. The presence of Mr. Clinton next to Mr. Bush will make it that much harder, some Democrats said, for Republicans to attack the Clintons.

What? Lanny Davis and Dick Morris didn't want to see their names in the paper? There's a first time for everything.

Or is Nags talking about his friends, like Jodi Wilogren and Judith Fucking-Miller?

And there is nothing which will make it harder for Republicans to attack the Clintons, which Nags knows as well as he knows his speed dial number for Karl Rove.

Lie and Order

Harry Shearer has been blogging with a skeptical eye about all the rumors of looting, assault, shooting at aircraft, desertion and general lawlessness in New Orleans. Not to say that such things haven't happened, just that they often get reported when there's no credible proof or particulars.

It's a welcome antidote to people like Kaus, who never met an anecdote reflecting poorly on African-Americans he didn't link to -- along with an accusation that "network TV" is covering up such purported uncontrolled group savagery.

Of course, Shearer is actually speaking with people on the ground and monitoring local television stations and the print press. But that shouldn't deter Kaus -- they're all in on the conspiracy too. He knows they're all out to make him look bad.

Shelter From The Storm

In this time of national crisis, a lot of people have been asking, "Where's Dick Cheney?" Well, he's been engaged in finding shelter for people:

ST. MICHAELS, Md. -- They've grown used to having a secretary of defense in their midst -- the way his weekend estate is tucked behind a bend in the road, how he takes casual walks tailed by dark SUVs. Now, residents of this Eastern Shore retreat are preparing for someone even bigger to buy a house down the road: the vice president.

"I'd heard it was going to close either Tuesday or Wednesday of this week," Carroll Hurley, a funeral home owner, said Saturday, seated with his breakfast gang at the Carpenter Street saloon and restaurant.

...

Whether it's true -- that Dick and Lynne Cheney are buying an estate here -- could not be confirmed. Those closest to the deal -- Cheney's office, the purported sellers, the listing agent -- aren't talking. Hurley admits he's not certain: "All I have is hearsay. It wouldn't stand up in court."

Still, a nosy visit here leaves a person with one of two possibilities: Either the Cheneys are coming or a lot of people have bad information. Police Chief Ed Henry -- who breakfasted along with Hurley -- even referred to the lot in question as "Cheney's house."

The house, listed at $2.9 million, backs up in spectacular fashion to an inlet of the Chesapeake Bay. "Right out by [Defense Secretary Donald H.] Rumsfeld's," said Charles Mangold Sr., whose Benson & Mangold agency brokers high-end estates in the area. "It's under contract, but he hasn't settled yet."

The estate goes back to 1930 and was said to be built by one of Thomas Edison's daughters, according to Robert Snyder, the Coldwell Banker agent who is listing the property.

The nine-acre lot includes extensive gardens, ornamental pools and spectacular views of the water behind it. Deer and osprey can be seen.
Okay, so the people he's helping to find shelter are Dick and Lynne Cheney, but have you ever bought a multi-million dollar third home?

It's hard work.

It takes time

Sounds like Dicky Ticker's possible new estate is located in an area susceptible to hurricanes such as Isabel. Maybe he could tour the Gulf Coast in order to get some retrofitting tips for his latest manse from the Army Corps of Engineers.

More On Kerik

Of course, my criticism of Bush's selection of Kerik isn't an endorsement of the gross incompetence of Michael Chertoff who, while obviously a more intelligent man than Kerik, was tapped to head the DHS because of his work for the Republicans against Clinton and because he was "clean" in all the ways Kerik is dirty.

But Kerik's failings go far beyond favoritism, self-dealing, and association with scumbags and Judith Regan. Kerik has a record of failure in matters of public safety and disaster response, as the Center for American Progress discussed last December:

KERIK ABANDONS CRITICAL POST IN IRAQ TO TAKE A VACATION: The Washington Post reports that Kerik's track record on issues of national security is "spotty." Appointed by President Bush to train a new Iraqi police force in 2003, "Kerik came under criticism for inadequate screening of recruits as U.S. authorities rushed to deploy the force. It has been plagued by desertions and by allegations that insurgents have infiltrated the ranks." Worse, Kerik "quit four months into his six-month tenure in Iraq, telling New York reporters later that he needed a vacation."

KERIK CRITICIZED BY CONSERVATIVES FOR POST-9/11 OPERATIONS: A prominent Republican member of the Sept. 11 commission, former Navy secretary John F. Lehman, sharply criticized Kerik "for failures of leadership during the terrorist attacks" of 9/11. Lehman said that Kerik allowed turf battles with the Fire Department to "hamper rescue efforts" and called Kerik's leadership at the time "not worthy of the Boy Scouts."

As Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Chertoff would make a great defense attorney for Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff or Karl Rove. Regretably, the forces of nature aren't susceptible to a well-crafted line of bullshit.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

As if further evidence of Bush's incompetence was needed: If Bush had his way, Bernard Kerik would be in charge of the federal government's response to Hurricane Katrina.

Karl Rove and Voter Fraud

It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle too:

Anyway, Rove is now registered to vote in Kerr County, about 80 miles west of Austin in the Texas Hill Country. He and his wife, Darby, have owned property there, on the Guadalupe River, since at least 1997, according to county property records.

But as far as the locals know, the couple have never actually lived in either of two tiny rental cottages Rove claims as his residence on Texas voter registration rolls. The largest is 814 square feet and valued by the county at about $25,000.

"I've been here 10 years and I've never seen him. There are only, like, three grocery stores in town. You'd think you'd at least see him at the HEB" grocery, said Greg Shrader, editor and publisher of the Kerrville Daily Times.

...

Down in Texas, when you register to vote in a place where you don't actually live, the county prosecutor can come after you for voter fraud, said Elizabeth Reyes, an attorney with the elections division of the Texas Secretary of State. Rove's rental cottage "doesn't sound like a residence to me, because it's not a fixed place of habitation," she said. "If it's just property that they own, ownership doesn't make that a residence."

Still, under state law, the definition of a Texan is really pretty loose, Reyes said, even for voting purposes. So someone would have to file a complaint.

Any Texan readers of Roger Ailes who like to complain? I'm bitter enough (just ask those who e-mail me), but I'm not a Texan.

Maybe the Astroturf Center for Voting Rights can look into this. If Karl's checks bounce.

(Thanks to P O'Neill for the link.)

Saturday, September 03, 2005

The Tierney of The Moronity

Watch as John Tierney once again tries to cram every conceivable facet of human existence into his tiny intellectual framework:

"Why is New Orleans in so much worse shape today than New York City was after the attacks on Sept. 11?

"The short answer is that New York was attacked by fire, not water."

And you thought New York City was attacked by terrorists.

Of course, if he wanted to address reality, the latest installment of Mr. T's bi-weekly exercise in intellectual onanism would have petered out before the third sentence.

If we took Tierney seriously -- and why should we start now -- then the country should have disbanded the military after 09/11/01 and let those interested in the protection of the Big Apple from fire form the Homeland Security Assurance Co. of New York, N.Y. Why should Montanans subsidize the protection of the big city fire-traps, since they've got nothing worth flying into? If New York Citian developers had to pony up for civil defense premiums, they'd stop building such gigantic targets. (And/or, as Tierney would have it, their insurance companies would pressure cities to enact stronger aircraft-resistant building codes -- apparently, it's bad for citizens to join together to demand government-enforced restrictions on property owners for the sake of public safety, but it's good for citizens to form corporations that demand government restrictions on property owners for the same purpose.)

The most bizarre aspect of the column is that Tierney didn't need to invoke 9/11 to make his dullwitted points; he just made himself look more foolish by trying to compare two entirely dissimilar tragedies.

Perhaps we should be grateful Tierney hasn't called upon his pale pal Steve Sailer to teach us the biological and anthropological lessons of Hurricane Katrina.

Yet.

Friday, September 02, 2005

A Hurricane of Hate

A certain wingnut blogger -- who shall remain unlinked to by me -- watched the tragic events unfold in New Orleans and along the Gulf of Mexico this week and expressed disgust. Not disgust because of the suffering of the survivors or the deaths of the dead, but rather disgust at the fact that Bush tapped the disgraced and impeached President Clinton to assist in fundraising activities.

How much contempt for humanity does it take to obsess about the Nasty Man and His Vile Organ while human beings are needlessly suffering and dying?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Summary Judgment

What the hell is it with these wingnuts and their insatiable bloodlust? Death-crazed lunatic Mona Charen writes:

No doubt there were some desperate residents of New Orleans who took to theft simply to get food and water from stores bereft of clerks and electricity. But most of the looting is not of that character. As good people within the city struggle to help the sick who lack functioning hospitals, the thousands who lack basic food and shelter, and the unknown number still waiting to be rescued from flooded homes, the psychological blow looters are dealing to the city (and the country) is dramatic.

How does Charen know who's looting what? Answer: she doesn't. It seems logical that thousands of people who lack basic food would be looting simply to get food and water they can't get anywhere else. And how much more of a psychological blow would looting cause to people trying to survive without basic food and shelter? I'm sure the thought of summary executions gives Charen a warm feeling, but the idea of law enforcement separating the "good" and "bad" looters from shooting distance should give sane people pause.

A Vacant Lott

Trent Lott was one of the people who lost his home to Hurricane Katrina:

An oak tree may be all that is left of the home where Sen. Trent Lott raised his family and joined other political leaders for a rocking-chair view of the sea.

Lott, a Mississippi Republican, learned from neighbors and relatives that the storm surge from Hurricane Katrina, rising as high as 30 feet, leveled his Pascagoula home along the Gulf Coast near the Alabama border.

Of course, if you read all the way to the end of the article, you learn

Lott has a second house in Jackson, Miss.

So Lott's suffering isn't equal to that of most other affected Mississippians and, most fortunately, neither he nor any of his family was harmed. I'm sure his home was fully insured, and that whatever insurer he has will bend over backwards to provide good service to a rich and connected Republican. (That would go double if it's the federal flood insurance that's triggered.)

Someone less liberal than me might suggest some divine hand was at work. But I don't share Pat Robertson's theology.

Someone less tactful than me might suggest that Lott's house would have survived had he built it out of the same material as his toupee. But I wish the Senator well.

Another Victim

You've got to wonder if Howie the Putz Kurtz is embarrassed that the Washington Post left up this bit of snivelling during his month-long -- and running -- vacation in August:

Melting Down

Howard Kurtz
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, July 29, 2005; 9:00 AM

Note: Howard Kurtz is currently on vacation.

I had no electricity Wednesday night.

Neither, apparently, did 149,999 other people in the Washington area.

What happened to plunge the nation's capital into sweltering darkness? It rained.

This is a common summertime occurrence. Then some trees and branches fall and knock down the wires. And then you have no power.

Which, I can tell you, makes it difficult to blog.

And to sleep, after a 98-degree day.

The local utility, which does a lousy job of dealing with such matters -- thousands of homes may not get power back until tonight -- always promises to do better, but never does. Once a summer hurricane knocked out power to much of the area for a week. Terrorists couldn't pull that off in their dreams.

I hope the Red Cross has airlifted supplies to the Putz by now. And that the power company has been invaded and its leaders executed.

Judy Died For Our Sins

"When I'm not spending time in jail on behalf of the First Amendment, I live in lower Manhattan," [Judith Fucking-]Miller wrote. "I would very much like to have been at the opening of your show, but unfortunately, under the circumstances, that might not be possible."

By the way, this article has J. F.-M. using a computer in the prison library. You don't suppose her claim of writer's cramp from the burdens of longhand was as fact-free as her WMD reporting, do you?

Update: Jane Hamsher at firedoglake and TBogg already spotted this.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

After giving his company a free plug and touting some bogus insider scoops, inbred hillbilly Matt Towery uses Hurricane Katrina to whine about the Yankees hatin' on his beloved Dixie.

They assume we are dumb and poorly educated. That ignores the massive improvements that have been made since the Civil War ended. That's when a dual set of second-class citizens was created overnight -- destitute whites, including many in the former planter class, and uneducated former slaves.

You are dumb and poorly educated, Matt. Before the Civil War, the South had a rather large set of second-class non-citizens. It was the basis of the Southern economy. And those destitute "planters" you whine about were slaveholders, whose only valuable capital was the humans they owned. They were lucky to be living after the Civil War, let alone granted citizenship.

There wasn't a Southern utopia, intellectual or otherwise, before "the end of the Civil War," no matter how much you imagine yourself in the role of slave owner.

By the way, Matt, when you identify casino gambling as an economic foundation of the South, you aren't making a convincing case for either the economic significance of the South or its role in the growth of America.

I'm not here to bash the South (or any other region). I'm only here to bash those whose vision of Southern greatness excludes -- beyond lip service -- a significant portion of the South's population. Those whose version of Southern heritage is nothing more than a whitewashed fantasy land.

Miserable Failure

"Right now, hundreds of thousands of American refugees need our national concern and care. Thousands of people still need to be rescued from imminent peril. Public health threats must be controlled in New Orleans and throughout southern Mississippi. Drivers must be given confidence that gasoline will be available, and profiteering must be brought under control at a moment when television has been showing long lines at some pumps and spot prices approaching $4 a gallon have been reported."

Sorry, NYT, but you're shite out of luck. The war president before which you prostrated yourself doesn't care. It's hard work, and he's tuckered out from his five-week vacation. He'll do what he needs to do to protect his war, his tax cuts and his corporate masters, and no more.

Oh, and he may include looters in his growing list of terrorists. Otherwise, don't hold your breath.

Gone With The Wind

Listen to the Neo-Confederates at The Corner wail about a supposed tragedy:

HISTORY LOST [Jim Robbins]

Katrina destroyed Confederate President Jefferson Davis' final home Beavoir. It was also the site of the Jefferson Davis Presidential Library. This is a significant loss to history.

Yeah, a real tragedy. Like the destruction of one of Saddam's palaces or Mussolini's summer home.

I'm more saddened by the collapse of an Office Depot than the thrashing of a shrine to the leader of a terrorist nation who was complicit in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans - and even more southerners. Too bad Jeffy Dave wasn't alive when it happened.

Free Enterprise Fraud

More lying right-wingers:

A PR firm the fund retained, Shirley & Banister Public Affairs, sent out a pitch this month to reporters saying Factor "just replaced Stephen Moore as the president of Free Enterprise Fund. Big shoes to fill! But did you know he is the heir to the Max Factor Makeup fortune? And now he runs one of the must influential policy groups in DC!"

Quite a story line: eyeliner to advocacy, rouge to riches. Except it's apparently not true. When asked about his ties to Max Factor, Mallory Factor said he knew of no link. He said it's possible "someone in the family way back" was related, but he's no heir. "I grew up in low-income housing in Bridgeport, Connecticut," Factor said. He blamed the PR firm for the bad information. The PR firm blamed Factor's "handlers."

Wow. These guys are such losers you'd think they were rightwing bloggers.

Oh wait, they are.

The New York Times gets letters -- from dopes:

Democracy requires freedom of the press. Judith Miller was jailed, not for anything she wrote, but for something she knew but refused to divulge.

The freedom to maintain silence - except with respect to a crime, and even then, if the information would incriminate the speaker - is essential to every one of us, and if we allow that freedom to be denied to one, it can be denied to all.

Marilyn E. Williams
Ithaca, N.Y., Aug. 29, 2005

I hate to break it to you, Ms. Williams, but the freedom to maintain silence except for self-incrimination is denied to all, equally. So how essential is it, if you didn't even know this?

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

The Death of Reaganomics

On Schmuck Central Station, Jimmy "Astroturf" Glassman pens an appreciation of Jude Wanniski, who died of a heart attack on Monday.

Seems Jimmy prefers Jude's earlier wacko ideas (Reaganomics) to his more recent ones (opposition to the War Against Iraq). Jimmy rather coldly suggests that Jude went the way of St. Ronnie once he became eligible to receive Social Security: "Wanniski, a disciple of the Columbia University economist Robert Mundell, who won a Nobel Prize in 1999, valued history and -- at least until the final years -- logical clarity."

Jimmy also describes Wanniski's more recent writings as "sadly loopy," but undercuts that claim by referencing an Wanniski article castigating Bill Kristol for his war cheerleading. If that's an example of loopy, Jimmy should be so sane.

It's a shame Wanniski didn't live to see the Dow reach 36,000.

Land of Genuises

You might have seen the story about an Illinois student newspaper which published a series of articles about an eight-year-old orphan girl whose father served and died in the War Against Iraq. The story turned out to be a hoax; the question remains as to whether the paper's editor was in on the scam.

The larger story -- not the fake one -- is chock full o' morons. Here's the editor's tale:

He [Michael Brennan] was the student newspaper editor when some of the Kodee "Kenningsology" columns were published but was quick to point out in the Friday interview that other Daily Egyptian editors had also published the columns.

He said he spent "1,000 hours" talking on the telephone with a person he said he believed was Kodee. He now believes it was Colleen Hastings, a person identified by the Daily Egyptian in its Friday edition as Jaimie Reynolds, a 27-year-old from Marion who graduated in 2004 from the SIUC School of Radio and Television. In the edition, the student newspaper published a front-page apology under the headline, "To all, we deeply regret our error."

What kind of freaking idiot spends a total of 42 days on the phone with a 27-year-old woman and thinks he's talking with an eight-year-old girl? For that matter, what kind of freak spends 42 days on the phone with an eight-year-old child he's not related to?

Brenner's clearly a half-wit; the only question is whether he's a half-wit for thinking anyone would buy that story.

And then there's the chuckleheads who allowed their ten-year-old daughter to be passed off as someone else's child:

On Thursday, 10-year-old Caitlin Hadley sat between her parents on a couch in her mom's office, retelling the two-year odyssey that began with her belief that she was going to be the star of a documentary film about a little girl named Kodee.

"It was sort of weird, but I had a lot of fun," Caitie said.

Her father, Richard Hadley, is a pastor at a Nazarene church in Montpelier, Ind., and her mother works for the church's regional office. Both said they felt they'd been scammed by Reynolds.

"I just realized that I didn't know this girl," Tawnya Hadley said. "In the profession that my husband is in, we move and meet new people all the time. What if she'd never brought Caitie back? We feel like we're idiots."

...

As Caitie's involvement continued, the Hadleys began asking why the documentary had not been finished.

A documentary film about a little girl named Kodee.

We feel like you're idiots too, Tawnya.

Remind me never to get pastoral counselling from a Nazarene pastor.

Monday, August 29, 2005

I completely had forgotten about the sacrifices that Judy Miller is making for the good of our nation until last weekend.

On Saturday afternoon, Lifetime Televison for Women aired Prison of Secrets, a 1997 television movie based on a true story. It starred Stephanie "Remington Steele" Zimbalist as a wife and mother setenced to prison for 10 years for fraud. In prison, Zimbalist discovered that her fellow inmate, Finola "General Hospital" Hughes, was exchanging sex with prison guard Dan "the father on The Wonder Years" Lauria for drugs and a toothbrush. I didn't watch the whole movie, but I understand that the point of it was that Zimbalist blew the whistle on Dan Lauria and some other, less famous actors and, as a result, steps were taken to limit the use of male guards at womens' prisons.

Thanks to Patrick Fitzgerlad, Ms. Miller can use her time behinds bars constructively, to champion similar reforms in the penal system. Or to demand that Kristy McNichol portray her in the teevee film. It's her call.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Katrina and the Waves

Hurricane Katrina could bring 15 inches of rain and a storm surge of 20 feet or higher that would "most likely topple" the network of levees and canals that normally protect the bowl-shaped city from flooding.
(link)

Update: I'm not sure this post has/had a point. It also comes off as insensitive. My only excuse is that I'm just tired right now.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Andrew Sullivan has been selected as presenter of the latest DIY/makeover programme by Britain's Channel Four. He explains the show's premise here.

It should air on BBC America next spring.
Sounds About Right

August 27, 2005 -- WASHINGTON -- Cyber-sleuths working for a Pentagon intelligence unit that reportedly identified some of the 9/11 hijackers before the attack were fired by military officials, after they mistakenly pinpointed Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and other prominent Americans as potential security risks, The Post has learned.

But what mistake? Condiliar, Rumsfeld and the rest of the neo-clowns were and are security risks.

(Link to N.Y. Post, requires registration.)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Prattle Fatigue

If you accept the offical estimates, nearly 1,900 American servicemen and women have died in Iraq and over 13,000 have been wounded.

Focusing on the dead and injured, while understandable, does a grave disservice to the real American casualties. These victims can be ignored no longer. Listen to their voices:

"I think everyone is tired. I was tired of the war before the invasion of Iraq and my involvement has been rather more peripheral than GWB's."

Such suffering calls out for greater exposure. I propose that the widow Reynolds travel to Texas and announce the opening of "Camp Cracker," to honor the sacrifice of these war-weary men and women. They have sacrificed their credibility, their attention spans, yea, the very circulation in their well-upholstered asses to support the Administration's destruction of Iraq; in return, all they ask is to not be asked to do anything.

They have earned their naps. Let a grateful nation tuck them in.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Terror Master Of His Domain

James Wolcott catches neo-con tosser Michael Leeden attempting to rewrite history, starting with his own book, The War Against The Terror Masters.

I predict Leeden will get away with it, since most copies of his book are disintegrating in his storage unit or being used as coasters at AEI.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Nick Kristof would do well to read this article in The Nation before he undertakes his next messianic photo-op trip to Southeast Asia.

Roger's News Quiz: 35 Years Too Late Edition

Which school features the following Summer Reading List for AP English classes?

Sula - Toni Morrison
Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
Angels in America - Tony Kushner

Monday, August 22, 2005

Nip/WTF

You know you're about to read something that sucks when it starts like this:

"The Breastapo ...."

What's next, Dr. Satel? Will you accuse feminists of perpetrating the Areolaecaust?

For a less result-oriented review of the risks involved, read here.

Update (8/23/05): Our Sal loves the phrase "Breastapo." For her, the term not only encompasses purportedly anti-implant feminists but also "judgmental, relentlessly pro-breast feeding" health care professionals. The Breastapo is a regular feminist juggernaut!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Two Different Ones

Did anyone see today's Road to the White House 2008 on C-SPAN? It featured Newt Gingrich at the Iowa State Fair. Newt was wearing a white 44 gallon Hefty Cinch-Sak and touring an exhibit of the fair's Largest Boars.

It's a shame C-SPAN is so humorless. The scene screamed for a Chyron reading:

SNOWBALL (R-GA)
"Two Legs Good, Four Legs Bad"

Friday, August 19, 2005

The New York Times' Go To Guy For Right-Wing Pseudo Science On Race And Gender

Today marks the first official appearance of Steve Sailer, writer for the white nationalist webrag, VDare, in an John Tierney op-ed column. Tierney has cited his bigoted pal in the pages of the Times before, but not in his op-ed column.

Tierney's column is filled with "evolutionary psychology" mumbo-jumbo purporting to show that golf is a manifestation of mens' hunting instinct. (Next column: "Aiming At The Urinal Cake Reveals Nature's Plan For Male Dominance"). Perhaps the similarities between Tierney's column and this three-year old Sailer column reveal the natural male instinct to recycle crap.

The web version of Tierney's column approvingly links to another Sailer piece containing this profound analysis: "On the other hand, the Ladies Professional Golf Association's Nabisco Championship in Palm Springs has become one of the largest annual lesbian get-togethers in the United States, but, as Camille Paglia has noted, lesbians tend not to be interested in the classic visual arts, and, indeed, are often resentful of the prestige of Dead White European Male artists." Do Tierney and the Times endorse this bigotry?

You can read more about John Tierney's best buddy here and here.

Has it really been two years?

"Two years ago an artwork featuring Kylie Minogue's bottom was pulled from the Royal Academy's summer show after the singer's lawyers complained." -- bbc.co.uk

Just Us Sunday

(This is the post the computer ate. Seems to me it was funnier than this.)

As last Sunday approached, I was at a hypothetical crossroads. On the one hand, I could have spent an afternoon in the company of Southern California's finest bloggers at a fete hosted by Jane Hamsher of firedoglake and Stephen Anderson of SteveAudio. On the other hand, there was the once in a lifetime opportunity to liveblog Justice Sunday II: The Constitution's Dead. Torn between two such attractive choices, I spent the day curled up in bed, writhing and in a fetal position, like Clarence Thomas. Just an ordinary Sunday as Casa Ailes, really.

Kobepalooza, the Southern California event to which I was actually invited, did in fact feature the best SoCal polibloggers (except Digby). Jane Hamsher advises that I, or more accurately, the thing you're reading, also was a topic of conversation, in regard to my/its on-again off-again status on the Huffington Post blogroll.

Arianna Huffington told Jane that when my blog appeared on her blogroll the first day, the other Ailes called her asked why she was making fun of him. Apparently the other Ailes thought he was so important -- or so deserving of ridicule -- that someone created over two years of blog posts just to twit him. That, or he didn't actually bother to read this blog.

Arianna (may I call her that?) had no idea what was going on, she didn't create the blogroll or know anything about this blog. She thought someone in the office was playing a joke. So they just took the link down and eventually everything got straightened out.

The bottom line: Neither of them knew who the hell I was.

Not necessarily a bad thing.

And, in the end, my reinstatement on the blogroll was a pyrrhic victory. Just this week, the Huffington Post replaced its blogroll with banner ads and relegated the blogroll to a barely noticeable drop-down menu link.

Ah, well.

Grand Old Police Blotter: House Arrest Edition

Accused Republican war profiteer Randall "Duke" Cunningham will have to bunk with Mitchell Wade for a while, if the Feds have their way:

SAN DIEGO (Reuters) - The U.S. Attorney's Office has initiated attempts to seize the home of U.S. Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, alleging that the California Republican's $3.5 million estate was purchased with bribe money, court records show.

Cunningham, 63, an eight-term congressman, has been under investigation by federal prosecutors, the Internal Revenue Service and the criminal investigative arm of the Pentagon over his ties to a defense contractor who purchased another home of his in late 2003, then sold it for a loss.

The sealed court documents, filed on July 21 and first reported by the San Diego Union Tribune, give notice of a civil lawsuit seeking title to the Rancho Santa Fe, California, property, owned by Cunningham and his wife, Nancy.

The court filing, which was made a week after Cunningham announced he would not seek re-election in 2006, said that the congressman's house "constitutes or is derived from proceeds traceable to a violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 201."

That federal law relates to bribery and conflicts of interest by government officials.

The only growing profession in the Bush economy is Republican criminal defense attorney.

Grand Old Police Blotter: Terrorists for Bush Edition

Let them get away with it once, they'll try it again and again. Bush supporters impersonating Secret Service officers to intimidate law-abiding citizens.

John Joseph Blaisdell was hanging around the camp between about midnight Wednesday and 6:30 a.m. Thursday, telling people that he was with the Secret Service detail for Jeb Bush, President Bush's brother and governor of Florida, according to protester Ann Wright.

Chief Deputy Randy Plemons of the McLennan County Sheriff's Office said that at about 6:30 a.m. protesters asked the Alameda, Calif. resident to produce a badge. At that point, Blaisdell became irritated and threatened to harm one of the protesters, Plemons said.

Plemons indicated that Blaisdell proceeded to make hand gestures indicating that he had a weapon before running up the dead-end Morgan Road, away from the protest camp.

Sheriff's deputies were alerted and Blaisdell was apprehended a short distance up the road without incident.

Blaisdell was charged with impersonating a peace officer, a Class C felony; a Class C misdemeanor threat; and making a terroristic threat, a Class B misdemeanor. He remained in the McLennan County Jail Thursday night, awaiting arraignment.

It seems selective enforcement of the law is emboldening the wingnuts. The Jeb Bush tie is a nice touch. Did Jebby ever hold those "pro-life" nuts responsible for their criminal trespass at Ms. Schiavo's hospice?

Grand Old Police Blotter: Lord of The Cells Edition

Bad news for Lord" Conrad Black, ex-Canuck and neo-con press baron:

A longtime business partner of the former press baron Conrad M. Black was indicted on fraud charges yesterday and - in what may be bad news for Lord Black - has agreed to plead guilty and cooperate in the investigation.

The former partner, F. David Radler, is the former publisher of The Chicago Sun-Times, and co-founded Hollinger International Inc. with Lord Black....

....Legal specialists said Mr. Radler's deal was ominous for Lord Black.

"Cooperation by Mr. Radler can only spell trouble for Mr. Black," said Robert A. Mintz, a former federal prosecutor who is now a criminal defense lawyer. "In this particular case, the road to cooperation leads in only one direction."

...

The charges relate to payments totaling more than $32 million made to executives and parent companies of Hollinger International, which were ultimately controlled by Lord Black. Mr. Radler was the second-biggest shareholder of the companies. Prosecutors say that when Hollinger sold dozens of newspapers several years ago, the defendants disguised payments to them as part of agreements not to compete with the papers. But prosecutors said the payments were bonuses that should have been taxed.

...

Since then, a blizzard of civil actions has engulfed the company and its big-name roster of current and former directors - including former Gov. James Thompson of Illinois; former Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger; a senior Reagan administration official, Richard N. Perle; and Marie-Josée Kravis, the wife of the financier Henry R. Kravis.

...

In past interviews and court filings, Mr. Black, 60, said he looked forward to vindicating himself in court. He argued that any money he took out of the company was authorized by the company's board. He also said he was blindsided by "corporate governance terrorists" who hijacked his company for their own gain.

"Are there dangerous men in federal prison, Frum?"

"Up to a point, Lord Black."

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Computer ate a large post. Will try again tomorrow.

Do Tread On Me

Mister Ed used to hate flag desecration. Weeks ago, he hated it so much that he made shit up about the desecration of flags just to show how much he hated flag desecration.

Today, the aftermath of a flag desecration was photographed and made widely available on the 'net, and the perpetrator of the desecration was identified. This time, Mister Ed managed to suppress his phony outrage.

Why the silence, Mister Ed?

Monday, August 15, 2005

Romenesko Letters:

From DAVID EHRENSTEIN: Lucy Dalglish to Newsday: "I know what's bothering [Judith Miller] more than anything is she cannot read the Internet. ... People are telling her about some allegations about her that are in the blogosphere and she has no way to fight back."

Now please correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't Judy Miller write for a publication called the New York Times? And wouldn't the New York Times be more than glad to print absolutely anything she had to say about her current situation, helpfully supplying Miller with hard copy of what any number of different parties in greater blogistan have written? Better get back to complaining about that foam mattress. That's the best way to play the victim card, dear.
To which I'd add -- the allegations in the blogosphere (and elsewhere) against J.F. Miller were in circulation long before Miller was sentenced to prison. I'm not aware of any new ones popping up since she was sent down -- at least ones that don't have to do with what she's refusing to testify about. Why couldn't Miller be bothered to respond before now?

Disabled and Dangerous Wingnuts

Like, I said -- IT'S REGNERY. Why would any sane person trust Regnery?

Here's a flashback to Weldon's fellow Regnery fraud, Michelle Malkin, confessing her unfamiliarity with the truth:

Accordingly, I am retracting my claim that Herzig-Yoshinaga "surreptitiously shared confidential documents with" Irons. I have made a note of this on the errata page of my book. Moreover, I am directing Regnery to excise the words "surreptitiously" and "confidential" from future editions of the book.

In addition, I retract the following statements which appeared on my blog:

August 24, 2004:
Contrary to [University of North Carolina law professor Eric] Muller's assertion that the papers shared were "publicly available documents sitting in publicly available files at archives open to the public," the article makes clear that Irons did not obtain permission to receive the papers he acquired from Herzig-Yoshinaga.

August 25, 2004:

As I noted, these records, however, had not been cleared for public use, and Iron's request to copy them had been explicitly denied. By the way, this was not the only time Irons engaged in these sort of shenanigans.

I apologize to Irons and Herzig-Yoshinaga for the errors.

Regnery: Home of the Bullshit Claim and the Unsubstantiated Smear. Anyone who buys a Regnery book buys garbage.

p.s. -- I'm going to start calling Regnery "RegneryEnron." Aren't I a clever chops?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Who Moved My Ability to Reason?

Heh.

I hope she turned down the Op-Ed job the NYT gave to that libertarian dolt, John Tierney. There's no other excuse.

Gopfellas

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be Republican Senator.

New York Republican senate candidate Jeanine Pirro is no stranger to taking campaign money from alleged wiseguys. In fact, the Daily News reports that Pirro took campaign money from a former New York Post executive/convicted criminal named Dick Nasti.

Whaddya mean I'm nasty? Like I'm Dick Morris, I'm here to repulse you? What the fuck is so nasty about me?

Albert Pirro's name has shown up an a Gambino wiretap, and he's already been convicted of applying Reverend Moon's tax accounting principles to his own returns.

Now, Jeanine gets to live the rest of her life as a schnook.

You Eeediots!

The man wrote a book for Regnery.

What more do you need?

Mysteries of Modern Life

Who reads the bridge column? Do people who play bridge even read the bridge column?

"Your honor," the district attorney began, "we will prove South committed a felony, in that he went down at a cold 3NT."

"Proceed."

"North-South were using an antiquated bidding system," the DA began. "In modern methods, North's raise to three diamonds would be invitational or preemptive. South treated it as forcing since he bid 3NT with minimum values."

"I can see the bidding was vintage 1950," sighed the judge. "Get on with it."

"South took the queen of spades," the DA said, "and led a heart to dummy's queen. East won and returned a spade, and South won and let the nine of diamonds ride. East took the king and led his last spade for down one."

Why no column for euchre or pinochle or hearts? Why do papers waste valuable space which could be dedicated to Cryptoquote, or This Day in History?